[~LaurenNoel~]

My mom had 5 miscarriages (including 1 at 20 weeks). My mom had a horrible time with our loss at 10 weeks, as did my aunt, who is infertile. My mom was happy when we decided to try again almost right away. She did the same thing though. It's sad she experienced so much heartache, but it is also nice to have someone so close to me that understands.

How did you family handle your miscarriage? How do they feel about you TTC?

[tobi4]

My family was so supportive and understanding. They were so excited about having a new baby in the family. My DBF's family was pretty stand-offish. They arent very close to me or my children so I wasnt surprised at all. They would love for us to have a baby though, it will be their only grandchild. (Biological, I mean 7 years into a relationship and I would think they would have some sort of relationship with the 4 I have already!)
My children really really want a baby in the house. My parents are happy that we are TTC, everyone in my family is, actually. The only negative comments I hear are from some people outside my family, who make stupid statements like "How many kids do you have? How old are you?? You want another?" Makes me a little crazy sometimes!

[TTCin2010]

Both my parents have passed, but I know my Mum would have been excited about the baby, and supportive with the loss. Hubbies family doesn't show emotions, or talk about stuff like that. My MIL said oh well at least you know you can get pregnant.

[Brittanie]

My family was great. My mother had a 21 week stillbirth and 3 miscarriages. Her mother had a stillbirth (died during labor), and 2 of her 3 sisters had at least 2 miscarriages. Her other sister had 3 babies die from preterm labor (23-25 weeks). Her brother and his wife had a baby die shortly after birth from severe deformities. My dad's sister had 6 concurrent miscarriages, and his parents lost a baby just before her 3rd birthday. So to say my family understands put it mildly. And they were all very wonderful.

My MIL had two miscarriage, but she makes my stillbirth out to be so different, and worried so much about saying the wrong thing that she never really said anything, and I've had a hard time with that. She had bought several things for Cora that she was planning on giving away to other people after we lost her, until I told her that that hurt deeply, that I would prefer her to hold on to them for when we brought home a baby.

I think my hardest thing with my MIL is that we are just so very very different. She preferred never to talk about her losses so doesn't understand why I need to talk about Cora, so it makes me feel like she doesn't care. We're working on that though.

I didn't tell anyone really that we were TTC Erin. I didn't tell them we were pregnant until we had had an ultrasound with a heartbeat (at 9 or 10 weeks). When we did tell everyone, well, my family was very very excited and that helped. I think my MIL was, too, but like I said before, isn't very expressive about her emotions, so it felt like they were just holding their breaths and expecting it all to go wrong again.

But they made up for it when she was born.

[KAB]

My Father ignored it like it never happened, my MIL asked me why my babies fell out of me as if it were all my fault. Both of my sisters and all of the grandmothers were very, very supportive.

[MeganMomof5]

I've had some support...My mom has never had a pregnancy loss, so I think it was hard for her to understand...My sister had a loss at around 16 weeks I think ( she fell while bathing her kids had had a miscarriage)...She doesn't talk about it, and when I brought it up while I was in the hospital having Ella, she said she didn't want to talk about it...Honestly i'm not sure if it bothers her that much...I know that my aunt that passed away when I was really young had some pregnancy losses and my other aunt (her sister) told me that one was a pretty late loss...she was born with diabete's and wasn't able to have children and ended up adopting...Also, my mom's mom had a twin birth and only one baby survived, but my mom's mom also passed away when I was really young...So other than that no one in my family has been through pregnancy loss, so I don't think anyone knows how to act about my losses, and that's actually caused some problems because I don't feel like anyone supports me in the way that I need...As far as DH's family, after I had Ella all his mom did was compare our loss of her to his sister's loss of her baby girl who was also stillborn, probably around the same time as Ella, and that really made me mad...I didn't want to be told how I should feel and things I should do...When I had my 2nd pregnancy loss, not only did she not even congratulate us on our pregnancy while I was pregnant, she then sent us each a very impersonal, one line message on facebook...That pretty much broke the camels back and we aren't talking to his family right now....Really the only person in my family that is giving me a lot of support is my cousin...I got into a fight with my mom at the end of June and we haven't talked since...I thought she would call me when she found out about my miscarriage (My sister told her i'm sure), but she hasn't called me and it has really hurt me.

[SkyBaby]

My parents are wonderful. They understand completely what we went through and how we felt emotionally. My mom had 3 losses. My folks are very supportive and are thrilled we're ttc. They're looking forward to being grandparents. Months later and I was still crying about it almost daily, they totally understand and were very supportive.

My in-laws are looking forward to being grandparents, but didn't quite know what to do when I miscarried. They never had one. I understand they don't know the kind of pain we dealt with on a daily basis. They are still supportive and are very thrilled at the idea of becoming grandparents. When I was still crying about it months after the loss, my in-laws then started cramming the idea of therapy down my throat constantly. Like I said, they don't know the kind of pain I dealt with and live with now.

[Halfbaked]

we didn't tell anyone and won't when we get pg again. Having had my other kids early, they all think I have no right to want anymore. I get along with my family on everything but this. I don't get along with my in laws so I don't care if they never know we have one more.

[ashj_1218]

Thankfully, my family is full of support for this kind of thing. My own mom lost three (and had three), so she is well aware of the hurt and emotions that come behind it. She was great and let me vent and cry and be whatever I was feeling. I hope I don't follow her footsteps...although with two m/c and one baby, my odds aren't looking too hot

My MIL had one before having her two boys and often ran into negativity about her wanting children. She did not give birth to my husband (the older of the two) until she was 34, ancient back 27 years ago. She had his brother two years later. So she was very supportive and kind (even though she doesn't much like me!)

My father addressed it and said he was really sorry. That one made me cry the most. He is not a soft kind of guy. My FIL didn't say anything, but more out awkwardness than anything! The rest of my family who knew was wonderful. I only had one person say "You can try again" without addressing the loss at all...my husband!!

[LisaG825]

My family cried and all came to hospital to see my little boy. Some chose not to see him. It was hard. I don't really think my dad or stepdad cried, but I know my sisters, mother, stepmother, both g'mas, mil all cried about it. No one else had gone through a loss except my cousin and uncle so they didn't really know what I was going through. My cousin called and talked to me for a bit and my aunt, her mom, came up there.

As far as ttc, I am not supposed to yet. My mom is scared that something will happen again. If you don't know my history I had a partial molar pregnancy. I had to get blood work every week til my hcg reached negative 3 consecutive times. Then I switched to every 2 weeks (3 times) and monthly for about 4-6 times. Depends on when I decide to ttc again. After a molar preg. you have to wait 3 months to a year. The length of wait time depends on how long it takes to reach neg, if you had chemo, etc. It took me 6 1/2 months to reach negative. I had 3 methotrexate injections and 6 chemo IV treatments. I was told that it appeared that I developed GTN. There is a very small chance that the molar tissue can grow back if I get pg too soon. That is why I have to be monitored so closely. My mom is worried that something like that will happen again. Also my chances of having another molar are now 1 in 100 instead of 1 in 1500. I don't think anyone realizes what I have been through exactly.

I don't know if I will tell my family exactly when I can start trying. I think I may tell them that the dr. is going to clear me in January. I will prob. tell my mom but that is about it. We may try in November or December instead of January. I have to talk to my oncologist about it all.

[Justjessie]

Lurker (former member) popping in...

People who had a m/c understood and apologized and said they knew what I was going through...up until my m/c I guess I didn't know what THEY had gone through!

My mom never had a m/c so she tried to say the right things...but she just doesn't understand. And she knows she doesn't understand. But for her, saying nothing was awward...so she just kept talking.

DH wanted to know when I was going to get over it and how long I was going to use it as an excuse for. Uh, how about forever? I'm 8 months pregnant now and I am still upset about the one I lost. You don't "get over it".

When we got pregnant again...my very next full cycle...we were greeted with silence when we told people, and everyone said "I can't believe you are TELLING people, what if you LOSE IT???"

Well then, you'll know, and you can acknowledge and pray for that baby, too.

Even before I ever had a miscarriage, I pretty much knew to offer my condolences and skip the other "advice". And then ask periodically how things are going...if they want to talk, you can listen. If they don't want to talk about it...that's fine, too. And that's how I liked it when people handled it.

Of course now the one I lost is completely blown off and replaces by "the healthy one" coming...by everyone but me. I still remember that baby and wish there was a way I had both of them.

[ohnicole]

No one out of all the family that I talk to on a regular basis has had a loss, and they really have no idea what DH and I have been going through.

My mom had 2 kids, I was an accident, and she conceived my sister on her first month trying. I really think she has no concept at all of what it means to have to wait for a baby (and accept the possibility that you may never have one) or what it means to lose a baby. She has made some comments that have really hurt me- she just doesn't realize what she's saying, I think, but I don't feel like there is a lot of support there. A couple weeks ago she said something about how when I start trying to get pg again, I better get an IUD between babies or I'll just keep popping them out since our family is so fertile. And I said I doubted it since we'd already been trying for almost a year after our loss with no luck. And she just really said nothing.

My sister was a source of support, but she had a stroke early this year and is not really herself anymore. I can't really talk about TTC or my loss with her now.

DH's family try to be supportive, but somehow it ends up seeming like it is all about them (especially my MIL). During the month of my EDD, MIL told me how sad it was that there wasn't a baby that month because now when she walked by baby clothes stores, she couldn't go in and buy something cute. At least they remember the milestones, but it's just not the greatest support.

I guess I have mostly turned to one of my friends (the only one who has a baby) for support. And of course you ladies on JM

[supermom111681]

Most of my family meaning in laws too were very supportive. We were on vacation with my Dad's brothers and sister and their kids (about 18-20 of us total) and they were pretty supportive. None of them had ever had a loss. They all hugged both DH and I and said they were sorry to hear.

My one Uncle though was not able to be on vacation with us to get the news of the pregnancy or loss, so when he confronted me about it last week, he just didn't get the hint that I didn't want to talk about it. He is not married and has no kids.

Both of my grandmothers had multiple losses, but neither are around anymore, I would have gotten some great words of advice from them. My MIL has had losses before and we get along, just do not talk a whole lot. She doesn't understand really why we want one. We don't have any together, just two a piece with ex's.

My SIL has had 6 losses, but does not really understand where we are at, her losses are because of a blood disorder, mine was just unknown. They only told us to keep trying and don't give up.

[ldovey83]

My mom had 2 losses before me and then found out she had a cyst on one of her ovaries and had to have her ovary surgically removed.. She concieved all three of us on one ovary.. She said she never got as upset as I did when she lost her two babies.. I honestly don't know how you can't get upset, but maybe she wasn't trying I don't know.. Never really asked her.. My MIL has never had a loss, but she had a traumatic birth with my hubby he was down to 3 heartbeats per minute.. She had placenta abrivia.. (however you spell it) She has had more the approach of like a negative reaction.. When we found out we were pregnant in May she was really neg.. Shocked that we would tell her after the first two losses... Then when we lost that one she felt bad for how she reacted.. This time we didn't tell anyone, and it's been harder for me.. I don't think I will hold off teling anyone.. Especially cause I wound up going to the hospital this time and was admitted.. Had to tell people and explain.. I only had a few ppl visit me.. Our friend Fabio, and my MIL and FIL, and then my mom and Dad.. they brought my son to see his mommy and daddy.. My family has been good.. Some of my friends have been understanding and others have said things that have really upset me, but I didn't hold it against them because they are the ones who have never gone through it..