[sweetgirl51305]

I haven't posted much lately, so it's been awhile since I've been in here. But, I was just wondering if there was something in the water, 'cuz it seems like everybody is freaking pregnant. There's at least 4 ppl at my work pg and others trying. I told that to my dh and he said that I need to find out where to get some of this water. Lol. But, my mom, dh, ppl at work, and family keeps asking me when I'm going to try again. People just don't understand, I lost 2 babies back to back. It broke my heart. I'm scared to death to try again and have it happen again. Dr put me on thyroid medicine to see if it'll help me not miscarry. God, I don't know. It's just like I'm not into ttc as I used to be. Dh really wants a baby and keeps saying I need to figure it out. I told him though that if I do miscarry again that I'm done, we won't try again and will have to find another solution. I just can't go through all the pain again. No one seems to understand how hard it was on me. Sorry to rant guys, I just need to vent a little bit. Does it ever get easier? What have you done to help you "move on" and try again?

[amrysmomma]

I'm sorry this is going on with you, I'm sure my big blarring baby doesn't help either . I can completely understand with losing 2 babies back to back, that happened with me, I lost one in Aug and in October. It was so hard on me, like it is you. After my 2nd loss I gave up all hope, decided it's never going to happen, I only had one fallopian tube (I'm sure people are tired of hearing that from me) and lost the one before. I had actually told my husband the same thing, I'm willing to try one more time and if it doesn't work I'm done, I can't keep going thru this. I never had really decided when I was going to start ttc again, but the doctor had told me to wait until January, which was 3 months after my surgery. I never did anything to move on, I wasn't ready to start ttc again, but 3 days after I ovulated in January, I knew I was pregnant again. I don't know how it happened, we only DTD once and I just happened to ovulate on my right side. It still blows my mind. So, I would tell you not to give up hope, but oddly enough that's when good things started happening for me. I guess the key to success is to have no faith or hope I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you have a happy little oops soon When you reach your goal ask your Dr to put you on Folic acid, not just what's in prenatals, and get your progesterone checked asap. You'd be surprised how many miscarriages are because of low progesterone.

[ldovey83]

I do remember you.. I am sorry you are going through a rough patch.. I myself just went through my third miscarriage back to back, and I totally understand how you feel. IT is one of those things that if you don't try you never know.. I can assure you though that when it is God's timing it will happen.. I have had a very hard time accepting this myself.. Has your Dr done anymore testing other then the thyroid?

[Brittanie]

I wish ladies with losses (especially recurrent losses) could get some sort of "get out of jail free" card, kwim? A guarantee or a free pass or something that says "okay, this time it will work."

I've only had one loss, and I don't know what I would do if I had another (at any gestation). It's so so so difficult. I hope that you (and Lindsey!) get your sticky bean soon.

[BuckeyeGal23]

lol - totally agree...where is that water?? I'd pay a lot for that stuff!

I think everyone on here has to have that same fear...I don't know how after a loss you can't worry so much that it's going to happen again that you just want to stop trying. I'm so sorry you are going through this ((hugs))

[sweetgirl51305]

Thanks guys. The only other tests I had done was to see what my blood type is and rh factor. Everything was fine with those. My thyroid was fine, but the dr said that even if it's normal on paper, it may not be. So, well see. I've wondered about the progesterone levels, but I'll make sure if I do get pg again I'll get them to check it.
Ugh, I still don't know what to do. I mean, I'm enjoying working out, losing some weight, and going to the tanning bed. And I'm thinking about going back to school. Idk. Maybe I'm being selfish and should just give in and try again. So confused!

[KAB]

TTC is never the same once you've had a loss, I think we all understand how it takes so much out of you and then consumes most of your life. It's just not fair. For me, I just refuse to give up, and hopefully all this pain will be worth it in the end. Good luck with whatever you choose, I don't think you are being selfish at all, you have to take care of yourself.

[Brittanie]

Taking some time for yourself isn't selfish. You're the one with the physical ordeal to go through, either way. Even if it sticks and you get a baby out of it in the end, pregnancy is hard on you. Throwing loss into the mix and all the anxiety and emotions that brings up, you deserve to take time if you need it. Husbands just don't understand how deeply it affects us. You lose some of your feeling of self-worth as a woman when your baby dies. Like you're broken or something. Even if you rationally know you're not broken and it's not your fault, it still hurts like that. Men don't understand that, and especially with an early loss, can bounce back pretty quickly. But you lost a part of yourself with each one.

[sweetgirl51305]

I couldn't have explained it better Brittanie. I do feel broken. I always apologized to him because I felt it was my fault, that I did something wrong. I also feel bad because it's not only hurting me, it's hurting my whole family. My mom was so upset this last time. I don't want them to get hurt again. Maybe one day I'll want to ttc again. I do in a way, but it's like a piece of my heart was lost with the babies. I'm just not as into it as I was. Idk. Why does this have to be so confusing?