[Celena]

Finally I have a day off!

So I'm supposed to be 13dpo and nothing, no BFP and lots of white inet cheapies. I'm heartbroken. The +'s I've gotten in the past with my living children have always been when AF is due and extremely light so maybe I'm a late implanter (?) BUT I'm losing hope and fast. And with saying that my angel's angelversary is only 4 days away which makes it even harder, I can't believe we've bee fricken TTC all together now for 29 months! There's nothing wrong (except totally blocked left tube) so what gives? Eggs n egg quality is fine, hormones are fine, endo lining fine, pretty much everything is "ok"

I'm devastated... thought we would be pregnant by now. Or that THIS cycle was it! Ya ya ya, it's not over until the witch flies. Grr, whatever!

DH is more involved than ever now which is wonderful... we want *our* baby together! We have that dream of having our child together and sometimes I see it slipping away. I'm so frustrated. Ya know I struggle with the fact that we're having such a hard time. Why could I do ok and have children in my 20's with my ex (and 1 loss back then) then go thru 3 losses and 2 chemicals that I know if with DH. And there's supposedly nothing wrong with me?

I hate it when people say I should be thankful for the children I do have and are living, what an assinine comment! Of course I am, but it's like this... we're married, together, have no kids and want one of our own TOGETHER. We don't feel like we're complete and know our baby or babies are out there. So why is that so wrong? Why should anyone lay judgement on us? So if we had none from previopus relationships it would be ok to TTC? **** OFF people. They have no idea the pain, internal struggle and anguish we've been thru. FACK!

I'm just so sad riught now.

And I really feel like AF is coming now.

[ohnicole]

Celena, I am so sorry you're having a rough time BFNs are the devil, especially after you've been TTC for so long through so many losses. Feel free to vent and scream as much as you need- we all understand.

Huge hugs, Celena.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Celena! Super big massive hugs coming your way! Don't you give up hope! I know deep down in my heart that you and your DH will get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I know that there are some days that are easier than others but just know that if you ever need anything even if you just need to scream/cry ANYTHING I'm here. There is sunshine after the rain hun and even though its raining now it can't rain forever. I love you girl.

[BeccaM]

Celena... Im sorry your having rough day. I know you and DH will get your baby soon! I know exactly how you feel. As I read your post it was brining tears to my eyes because everything you said is exactly how I am feeling today, which in a stange way helped me because it reminded me again that I am not alone. BIG HUGZ! It can only get better...right?

[LisaG825]

Celena- I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish there was a way to take away all of your pain. You and DH will have your baby one day.

[dreamer10]

You go girl...vent and let all that anger and frustration out! You need to! We all can listen with empathy and understanding....you got us...

[luvmykids623]

Oh Celena, great big I am so sorry that you've had to go through this, and that you're having such a rough day. I agree, you let it out, we're here. I hope you get your sticky bfp soon! I just know that you'll have your baby together one day! Don't listen to those people who tell you that you need to be thankful for what you have. You ARE thankful. You just want a baby together, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. You're right, they don't know what it's like, and since they don't they need to keep their stupid mouths shut!

[missy123]

I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT!!!


I am here for you... I understand. Super big hugs honey. xoxoxo

[tobi4]

Celena, Im so sorry its hitting you so hard today. I too know the feelings you are having, and I wish I could be there to at least offer you a shoulder. Its coming, you have to believe that. Theres a purpose in everything right? When its time, it will happen. I know how it just doesnt seem to make any sense. We try so hard to put everything into place, make sure everything is timed perfectly and yet it doesnt happen. It makes no sense! Put your faith in whatever the plan may be. (Easy to say it, I know) but dont give up hope, hun.

[ldovey83]

Celena girl I am glad that you can come here and vent to us.. I think at some point we all go through that... I am so sorry that you are having a rough day... I am sending a big old hug your way... You can lean on all of us when you aren't strong.. We all know you give us your shoulder when we need one.. HUGS!!!! Hang in there hun..

[~Lynda~]

you are getting the biggest hugs i have, because i know EXACTLY how you feel!!! Exactly! there unfortunately isn't much i can say to change it. some people are stupid. they don't know what to say, so they say something insensitive and dumb. i'm so sorry for your anguish. I could cry on a daily basis for you, me and all the other ladies who are struggling with what seems to be so easy for many! it seems so darn unfair. Get it out girl, we are here for you!!!! HUGS

[Celena]

thank you all so much

think being exhausted from the new job, FM flaring, coming to the end of this cycle our angel's angelversary... I can't take it today. Emotional train wreck.

I want to go grab a green tea latte with a couple shot of espresso, some comfort food for dinner and a big fat sweet treat for afterwards.

DH didn't even realize it's our angel's angerlversary, think I made him cry telling him today. Good thing he was at work so we didn't have to face each other at that moment. Was already bawling.

I know most of these people that make these socially challenged comments, don't know me or us... don't understand what we've been thru... can't see that for themselves, but it still hurts during those fricken weak moments. It feels like I've had so many over the journey. I try to be more upbeat, positive and not harbor ill will as if that God isn't going to bless us otherwise. Just kills me... my cousin who miscarried just after this little one has given birth already within the past couple of weeks with her rainbow baby. Here we are empty, void ours... I need to get my head out of my butt already and try to cheer up. There's no sunshine up there.

Thanks for listening... I'm sorry I haven't been around more, work has me tired and busy.

[TTCin2010]

So sorry your having a rough day. HUGS

[missy123]

((hugs)) love you!

[Celena]

I need to chin up buttercup...

Love you too Missy

Thanks for all the hugs, I'm sorry that I was such a debbie downer today! I've been good overall until today.

[BrandiJeane]

Sorry your having a bad day sweetie!
Im so sorry you have to deal with people and there rude a** comments. I get them quite often as well!!
Praying for you!! and your BFP!!

[stargatemommy]

Sorry you are having a bad day off... I agree people can say the stupidest things. I don't have kids, so I get different comments. Usually, "Be glad you don't have kids, because you can sleep in." I get lots along those lines....

[momof6lopez]

Celena, I could of written your post a short while ago too.........I understand that void with the man you want to complete your family with. I also was told the same thing, and not by strangers, but by family and friends who know me well and what we went through. Made it hurt that much more.........I did not need to be made to feel selfish and ungrateful on top of all the hurt that three mc's had already given me. I just wanted to say that your thoughts and feelings are justified, and you have the god given right that all of us should have, to create a human being out of the love you share with your husband. Hugs and love to you sweety.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Celena never feel sorry for posting on here how you feel! Because each and every one of us either feels this way or has felt this way. Your going to have your ups and downs and we are here to help pick you up when you need us to and celebrate with you when the time comes (which it will I just know it)

[JessP]

Love you girl! You guys will get there. And you deserve all the happiness in the world. Don't listen to those people. Its not their life so screw them.