[GoldenTickets]

It's officially been a week since my D&C (and 8 days since we found out the heartbeat stopped). The first few days were rough for me, physically and emotionally. Sunday, all of the sudden, I almost felt "normal" again. My body pretty much felt back to normal (except for the bleeding thing) and I wasn't as emotional. While it felt great, I then started feeling guilty that i WASN'T as emotional as I was last week. (Weird, I know).

I don't know what was going on today, but I was so emotional again. I cried at least a few times at work. It's my slow time at work, so it wasn't work stress at all. If anything, the slowness today might've made things worse (it allowed my mind to wander). Instead of my day being filled with meetings, I was at my desk all day doing paperwork, and my mind kept going off in weird directions. When I got home I cried. I went for a walk and cried. I'm on call this work for work, and I had the phone on vibrate in my pocket during my walk. Turns out there are two buzz options, and one only buzzes for phone calls apparently (and not the text pages that alert us to the emergency call). So I missed an on-call page, which I felt horrible about because it meant the back-up person had to answer the call. (The call was just a notification, luckily, and my back-up called my personal cell to alert me to check the phone. She's so nice) So that just made my day soooooo much better, and I pretty much bawled for about 5-10 minutes after that.

I don't know what's up with me. I think I'm already starting to worry about this whole "TTC" thing and if I'll be able to track everything correctly. (DH and I were NTNP before, and my periods are irregular... anywhere from 3.5-9 weeks in the last year). Worried about what would happen if I miscarried again, or if something else happens.

Goodness, I'm really just feeling kind of crazy. Is this still my body trying to get back to normal??

[Celena]

TOTALLY your body trying to get back to normal... the hormones are still floating around and it's playing havoc on you which is possibly why you felt semi-normal yesterday, break down crying today... it takes time physically as well as emotionally. Sometimes our minds protect us and we sort of go numb, not feeling/dealing with it... then later we break down as the wall falls and the emotions come flooding out about our grief, loss(es).

Take time for yourself, be gentle and accepting of yourself... don't pressure and feel guilty, you're going thru a very tragic time, a loss! Be aware that you're probably going to take some days, weeks or even months to get back to what you consider a norm. Open up and let go

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs!! I agree your body is trying to get back to "normal". But honestly after a m/c its hard to say what normal is. Everyone is different. I still have my good days and bad days. These ladies here help me though it all. I hope everything gets back to normal quickly for you.

[~Lynda~]

fluctuating hormones are very difficult to deal with. give yourself a break hun. You couldn't have controlled what happened so when you are ready to move forward, don't feel guilty! your little baby wouldn't want you to feel guilty!! hopefully your hormones will regulate and you will feel a bit more normal soon! hugs

[ashj_1218]

I am still doing what you are talking about...about three weeks out from the D & C (six weeks from finding no heartbeat). I really do think it is just hormones that are adjusting really quicky. I bled for a long time (almost three weeks) after, which was atypical...so I hoping now that things are physically settling down I will stop flying all over the map. I randomly cry, get mad easily...then things will be great for a day or two...then back to crying and wanting to kill someone. They will regulate. I know it is not what you want to hear, but it happens after birth too and feels the same. And it does end

As for the TTC thing, that is normal too. We were trying, but not hard really. And now it scares me to actually put effort into it and possibly fail or lose another baby. We decided to wait for a few months til I am more comfortable with things. When you mind is trying to wrap around this, it can be hard imagine doing things that will seem easier later on. Give yourself time to grieve and then think about TTC again (even though sometimes it seems that you HAVE to get pregnant to get over it). It won't seem as hard. Keep us posted. *HUGS*

[GoldenTickets]

Thanks ladies for the support. I felt much better today... I guess my hormones stabilized again for at least a few days. Yesterday I would have been crying reading these messages, but I'm fine today. I don't know what the next few days will bring, but the light at the end of the tunnel is that tomorrow is Friday!

[Momo]

I was and am the same way. I'll find myself feeling ok for a few days and then I'm bawling my eyes out the next day. It's hard. Grief is a journey that just takes time. Hugs.