[aitch]

In more ways than one but let's stick to what relates here.

DH apparently has genital herpes (Dr thinks though no tests to confirm or outbreak in at least 2 years and I think it's thrush), I do not. O is likely to happen in the next 2 or 3 days and he's just informed me he "thinks" he's getting an outbreak of whatever it is - I've always thought it's more like thrush than herpes and his Dr only ever listened to symptoms and didn't actually check it out.

Now, if it is herpes I don't want to get it but I DO want to try for a baby this cycle..... I'm driving myself insane!

Anyone know if (apart from the risk to myself) if there are risks of ttc with herpes?

I'm SO annoyed - I know he can't help it but it doesn't change a thing!

[mmllhh]

I don't know if this is true or not, so, you might want to research it. If you did contact herpes, you run the risk of having during child birth and that can lead to blindness for the baby. Again, i don't know if this is true, but i seem to remember reading about this in school. Ask your OB though, they would have the most up to date info. Good luck and i hope it's just thrush.

[Celena]

Sexual relationships

People with recurrent genital herpes may reconsider some aspects of sexual intimacy. For example, using non-genital forms of sexual contact during an active episode. It also means considering if, how and when you are going to tell a sexual partner that you have genital herpes (see Herpes and Relationships: How to Tell ). Given the social stigma that seems to surround genital herpes, preparing your thoughts in advance before telling someone is preferable. Most people react supportively when told and appreciate and respect your courage and honesty. People who choose not to tell a sexual partner risk the burden of fear, guilt and secrecy.

In an on-going relationship, where both partners fully understand the chance of transmission, a decision to not use a condom may be agreed.

For people who experience very frequent herpes recurrences, and whose pattern of sexual relations is severely disrupted, antiviral therapy, which reduces the frequency of recurrences, can help restore a more acceptable sex life.


Fertility
Genital herpes is not hereditary. The virus has no effect on fertility and is not transmitted via men's sperm or women's ova (eggs).

Pregnancy
Women with genital herpes can experience a safe pregnancy and normal vaginal childbirth. This is especially so when a women has a diagnosis of genital herpes prior to becoming pregnant. In the situation where the mother already has a history of genital herpes, she will have antibodies circulating in her blood that will protect the baby during pregnancy and delivery.

There are only two situations in which the developing foetus may be at risk:

a severe first episode during the first trimester (12 weeks) of pregnancy, which can lead to miscarriage. This is very uncommon and a hazard also present with a number of other virus infections, including the flu a first episode in the last trimester of pregnancy, as there is a large amount of virus present and insufficient time for the mother to produce antibodies to protect the unborn baby. Transmission of virus to the foetus causes neonatal herpes, a potentially fatal condition. However, neonatal herpes is extremely rare in developed countries. Careful monitoring, judicious use of antiviral therapy and/or Caesarean delivery can reduce the risk to the baby.

Care during pregnancy
It is important that a pregnant woman informs her doctor/obstetrician if either she or her partner has genital herpes.

When the male partner has genital herpes and the woman has no evidence of infection, the following may help the woman to avoid acquisition of the virus during pregnancy:

a blood test to establish if the woman has HSV antibodies
the use of condoms after conception through to birth the woman's partner taking oral antiviral medication for the duration of the pregnancy to suppress genital herpes outbreaks if the woman's partner has a history of facial herpes or cold sores, avoiding oral sex for the duration of the pregnancy. As the last stage of pregnancy approaches, regular checks should be made and the woman and her doctor can discuss the possibility of a Caesarean delivery or the use of antiviral drugs. Other than this, the pregnant woman should simply observe the normal guidelines for healthy pregnancy as closely as possible. Good nutrition and rest are even more important at this time.

Recurrent genital herpes presents only a minimal risk in pregnancy, though it may interfere with the woman's enjoyment of pregnancy.



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[aitch]

Thanks Celena - that puts it in perspective as to how selfish it would be to try right now. I know I don't have it. My OB did the tests.

I'm just so frustrated - I've never felt any ill will toward his ex wife until today. She did this and now it's ME paying for it.

We're *****ing at each other because he feels guilty.

It's not his fault and it's just bad luck and bad timing but it's so so hard. I've been doing everything right and now we can't even try. I want to but I know it's completely irresponsible to.

I can't let him know how disappointed I am, he feels guilty enough as it is. It's just that not being able to try has me in tears. It's irrational I know but the knowledge that there's no hope this cycle is hard to bear. It's even harder as it's difficult to talk to him, the only person that really gets it as it's his "fault" - not that there's really fault in this.

If there's a silver cloud, at least I won't have a TWW.

[Celena]

I didn't post that to make it a bad thing, it looks like you would be ok and that it wouldn't transfer from sperm to egg so that's all ok.

The way I read it is that you would be OK to TTC, had to go back and re-read it to make sure that's what I got from it.

To help make you feel better..... A friend of mine became pregnant and was given chlamydia & herpes by her baby's father because he was unfaithful (which lead to the split) but her pregnancy went fine, baby was born fine and is 15yrs old today!

But one thing like you that I cannot understand is why the heck his fricken doctor doesn't just run a TEST on him??? As well as TREAT him for it if that's what he thought he has.

I do NOT blame you for being super duper pissed off, it's devastating to have something like that effect your relationship, family planning and ttc. It's something that y'all definitely have to discuss and perhaps raise allot of questions to his PCP (or get him a NEW one if this one doesn't seem like he's doing a good job) You two deserve a family together!!

I'm really very sorry honey, and I'm sorry that the info I posted came across wrong as well

[tobi4]

Awww hun. Im so sorry you both are having to deal with this. Understandably you are frustrated and dh is upset. I love your attitude, your understanding and support. Go ahead and be sad, my friend. If you hold it in, it will erupt sometime. Its so hard to feel the months slip by, as we ttc. Its even harder when we have to put things on hold. I feel for you Aitch. Im sorry.

[aitch]

Celena - I really didn't take it as a bad thing but it is something to think about. If this isn't our month and he infects me, it's something we have to think about in future. Moreover, I might have to deal with the uncomfortableness that I know he does as and when it surfaces. He's doing the right thing - I'm just being pissy about it! I'm bad enough with my eczema so I can't imagine how uncomfortable he must be and really, he's just trying to stop me from getting it. It's not about TTC at this point. He's just trying to protect me but that doesn't stop it hurting.

His PCP is a pain in the rear and tells him only to take meds when he has an outbreak. As a result, the meds we have in the house are completely out of date and he really needs to call in for an Rx. I can't do it for him and he's a PITA! I always thought it was supposed to be ongoing meds but I'm not the doctor.

Tobi - thanks for telling me I'm allowed to be upset. I've never been the bitter 2nd wife and have always told both him and all his family that he's smart and must have married her for a reason. Knowing this is her doing is really testing that. There's more to it but that is her cross to bear, she'll live with her decisions for the rest of her life and it makes our marriage easier. I never knew her but won't forgive her for certain things very much related. I don't want to be that woman but right now I am.

I've just learned a really good school friend just had a m/c and I'm not there to help her, I've no hope this cycle and I just feel useless and without hope. I've realised it's that hope of another pregnancy that's kept me going lately and without it I feel a bit lost. Perhaps that's good to realise? DH is upset at me for feeling so angry so I've sloped off to my office with a bottle of wine. Can't TTC this month so what the hell! It won't solve anything but will numb it till I'm less angry and can deal with it in a constructive way.

I'm sorry I'm venting

[tobi4]

come to chat hun!

[aitch]

Not sure I'm in the right place

[tobi4]

The exact right place for you is among people who care about you, and I for one, am one of those people Aitch. Its hard to not form attachments here. You know that. Id rather be able to talk to you than think of you sitting alone with that wine. Whatever you decide, Ill respect, just know that you arent alone and chat night isnt all about rainbows and sunshine. Lots of good laughs do happen but we are all allowed to be sad. Its a part of us. Awww, I just feel so bad. Ok, no more pressure. You decide.

[lex1078]

I wish I had some answers for you, but I don't know much about this. Just know that we are here for you and you are allowed to vent to us whenever you need about whatever you want. I wish you didn't have to go through this.

[darrensmommy]

There is the instead cup,you can get them on early pregnancy tests.com.that's oneway you can and you won't get affected i think there is comments on there from people who use them just an idea best wishes.