Not sure if I will fit in here.... newbie

mommy2olliebeans · #1 August 5th, 2010, 09:06 AM

Hi girls....

My name is Caylee and I am 29 years old, recently married, mom to ds Alex (13), stepmom to dsd Jasmine (2.5), and angelmommy to Grace (forever 3y).

My precious girl, Gracie, was 3 years and 4 months old when she died on November 16, 2009 from complications arisen from the H1N1 virus. She was ill for 4 weeks, on life-support in a pediatric ICU for 3 of those weeks. She was the light of my life and I miss her so much.

Dh and I have been TTC since about January. In the past 6 months, I've been mostly just taking prenatals, vitamins, and doing some temping.

So far we've had no luck. I've seen my doctor a few times now regarding this, and he has some testing/investigating planned for me beginning next month if I don't fall pregnant by September's cycle.
He says that I do have my age on my side, as well as the fact that I've had had 2 full-term pregnancies, and DH has produced 2 children as well.....

They are saying right now that it is possible that my hormones are unbalanced and not recovered yet since the tragic loss of Gracie but they still want to do some investigations because they are surprised that it hasn't happened yet...

Anyway, I am hoping that I will fit in here.

luvmykids623 · #2 August 5th, 2010, 09:40 AM

Hello and

. Let me say how very very sorry I am for the loss of your sweet Gracie. She's only 8 days older than my DS, and I can not even imagine what you must be going through.

You will most definitely fit in here. These ladies are so supportive and awesome. I hope your doctor is able to figure out what's going on with your cycles, and you get your bfp soon!

Kary♥RN · #3 August 5th, 2010, 09:52 AM

Caylee I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Beautiful Gracie. I am Kary one of the co-hosts... I have lost three pregnancies. So While it was not a Earth Child.. We know the hurt of loss. And we allso know what desire it is to try and concieve another child. You will fit in with us, I am glad you found our board, Welcome. The journey of TTCAL is a hard one. So many more emotions.. than just trying to concieve. We will be here to help you through this small part of journey.. HUGS

dreamer10 · #4 August 5th, 2010, 11:19 AM

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter. I am sure she watches over you all now. You are welcome here and there are so many of us who have had to go through testing and try to find the answers for our losses and not being able to concieve. Hang in there and welcome...

mommy2olliebeans · #5 August 5th, 2010, 11:29 AM

Thanks for the welcomes :-) I wasn't sure if I could fit, because I've never had a miscarriage before - just the loss of my little girl.

While I've never miscarried in the past as far as I know, this is the biggest thing that scares me right now. This waiting and waiting and waiting impatiently to have a baby, I am afraid that something will happen......

I'm sitting here at CD33 right now, usually my cycles are either 28 days or 29 days...... but I had a BFN on Saturday when I tested at home........ The doctor yesterday says that if AF doesn't show up before the end of the weekend, then I will go back and he will do a blood test... and start the testing next month if it doesn't happen before the middle of September.....

I just want this baby so badly.

~InHisHands~ · #6 August 5th, 2010, 06:00 PM

I am so sorry for your loss!

She is so beautiful (pics in your siggie)!!!

though I hate to have to welcome you to this board.

I'm Amanda, wife to Mike & mom to Austin (14) & an angel (through m/c last year at ~ 11 wks). I've also been dealing with infertility for 4 years so I know the pain of TTC & loss (though a much different kind of loss than yours). I hope you guys can figure it out & conceive soon!

Ashmommyof3.5 · #7 August 5th, 2010, 06:37 PM

Welcome to the board! The ladies here are very supportive and kind hearted.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Brittanie · #8 August 5th, 2010, 08:33 PM

Gracie was born 2 months and 2 days after my angel Cora was born.

I don't think it matters to any of us how old your child was at the time they died. I used to cohost pregnancy loss, and would tell ladies, that really a loss is a loss. There isn't a time that is "better" or "worse." It's different at different stages, but it doesn't hurt any more or less. And once you've had a child die, you can't any longer just expect everything to be hunky dory. It steals your innocence. And having another baby is putting yourself at risk for another loss, so it's scary.

I guess that's a long way of saying, of course you fit in here.

I'm so sorry that Gracie can't be with you. I wish you didn't have to be here. But you're very very welcome.

Butterflywings02 · #9 August 6th, 2010, 06:16 AM

Welcome.... We lost our daughter Alexis Dec 10, 2009.. She was a day short of being 4 months when she died and would have been 1 next Wednesday.... I agree with the others a loss is a loss and the pain is suffocating. We got pg again in march but misscarried in april, i really think it was stress still from lossing Lexi.

Good luck to your sweetie and hoping you get your BFP this month.

mommy2olliebeans · #10 August 6th, 2010, 07:06 AM

Thank you all. It is nice to have someone to talk to who is at the same place that I am right now. I just really want this to happen, and hopefully soon.

Brittanie - I remember little Cora. Gracie was actually due in June but born in July, so before she was born, I was still a member of the June DDC and I was always checking out the May and July DDCs as well. Very, very sad.........

Elizabeth - I'm so sorry about Lexi. I wish you luck in your journey too.

I hope we all just get some BFPs soon