[sheephater321]

hello everyone. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm hoping for some advice. I know I've posted before about similar stuff, but I'm still struggling a lot. I've had 2 miscarriages in the past 7 months. I was diagnosed with a heterozygous C677T MTHFR defect , which I'm told "may" be the cause of the miscarriages. I've been taking prescription folic acid as suggestd by my doc. I was also told to wait 3 months before trying again. Well, here I am...it's been 3 months and now I'm kind of freaking out. I want to get pregnant SO bad but at the same time, I just feel exhausted and I am really scared of losing a 3rd pregnancy. I'm also just scared of feeling so wore out before I really begin the 'real work' of raising a child! Obviously having a child IS the goal here, but I'm just so mad b/c I felt so ready and calm about this before the first loss. Now I just feel like a mess in a lot of ways.
To make matters worse, I am really uncomfortable at my job and have been debating leaving it for months. My job is extremely social and I have a social anxiety disorder. This causes a lot of stress even under normal circumstances. I also just hate what I do there. But I do work with a lot of good people and I dont want to dissapoint them or upset them by leaving. I work at a Fish and Wildlife area by the way...this actually brings me to another point...part of my job also entails handilng and tagging dead animals that hunters bring in. So, there's my job problem in a nutshell. My husband supports my decision to leave but i feel torn and I feel like a pansy jerk for considering it when jobs and money are so hard to come by. Plus I know my situation could be worse and that many people fight through much worse things. BUT all I can think about is how I want to leave, get pregnant ,and hopefully enjoy the next 9 months...as stress free as possible.
So..sorry for writing a book on here, but i would love to hear from others on here. Any advice on my situation?

[msshamis23]

I know how you feel. As if life isn't stressful enough without having to add the worries of TTC, and then TTCAL. I have generalized anxiety disorder and so this has been very hard for me too.

*hugs*

As for the job situation, i'm not quite sure what I would do there. If it's adding to your stress then it can't be a good place for you to be in. Though there is the thought that if you DID quit, would you and DH still be able to pay the bills, etc? Because if it would wear you guys thin, there could be potential stress added to that as well. Another thing to consider I guess. Have you talked to your doc about your SA disorder? He might have some things, that might help you get over that. I know when I talked to mine, he taught me some really good deep breathing mantras and was able to switch me to a different medication that really helped keep the stress at bay. (or as much as it could be kept at bay.....it's been getting quite worse since my loss)

It also proves true that when you are TTC, all anyone can think about is getting pregnant, and then when you have losses added into the mix it makes the need stronger, and more stressful. Maybe take a break from active TTC, and just do NTNP for a little while, and see if that helps ease anything. Or if you are currently NTNP, then try charting, or OPKS. Just keep switching up your methods, and it should keep things at least a little funner and more at ease.

*big hugs* feel free to PM me if ya need to.

[sheephater321]

hello msshammis...thank you very much for your reply. You are right about the anxiety adding so much stress. I am not seeking out medicine for my anxiety right now b/c I am scared of doing so while TTC. I'm sure there are many safe options, but I'm just nervous about every litte thing right now. Your non-medicine options are a great idea though. =)
About the money situation.....it would make things a bit tougher if I left my job. And I would have some guilt about that, but I did not work at all for a year and we did okay. It's not an ideal situation, but everything got paid. We just didn't have much money to spare. I would love to have the money and we could REALLY use it. And if this was the first pregnancy attempt I probably wouldn't even be considering leaving my job at least not until I was like 8 months along anyways. I plan to be a stay at home mom for a few years.
The last two times we got pregnant, it only took us one month to conceive. I hope that part will continue this time around. We just have trouble with the 'sticking' part. So,if things go as i hope and pray they will this time around, I will get pregnant just as quickly and it will finally work this time. You never know how long it will take though. I could leave my job and then we could struggle for who knows how long...OR I could get a sucessful pregnancy and there would only be a difference of quitting now or in about 8 months..
sorry for rambling again.....i'm going crazy with these thoughts....thank you again for your help =)

[msshamis23]

Yeah I tried the non medication route, right after we started TTC for that very reason as well. I was doing ok. I tried herbal remedies, and teas, etc instead to try and stay stress free. It worked at first just because there wasn't really anything stressing me at the point (bills were paid, still had a little money left over, etc) Then I talked to my doctor about what meds were safe to take during TTC, and he told me that if I wanted to take my lexapro (general anxiety drug, one pill a day sort of thing) it would be just fine. Lexapro is perfectly safe to take during the first trimester. (I wanted to get back on it because, it was around Christmas time and I always get really stressed around then.) That's when he taught me a bunch of other breathing activities, and mantras that really helped a bunch. After my loss, I've still continued with my lexapro, but i'm starting to get more attacks, then ever and the lexapro just isn't doing it's job anymore, so I have an appointment with him tomorrow to get me back on my klonapin for when my attacks get really bad. (I hardly ever had to take it before, just knowing I had it--for just in case attacks, really helped me through them, and prevent them. I was able to make one script for 15 last two years!)

Though I completely understand wanting the non medication route. Just ask your doc for some advice about getting through them without meds. I'm sure he/she will come up with a bunch of stuff to try, and see what works for you.

[sheephater321]

thank you so much for all of your help and information. I really appreciate it and you've given me some ideas to think about. I hope everything works out for you as well....wishing you the best =)