[msshamis23]

My ex is with a girl, and has been for almost a year. I found out in January--on DD's birthday that she was pg. I had not yet had my loss, and even still it hurt. It may be petty, and immature--but I wanted to be the one to give my daughter a sibling! I'm married! We have been trying, and yours just happened. Then when I had my loss, it intensified all of that ten fold. I'm jealous, angry, and even mean to them now because of it. I've always tried to be cordial with my ex, and his GF but, you know what they told me when I had my loss? She said, well at least she's getting a sibling now. And not two at once. So it's better for your daughter that you lost this, that you had to go through that.

What the? Who says this? Really?

They had their son today. (After numerous texts: I tried castor oil, i'm trying all of this stuff to jump start my labor) And even worse Kiki comes home: Mommy! my brother this, or my brother that. And I know she doesn't know any better, and of course shes excited, but still. Every time she says something like that it's like an ice storm piercing my heart.

I'm sorry. I just don't know how to handle this.

[Brittanie]

I'm so sorry honey. That's such a crappy situation to be in. But I promise you that it will still be special to her when she gets a sibling that lives with her. It's not like you won't be giving her something special when you do bring a baby home.

But that jealousy....it just sucks. It hurts so bad when you have the reality of what you lost illustrated in your life like that.

[ohnicole]

I'm sorry, Amy

That is a really tough situation... as if there isn't already enough pent up bad emotions with an ex, to feel like they are accidentally getting something you are trying so hard for. It sounds rough

And can I just say that your ex's GF is a *****!?!?! That is one of the rudest things I have ever heard of. No, it is never better that a pg, a baby, and all those dreams are lost!!

When she said that, did you flash in your mind to one of those fantasies where you knock her on the table and strangle her while making jungle cat noises like they always do on TV?

[ldovey83]

HUGS that is definitely rough to go through.. I am so sorry she said those things to her.. Someone should've gave her the paper on what not to say to someone who has lost a baby.. I don't know how I would handle it either hun to tell you the truth.. I get alot of people telling me now that I should be thankful for the son I have and what not, and it isn't easy... Just want to give you lots and lots of hugs.. We are here for you anytime you need vent.. Let it all out hun..

[msshamis23]

Thank you girls.
And yes Nicole, the thought did cross my mind

Kiki spends half the week with him and her, and the other half with me right now, so it would be like the baby is coming to live with her. They even asked if they could have her when she has the baby so that she can be a big part of it.....they asked before she went into labor (and I know that it's probably the best thing to prevent jealousy issues, but still.) I'm half tempted to just say no just because it's my part of the week, and I can be petty like that.

[ohnicole]

Do what you have to do to stay sane, Amy. A new sibling is going to be an adjustment for her, whether she's there right from the beginning or not.

[Brittanie]

I'd say no, too. Keep your schedule the way it is. That will be best for her. It's got the added benefit of you doing what YOU need, too, but it'll be enough of an adjustment that you should keep as many things the same for her as you can. Besides, it'll be better for THEM too, to have a few days with just them and the new baby.

[Celena]

Amy I'm sorry that's hard!

I have felt the very same way, but fortunately my kids dad/GF haven't that I know of, but it still makes me hope they don't or won't until long AFTER DH & I give our kids their 1st sibling from us.