[Banned-a brand new laura]

Intro: My name is Laura, and DH and I have been officially TTC for just 2 cycles, but there was a year of NTNP but hoping before that. Quite a few times, I would get what I thought was a really light BFP to quickly end in awful, awful, awful bleeding and cramping. Once I even had to have a D&C. Well, back in May we experienced an official chemical pregnancy. The times before, I didn't know if they were pregnancies or just bad periods. But this time, a Dr. confirmed my pregnancy and we got all excited and whatnot. It made me realize how important it was for me to be a mommy, and I'd look at DH and think about how special it would be to make him a daddy. After all of the early losses, my cycle has never been the same. Last last cycle it was 44 days, and then before that 22, and I'm in the TWW as of now.

On to the post...

One of my subordinates at work today, a 17 y/o girl said she had to tell me a secret as it would relate to her performance in the future and whatnot, and made sure to emphasize the secrecy of what she was about to say. She and her new bf, they literally have been together less than a month, are pregnant. She didn't know anything about me TTC because I don't talk about that at work, and she didn't realize how it would make me feel. I know it's not right to feel jealous or upset when I hear about another person pregnant, but it is what it is and I can't help feeling that way. I'll be completely honest. I even and on here sometimes secretly wishing it was me posting the and feeling somewhat resentful when others get pregnant. And I'm not saying I am upset to see ladies be blessed with BFPs and healthy babies, but I know that if anyone will understand, you ladies will.

Anyway, wanted to introduce myself and say a little rant because I feel comfortable in doing so.

[Kary♥RN]

Welcome... I am so sorry for your losses... We all understand. Alot of the ladies on this board have had multiple losses.. myself is one of them. Some times the BFP booms.... can cause such depression, jelousy, and anger... And it is ok to feel that way. These are our feelings.. and they are neither right or wrong! But no matter what we will be here for you to get you through this stage of your journey!

[little.lili]

I am having some real jealousy when I see women who are pregnant or with new borns. It's an ugly feeling and I hate it. But there is nothing I can do about it. I know it's part of my sadness and it will (hopefully) soon heal...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I remember having one very bad long period when I was younger, and I still wonder if that was a miscarriage too...

hugs!!!!

[.:Shortcake:.]

Welcome! I am so sorry for your losses. I completely understand how hard it is seeing everyone else get what you long for. And it is normal to feel that way. But I can honestly say every time one of the ladies on this board get a BFP I am seriously happy for them! I hope your stay is short and sweet and you get your sticky BFP soon

[ldovey83]

Hi and welcome to the board.. I am sorry to hear about your losses.. I am another one with multiple losses early on... I too go through stages where I can be happy and extremely jealous...I have a hard time being happy sometimes, and I find myself so jealous and wishing it was me.. I even get jealous at the other women who are graduating and I had to return here for the 4th time.. It is not right, but it is how I feel and how I cope with the grieving.. HUGS hun.. You can vent here anytime cause you are right and we know how you feel..

[SkyBaby]

Welcome!

I completely understand how you feel. It seems like all the girls around my age at my job (Kmart cashier) are pregnant. Plus the girlfriend (now wife after the fact) of one of my cousins is pregnant (conceived outta wedlock which is a big no-no in my family, we're old fashioned. lol) I have never said anything to her but congrats. It goes so far as the mother of my cousin is very jealous of my hubby and I and his parents cuz we waited. Talk about awkward get togethers. I almost can't even stand to check my facebook anymore cuz of her constant postings. I completely understand and as you can see from my anecdotal evidence, I struggle with very similar feelings. Heck, I'm gonna go so far as to say we all do. *hugs*

[~InHisHands~]

I'm sorry for your loss & trust me I understand. BTW, I'm Amanda, wife to Mike & mom to Austin & my one angel baby! It's very nice to *meet* you!

[eChristine]

I'm sorry to hear about your losses, and I completely understand where you're coming from. My best friend's little sister is staying with her and 6 months pregnant. The girl is 16 or 17, and just realized she's pregnant last month. So she had no pre-natal care or anything. (she said she had a feeling but was too scared to take a test for that long). So I've been avoiding my friend because it's just too hard to see right now, considering I'm still in the process, and getting a d&c on thursday.

[shen7]

Yeah, unfortunately I know EXACTLY how you feel... I feel like there's some kind of Murphy's Law of child-bearing, like those who are least prepared to deal with it, get pregnant right away, and meanwhile people like me who have made sacrifices and organized my life on many levels so that I can give a baby the best possible upbringing... nothing.

Although of course there's my sister-in-law, who waited and waited until her husband was making tons of money, then got pregnant twice exactly on schedule with a 2.5-year gap, and has a maid who comes and cleans her fancy house. Some people are just begging to be hated on!

[Banned-a brand new laura]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It really makes me feel good to know that my feelings are normal. Even if the feelings are considered a little taboo. The worst part about it is that I can't talk to my family about it. My sister doesn't even recognize the chemical as a real pregnancy, and not a loss. One of the nurses at the hospital wouldn't recognize it as a pregnancy either, but a "fluke."

Originally Posted by shen7

Although of course there's my sister-in-law, who waited and waited until her husband was making tons of money, then got pregnant twice exactly on schedule with a 2.5-year gap, and has a maid who comes and cleans her fancy house. Some people are just begging to be hated on!

TELL ME ABOUT IT! My beautiful, fit cousin married her sweetheart is a gorgeous Platinum wedding. It literally was a Platinum wedding like on the TLC show. Her sweetheart happened to be a senator's son who now has a job in DC. They live in a quaint 2,500 sq ft home in Virginia so her husband, also gorgeous and fit, doesn't have to drive their brand new car too far for the commute. She became pregnant her first cycle trying with no problems whatsoever and had a perfect pregnancy and a delivery without need for medical or medicinal intervening. She had a girl who is now a blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. Two years later they decided to try again and she got pregnant the very first cycle, same fantastic pregnancy, same fantastic type of delivery, and had a boy--another blonde haired, blue eyed heartbreaker. When she isn't playing Stay at home mommy, she's training for triathlons, vacationing in Europe, or doing charity work at various functions. Oh, I'm not exaggerating either. But the worst part, she isn't humble or modest about it.


As for me, I've been having a hard time getting to know my body after the losses. I'm irregular as ever and my cycles go from 40 days, to 22 days, to 30 days, to 24 days... It's like, c'mon! Obviously the ticker at the bottom of my sig isn't right. I'm going to have to start charting and using OPKs. I wanna buy some Pre-seed too. Anyway... thanks ladies.

For everything

[shen7]

Your cousin sounds even worse!!!! OMG... I didn't know whether to laugh or throw up reading about her. Ha!!!!!

My cycles have become irregular too. I'm using cheap PS for OPK but I'm having trouble reading whether that second line is really darker or not - there's usually a much darker thin stripe on one end, and I don't know whether that counts or not. I am thinking of temping next cycle. And I've been using PreSeed for awhile (as needed) - it's awesome, especially the internal applicator!!!

Good luck to us all!!!