Am I being irrational?

luvmykids623 · #1 July 24th, 2010, 05:25 AM

This is our first cycle ttc our next little one, and I'm 2dpo. I'm a teacher, so I'm on summer vacation and haven't talked to my friends at work a whole lot since we're all enjoying our time away. Anyway, yesterday I was emailing back and forth with one of the first grade teachers who has an 8 month old son. I knew they were planning on ttc around the time that he turned 1. Yesterday she told me that they decided to start ttc early, and this is their first cycle too. My immediate reaction was to be super excited for her! Apparently I'm in the minority. Everyone thinks she's nuts to want 2 under 2, but I've been there, done that, and didn't think it was too bad, so I was encouraging her that she could do it and sharing my excitement. I thought it would be really neat if we got pregnant around the same time so our kiddos are the same age.

Then the loss part of my brain kicked in. I've never gotten a sticky bfp my first time trying. I lost a baby before each of my living children. So, I started to think what if we do get preggo at the same time and I lose the baby like normal. Then I will have a constant reminder of where I should be. I had that with my other two losses in my family or other friends, but she's under my nose every single day. It took her 6 months to conceive her DS, and I don't want her to go through that again. I really want her to get her bfp right away. I want both of us to get sticky bfps and have healthy babies, but the selfish, self preservation part of me is screaming. A teeny, tiny part of me doesn't want her to get her bfp until I get a sticky one.

I feel incredibly guilty for even thinking this way. Am I being irrational?

missy123 · #2 July 24th, 2010, 05:34 AM

No you are not irrational. The jealousy we feel for others comes from our loss and what should have been for us. I am not a jealous person at all and I could have written what you wrote. (Hugs) Losing a child changes our ways of thinking forever.

dreamer10 · #3 July 24th, 2010, 05:46 AM

Feelings are feelings. They cant be right or wrong. I have had three loses in the last year and each one of the pregnancies was with a good friend. I have watched two of them have their babies now and the third is due soon. It's so hard to sit and hold those sweet babies knowing that I should have one now too. Hang in there and know that we have all felt that way once in a while....

~InHisHands~ · #4 July 24th, 2010, 06:12 AM

I think those feelings are normal... we just can't let them control us.

Brittanie · #5 July 24th, 2010, 07:09 AM

Like the others said, I think it's normal to feel this way. I hope you both get sticky bfps right away too.

MamaRN · #6 July 24th, 2010, 08:34 AM

No, your feelings are normal. My sister and I got PG 2 1/2 weeks apart this last time. She has a son who is 9 months and my daughter just turned 1 so we were PG last time together too. We were so excited to be PG again at the same time, and then I had a m/c at 8 weeks. I am still very happy for her but it's hard to see her growing and having healthy ultrasounds and doctors' appts., not because I don't want that for her, but because I know I should be going through it too.

((HUGS))

TTCin2010 · #7 July 24th, 2010, 12:19 PM

My friend told me on Thursday that they are TTC just starting this month. At first I was happy also. It would be cool to be pregnant together. But then I thought what if I have another MC. It would totally suck, because we see each other 2-3 times a week.

ashj_1218 · #8 July 25th, 2010, 04:24 AM

Of course your feelings are normal. Who wants a reminder of where they would be if their miscarriage hadn't happened? It is the emotional preservation part of you that is saying "I hope I get a sticky positive first." It is not something you can control.

I have the same feelings about the mom's in my mom's group. There are three of us starting to try in a month or two and I feel sort of scared that they are both going to be pregnant, while I either try and can't get pregnant or lose one. BUT, I am trying not to think that way. Just don't let those feelings out in the open...just on here

Think those positive thoughts, if just for your sanity!

Oh, and I don't think she is crazy either. We started trying for our second when our son was 7 months. We lost the one we conceived immediately and are planning to start trying again when he is just about a year.