hi... I have no idea what I'm doing...

little.lili · #1 August 19th, 2010, 06:05 AM

Dh and I lost our baby last week...

The 1st few days I was literally sick at the idea of trying again... But now... I have no clue what I want.

I had a natural miscarriage, and I finally stopped bleeding 2 days ago... I finally had sex again... At first I was just horrified at the idea of getting pregnant again, and honestly still am...

But... I've been babysitting for a friend... and it's SO HARD... I LOVE children (I'm a teacher w/out a job) I just love being around them and I want my own... This pregnancy would have been our 1st... It's just so hard... I still have baby fever, but now I just don't want to be pregnant...

Does that even make sense?!

I'm supposed to go back to my Dr to discuss what's next... I have no idea if I want to be put on BC or ask how soon can I try again...

I feel soooooooooooooooo lost and confused

Help?

mmllhh · #2 August 19th, 2010, 07:26 AM

All of these feelings are completely normal. It's all part of the grieving proccess. You will be ready to try again at some point. Just allow yourself to grieve right now and get it all out. I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this, it's not fair. Feel free to vent here on this board, the ladies here are fantastic and can completely understand what you are going thru.
HUGS.

Pitridge · #3 August 19th, 2010, 07:29 AM

Your story sounds similar to mine. My m/c was my first time pg. The feelings are normal and right now you probably don't want to try to get pg again, but give it time, heal physically and mentally. You will know when you are ready again. HUGS

little.lili · #4 August 19th, 2010, 07:43 AM

Thank you for your words, ladies...

I know I still need time to heal... I just... I feel like I need to talk about it, you know?

I just moved and I don't really have many friends yet... I don't have a teaching job b/c I was so focused on the baby I didn't try to get a job... now school is starting and I have no job and now baby...

I feel like crap.... I don't like being home alone all day

Pitridge · #5 August 19th, 2010, 07:59 AM

When I had my m/c I knew I wanted to start trying right away, but I knew that it was better for my body to heal.
Please talk about all you want, we are all here for you.

ohnicole · #6 August 19th, 2010, 08:06 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very confusing trying to sort out your feelings right after a m/c. There will come a time when what you want is clearer. I hope you get there soon.

I also have no job right now. DH and I just moved and when we were planning for the move 6 months ago, I figured, I'm just going to get pg and want to be a SAHM, so what's the point of getting a job? But now I'm still not pg, and sitting at home all day. I've found that it helps to be really active around the house. I have been spending this week working on our landscaping, and the time has really flown by.

I hope you start feeling better soon!

little.lili · #7 August 19th, 2010, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohnicole

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very confusing trying to sort out your feelings right after a m/c. There will come a time when what you want is clearer. I hope you get there soon.

I also have no job right now. DH and I just moved and when we were planning for the move 6 months ago, I figured, I'm just going to get pg and want to be a SAHM, so what's the point of getting a job? But now I'm still not pg, and sitting at home all day. I've found that it helps to be really active around the house. I have been spending this week working on our landscaping, and the time has really flown by.

I hope you start feeling better soon!

Yeah..... I really need to stop moping around and work on the house...

Any time I get myself worked up thinking about everything I just mess up my day and waste time... I don't want to feel like this anymore... I just feel so drained of energy...

Pitridge · #8 August 19th, 2010, 08:47 AM

Other ideas could be for you to sign up for classes, I know many cities have all kind of classes (fitness, language) for cheap that you can join and meet some people, it will get you out of the house. Or maybe you will have a support group close.
Many years ago when I was out of a job, I would spend some time looking for a job and then I would go out and take a long walk with the dog, go to the mall, go to the beach.

little.lili · #9 August 19th, 2010, 09:05 AM

I just live in a really small area and there really isn't much offered here...

There are a couple of classes I saw at the community college that I could take... When I was pregnant I was so motivated to do things... I was going to the gym, trying hard to meet people... I feel like all that positive energy is gone...

Kinda need to pick myself up again...

Pitridge · #10 August 19th, 2010, 09:07 AM

Don't be so hard on yourself.......It will take a while to feel like your old self again, give it time.

ohnicole · #11 August 19th, 2010, 09:14 AM

Don't be too hard on yourself. Right after my loss, I HATED to be around other people. I just kept thinking, "These people are all going about their normal lives and MY BABY IS GONE!" So maybe it will be good for you to lay low for a while.

Your motivation to get out and do stuff will come back. Maybe you can spend your time researching classes, hobbies, etc. Then when you're feeling better you can jump right into things.

MeganMomof5 · #12 August 19th, 2010, 09:17 AM

I remember you from the March ddc...i'm sorry for your loss...Everything your feeling is normal, but like everyone else said, please don't be so hard on yourself...TTC after a loss is really hard, and I hope things get better soon. (((Hugs)))

little.lili · #13 August 19th, 2010, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeganMomof5

I remember you from the March ddc...i'm sorry for your loss...Everything your feeling is normal, but like everyone else said, please don't be so hard on yourself...TTC after a loss is really hard, and I hope things get better soon. (((Hugs)))

yup... unfortunately here I am now... sometime I feel like I always knew I'd be here...

ldovey83 · #14 August 19th, 2010, 10:45 AM

I am sorry for your loss.. I am going through my 4th loss now, and I wish I could say it gets easier but it dosen't... You just have to give yourself that time to heal and grieve and when you feel the time is right you can start ttc again. Hang in there hun.. Definitely try to find things to do.. It is hard when you are home all day with no one to talk too.. I rely alot on these ladies and they are great.. HUGS!!

T_Mommy · #15 August 19th, 2010, 02:46 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been through two. Just take your time to heal and know you don't have to make any decisions right away about ttc right now. If you go on bcp you can stop them at any time when you are ready again, or you can use condoms. After my first loss I thought there was no way I wanted to try again, but within about 2-3 months after my cycles were normal I started wanting to see a bfp instead of af and I knew I was ready. After the second loss, my most recent I was ready to try again right away. There is no right or wrong way to feel, just give it time. Maybe you could look for a part time job or something else to keep your mind busy. :support:

little.lili · #16 August 19th, 2010, 03:07 PM

Thank you for the support everyone...

I wish I could say that I know what I want, but I don't... Part of me want's to try again as soon as I can... Another part of me is telling me wait...

I think I am dealing well with my grieving... we are organizing and decorating what would have been the baby room (now guest room) and I feel like that has helped SO much... and baby sitting has also showed me that my baby fever is still there and I do want to move forward...

I'm mostly scared and hurt... I'm terrified of a second loss, and having to relive everything... I'm just not ready for that stress right now...

Goodness... I hope it's normal to be a complete mess of bouncing thoughts...