[supermom111681]

Okay, so right now I am back in the "I hate everything and everyone" stage. My ex-husband took it upon himself to inform me today that him and his new wife are expecting and due the same month I would have been due. I just lost it. Told him congrats and ran into the bathroom at work bawling. I have not stopped crying much since then.

I now know 10 people (4 already had babies, 6 currently pregnant). I am just mad at the world. Why did this have to be me. I hate God, I hate my ex and his new wife, I hate life. Why after 22 months of trying would I get pregnant and then have it ripped away? I would have rather never been pregnant at all. Just because I got pregnant this time does not mean that it is ever going to happen again.

I tend to be a glass half empty type of person when it comes to this, just because I have been proven to not be pregnant so many times. My DH on the other hand is a glass half full type of person and he just keeps telling me it will happen, it will happen. That pisses me off to know end cause he can't guarantee me that it's going to happen really soon or at all for that matter. All we have done since this loss is fight and he tells me that the sex is crappy now. Well what the hell does he want out of me. I guess it will just get to the point where I have to grieve on my own and come home and pretend around everyone else.

How come it seems as though absolutely no one understands what I am saying? I have watched other women close to me have MC's and get pregnant a month or two later. I don't understand how you wait? I am ready to just give up on everything in life.

[dreamer10]

I am so sorry. Your feelings are understandable and some of the people in your life are just not going to understand because they haven't been through it. Go ahead and be mad, cry, vent and let it all out. You might even want to find a great support group in your area so that you can find friends near you who do understand and can be there for you.

Hang in there and know your are prayed for here on JM....so many of us know how you feel....

[ahawkin2]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I agree with the first comment "they just dont understand". We are all here for you anytime you need to talk.

[ohnicole]

I am so sorry for everything you've been through. There are plenty of days when I hate everything and everyone, too! Sometimes it is the only way to make it through.

My DH and I are in a similar situation as far as your disagreements. I am really starting to realize that it is absolutely a possibility that this may never happen for us. And DH is always all "It will happen. It will happen soon. It will happen by "magical time". " And then "magical time" rolls around and it doesn't happen, and I am destroyed, and he just moves on to the next magical time.

I don't know what to tell you to bridge that gap with DH, but I wanted to let you know that you are not the only one feeling that way. Do your venting and complaining here- we understand!

[mary30]

I understand that ex part. I had my loss June 6th and the next couple weeks I found out my ex and his wife is expecting. what makes me really mad is he does not deserve to have children at ALL. For myself and my dh to lose another child and to have him have another. I also have 5 family memeber due within two months that I was supposed to deliever....big hugs

[~InHisHands~]

I am so sorry & can relate in a lot of ways. It took 3 years to get pg, only to have a m/c at 11 wks last year on July 1st (so it has actually been yet another year that I HAVEN'T gotten pg). I cried out to God, "WHY?" I never got mad at Him (it's completely okay to be angry at Him but I just never did) but I can tell you that He hurt my feelings sooooooooooo much & while I am definitely in a better place now I still think back on my miracle baby & miss him/her with all my heart. Through it all though, I have grown closer to God & have really & I mean REALLY seeked Him & have learned to lean on Him. I have grown so much closer to Him through this journey & know from personal experience that He always provides & is sufficient to get you through these times. There is no way I could have made it this far w/ only my strength & w/o His strength. He has & is carrying me through this. One of the best things that I did after my loss is a Bible study... Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy. I LOVE this study & it really helped me through the pain.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just wish I could take all the pain away. Of course, I can't... He is the only one who can & He absolutely can; He did mine.

[luvmykids623]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I remember being in a similar place (without the ex part which must be unbearable) after my first loss. I was angry at everything and everyone ESPECIALLY God. That made it even more scary, because I was taught that was something I was never supposed to be. I couldn't help it. There were very few people that understood what I was going through, and they kept telling me stupid things like "it just wasn't meant to be," etc. the list of hurtful things goes on and on. I thought I would never get passed the anger and hate. It took a really long time, but I did. I still miss both of my babies with all my heart, but I'm not seething with anger like I used to be. I hope that you're able to find some comfort in the ladies on this board. They really are amazing. I just want to give you great big

[Ashmommyof3.5]

(((hugs)))