[ldovey83]

I hate loss man.. I feel like you work so hard to get that BFP and then it is taken from you when you go through a loss, and then bam you are back at square one trying again... I just want to scream.. It is not fair... Why can't I still be in the Feb DDC getting ready to hear my babies heart beat and instead I am left once again mourning the loss of my baby and wishing for what should've been.. It is so UGH!!!!! I just want to scream I am so angry.. It is so not fair!!


Sorry I just needed to vent..

[tobi4]

Lindsey Im so sorry hun. Im still having a hard time with lurking at my DDC and wishing so much I was right there with them. Have you talked to dh about how you are feeling, after he said all those things to you? I so hope you have his support right now hun, this is hard enough to go though, let alone suffering on your own IRL. Hugs hun, let it out, scream if you need to, otherwise it'll build up into something even worse.

[Brittanie]

It IS unfair. It really is. You had a future stolen from you. And that sucks.

[~Lynda~]

i truly know exactly how you are feeling!!! hugs!!!

[ldovey83]

I havn't sat down with DH and told him everything, but he does see my pain, and he hurts in his own way. I try not to burden my friends with talking about it cause I feel like I am putting it all on them, and I know it makes them uncomfortable cause they don't know what to say to me to not make me mad and upset with them.. I just hate having to start all over.. It took me a long time last time, and it just happened and I only got to enjoy it for 5 days before I lost that baby too.. I know you ladies know that pain I am feeling, so I know I can tell you ladies and let it out here.

[Celena]

I'm sorry Lindsey!

[ldovey83]

It seems I am having more anger issues this time.... I know the first one I cried and cried and cried and the second one I went through both but this time I am just so angry. I have cried nearly that much although my heart is breaking.. I guess I am angry cause of people telling me I have to be strong for my sons sake.. Still dosen't change things..

[missy123]

I am sorry you are going through this again Lindsay... I wish I could take your pain away. Vent here... it helps writing it down and having people here who relate to you.

[ldovey83]

Aww Missy you are too sweet.. I know you have had your fair share of pain so you don't need my added pain to yours.. Hopefully you will get your BFP during this break..

[~LaurenNoel~]

I am so sorry hun. I know I cannot go into my old DDC, and I will never join another one. I will be praying for youm

[tobi4]

I think people just dont understand. When they say be strong for your son, how can they not see how important it is for our children to see our real emotions, we aren't robots, thank god. Obviously melting down would be scary for them, but tears are a very human emotion! I am positive that you are doing everything possible to be a good mom to your little boy, hun. Arghhh! some people make me crazy sometimes! Hugs Lindsey.

[missy123]

Lindsay are you sleeping at all? And don't worry about your son and showing your emotions. My boys have seen it all from me over the years and they are fine. I think by them seeing the real me they will be good, sensitive husbands some day and their wives will thank me for it.

[mmllhh]

Lindsay, I think it's totally normal for you to be angry this time. I am the same way, you should be mad. It's not fair, and getting mad is a healthy way of getting it out. So, let it out, pour it all out here.
I found that what helped me what being proactive. Getting in to the RE was one part of that, but also educating myself. Reading up on treatments, suppliments and procedures. It makes me feel like i have a little bit of control in a situationt that is completely out of my control.

I hope that your stay here is a short one and you get answers to your losses. Keep on posting here, we are all here for you.

[dreamer10]

I agree with Missy. It's ok to let our children see that we are human. We have pain, and hurt like everyone else. My children have been one of my greatest sources of comfort at times. They love so completely and so unconditionaly that they it is just natural for them to love us no matter what.

I am so sorry this has had to happen to you. I am sorry all of us have had to go through any of this. At least we have each other!

[ldovey83]

Thanks ladies.. You all are great.. Missy to answer your question I am getting sleep.. I don't sleep as well cause I have bad dreams and dreams about still being pregnant and I wake up to the reality that I am not and it hurts all over again.. I did however buy DH and I multivitamins yesterday and he started taking them this am and I started taking prenatal vitamins.. I think next cycle I am going to do the soy stuff, and I am going to get some progestrone cream from a health store and start that. That is if DH oks it all..I am this way cause of what I have been through, and I have a broken heart that won't heal until I get the comfort I need.. Also I long for a second child, and no one should have to suffer a loss or more then one at that.. Life just isn't fair sometimes..