[ldovey83]

Needless to say I am heartbroken.. I found out that DH is truly not ready for another child yet basically and the only reason he has been supportive is because I wanted it... I thought this is what he wanted too, but he said I changed when I h ad our son and always puts the blame on me somehow.. Says that I am not the same person he married when I had our son I changed and I don't care about him, and I barely have time for him anymore and so he dosen't really want another child cause he thinks I will completely forget about him.. Talk about a stab to the heart.. I had to fight back my tears.. I love everything being pinned on me.. Why dosen't he just come out and say it.. Come out and admit that he wishes he was living the single life again.. I hate when he works cause he always tries to blend in with his coworkers and all of them go to strip clubs and what not and so he thinks he should too, but we see differently on that right now.. So it's bad enough I am still grieving the loss of our third baby and then I have to deal with his selfishness on top of it.. This is just not fair.. I just want to cry my eyes out right now.. Why do my feelings not matter to him? I didn't hear him complain when we first brought it up about the removal of my IUD and everything, and now after three losses when Iwant it more then anything he breaks my heart with that crap.. Sorry ladies I just needed to vent.. Needless to say I am very upset right now.

[tobi4]

Im so sorry Lindsey. Some guys take longer to grow up. Im saying that with sincerity. Im glad you have us to vent to. I know that when my s/o was the biggest commitment phobe I ever met, it was hard to talk to people IRL. Especially when you dont want your family/friends to have a bad impression of him. Id say keep the communication open, write him a letter telling him how you feel (making sure not to blame), but its hard when a lot of men dont like to talk or face real emotions. I feel for you hun. Maybe taking a break from ttc and letting him know how important he is in your life. I know thats easier said than done. Showing someone how much you love them is hard when they fail to see whats important to you as well. Good luck hun, I wish you some 'calm' in your life. ~hugs~

[~LaurenNoel~]

Ugh, that is rough. Men can be such idiots. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

[KAB]

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this now on top of your loss. Men just don't get it sometimes.

[~Lynda~]

big big hugs to you hun!!! the journey is hard on all!!!

[Jennifer8080]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Maybe try to talk to him about it.

[Isabelle]

Massive hugs.

[ldovey83]

Thanks ladies for all listening to my vent.. I have written many letters that I just wind up riping up cause I feel it is wrong, but then again I shouldn't keep everything bottled up anymore.. Apparently he can let it all out there, and break my heart into a million pieces so maybe I should let him see how much it has hurt me..

[BeccaM]

Lindsey, I am so sorry your having to deal with all that on top of your loss. I hope the two of you are able to talk things out. BIG HUGSS!

[BuckeyeGal23]

Oh Lindsey! I'm sorry hon. Men can be so ridiculously insensitive sometimes it blows my mind...even my husband who I consider a perfect husband has his flaws. Maybe this is just his way of dealing with your losses; he doesn't know how to translate his feelings except this way? Especially since he's just now bringing it up. Of course you are going to change after you have a child - hello! Hugs hon!!

[Kary♥RN]

HUGS... I am so sorry, that on top of the hurt you are feeling from your losses.. you now have this pain.. HUGS.. I am so sorry

[missy123]

((Hugs)) It is a hard situation you are in.

[Celena]

Lindsey,

Honey I want to tell you that what he said is not uncommon, NOT that it is ok, but that it's not uncommon for a husband or significant other to feel that way... pre or post baby. You have to MAKE time for each other, date night rekindle that flame... but it is a 2 way street as he could as well.

Sometimes men are so basic that we don't even see it, it's not that they don't want another child or that "you've changed" since having your child together because that is what he is saying... what he's trying to express is he feels left out, he feels neglected, he wants his needs met as well and be the center of your love, your attention and that he's somewhat jealous of the maternal bond, and how maternal you've become with your son versus showering your DH with all of your attention, affection.

I'm so sorry Lindsey there's more to it than what he has "blamed" and it's not you, it's him deep down it's him. He doesn't know how to connect with his feelings (as many men have a prob with)

[lex1078]

Lindsey, I'm so sorry. I hope you can find the time to talk with him. Hoping you guys can come to a happy conclusion. Best of luck and keep us posted.

[ldovey83]

Celena girl you are good.. You hit the nail on the head about how he is feeling... We used to have date night every Friday night.. My parents would take our son for the night and that was our night to go out and just have a night to ourselves without our son around.. Welll when he started his new job they need him every Fri and Sat night and those are normally the only nights we could have someone watch him.. Kind of what we talked about doing is his earlier nights having someone take Elijah and us just going downtown and getting a drink or something.. Just to get out and have some time to ourselves.. He admitted to me that he just hasn't been feeling well, and just moody lately and he apologized, but it still dosen't undo the hurt of telling me he dosen't want another child after dragging me along this whole time.. Maybe I will finally get the truth out of him..

[Celena]

God bless you both Lindsey, I'm so glad that you're feeling a teensy better... glad he's admitted he's not been feeling right as well. Of course it doesn't take back his painful words, but try not to put too much into them as now you know he's been out of sorts. Praying that you both can find a day (night) to have together alone and enjoy each other, reconnect again and kindle that flame within

[ldovey83]

Thanks Celena.. I hope we all get our sticky beans one day..... I wish you the best of luck hun.

[MamaRN]

Oh I am so sorry but glad you guys at least talked and he was more honest with his feelings, I think Celena has it right on, but I also wonder if he might be struggling with watching you go through the highs and lows of finding out you are PG and then losing the baby.... and maybe he is grieving the loss of those babies too and feeling like it might not be meant to be? Can only guess, but I do know that men don't seem to be very good at articulating what they are really thinking.