Yes or No? Advice wanted

missy123 · #1 July 5th, 2010, 10:38 AM

If your eggs were too old and you were not able to have a baby and your much younger best friend offered to donate her eggs would you do it or just quit TTC?

There is no right or wrong answer.

Thanks!

brandimomof2 · #2 July 5th, 2010, 11:13 AM

That would be a tough decision. I think I may seek other options first and do a lot of praying if it were me. If there would no other options I would consider it but not sure I would do it or not.

Kary♥RN · #3 July 5th, 2010, 11:35 AM

Missy... If it was me.. and I was in your postion. At this point.. You were ready to give up and adopt. This would be a chance to carry your own baby. (Not that adoption would not be your own, baby..) But having an egg donation. You would still have part of your DF, soon to be dh ... and you would be the one to carry that baby, nourish that baby, feel that baby. It may not be your "DNA from an egg".. But the baby will see mommies baby belly growing, See the glow, the happiness.. of his/her mommies pregnancy. It would be your baby. In all the ways but your egg. Your friend is giving you a beautiful gift. I would consider it. Very seriously. But in the end it is your's and DF final yes or no. HUGS.... I will be here for you if you ever want to talk.. I am a text or call away!!!! HUGS

Celena · #4 July 5th, 2010, 11:39 AM

Hey honey

I've missed you!

What does your heart tell you? If it's something that you both would consider doing I say go for it!

I can't answer this very well because I go back n forth on how I feel. A friend of mine offered to do that for me as well and I was sort of offended when she said it. Guess I certainly wasn't ready for something like that at the time. I think right now I would feel a little uncomfortable with it because it wouldn't be my eggs, my dna with DH's and we want our baby. At the same time I would be carrying the baby, it would be of my blood nourishing and growing s/he inside of me so of essense it would be from "us". I'm personally torn on that avenue. I just don't know.

I'm sorry that I'm no help here on a yes or no answer, for me it's not that simple either.

Kary great minds think alike...

it's hard to answer and I think I was answering more from my perspective, but what you said is perfect as in trying to answer if Missy.

we love you Missy and want you to be happy in every way possible!!! I think it's wonderful idea and something to truly consider.

MomtoCTSK · #5 July 5th, 2010, 12:27 PM

I would probably look to anonymous donor first before I would use somone's eggs that I know BUT that is just me. I think it is a wonderful thing for your friend to offer and I think ultimately it is what you and your DF are most comfortable with. I agree with the ladies who said in the end it would be you and your DF's baby so it really depends on what avenue you feel is best for you to take.

msshamis23 · #6 July 5th, 2010, 01:03 PM

That would definitely be a tough decision to make. Your friend is offering an amazing gift, and one that would go above and beyond any normal friendship. And it does give you a chance that adoption wouldn't. You'd be able feel your baby grow, nourish it, move around inside of you. And as wonderful as adoption is, you miss out on that part of being a mother. (Not that there is anything less about adoption!) It would have your DH's DNA, and even though it is not you're egg you are using, it would be you that's bringing it into the world.

(I know i'm repeating what the other girlies have said, but I do agree with them)

If it were me though, I agree with momtoctsk, I would probably do an anonymous donor. While it is a great gift, your friend is offering, I'd tend to look at it this way: This is (insert friends name) and my DH's baby. This is what their baby would look like. (I can't help it, i'd probably just end up being jealous, and not even mean to, which would be even worse because of how big of a deal it is with a friend giving her egg) While with an anonymous donor, I wouldn't know them, and wouldn't even think about it much.

I'm sorry I probably didn't help much.

*hugs*

ldovey83 · #7 July 5th, 2010, 01:14 PM

Hey Missy hun it was great to see you here again...

Like everyone else said it is definitely going to come down to yours and DH's final decision.. I don't know if I missed something, but has your egg quality been confirmed as "too old"? If it was confirmed if my DH was fine with it I think it is a great blessing from your friend.. It m ight be hard in the area that it is your friends egg and not your own, but if you could look past that it is a great thing.. Like Kary said you can feel the carrying part of the child and that bond you create while pregnant.. I will keep you in my prayers while you decide on this major decision.. HUGS hun..

JessP · #8 July 5th, 2010, 03:07 PM

That is a tough decision and not one taken lightly I am sure. I agree with everyone and can see all sides.
Both what a blessing the donation could be and the not so great side. It all comes down to how you feel about it.

I pray that whatever you decide will make you both very happy.

missy123 · #9 July 5th, 2010, 06:37 PM

Yeah, I have high FSH and a few months ago the RE suggested egg donation.

I have a lot to think about. She approached me with her mom and sister this weekend about it. She did it completely out of love for me and seeing me struggle hurts her as well. I was shocked and started crying. That is complete love on her end. Her and her husband are coming over Friday and we will talk more. This is so hard for me for so many reasons. I appreciate your thoughts and comments. xoxoxo

SkyBaby · #10 July 5th, 2010, 10:39 PM

I think maybe anonymous would be best, but I'm not gonna repeat all of what everyone else has said. Choose what makes you and your DH happy. Good luck in whatever it is you choose.

ldovey83 · #11 July 6th, 2010, 11:43 AM

Missy I can't imagine what all is going through your head right now.. I have never looked into the prices of what it would cost, but I really hope that with you sitting down with her and her dH and you and your DH that you guys can get some answers and no where to take it from there.. She sounds like a great friend that really cares about you and that is a nice thing to have.. Like I said I am praying for you and will continue to do so.. Keep us posted hun.

ohnicole · #12 July 6th, 2010, 01:06 PM

I hope that you and DH can come to a decision on this. Like the other girls said, it is such a personal decision that I'm not sure any of our opinions will be much help. Your friend's offer is a beautiful gift.

I'm not sure about the financial implications of using your friend's eggs vs. an anonymous donor. If they are equal in terms of cost, I would probably go with an anonymous donor to avoid any awkwardness like the other girls have mentioned. But if there is a price difference and your option is these donated eggs or adoption, I think I would accept the eggs to have the chance to go through the pregnancy.

But whatever feels right to you is what you should do

We are always here for a sounding board. Good luck with the decision!