[shen7]

Hey ladies,
I have been reflecting and noticing a lot of stories from women in the past who had losses and struggles. Some who went on to have a child or children, some not. I find it comforting to know that our struggles have been borne by many women in the past - there is some solidarity there.

DH's paternal grandmother passed away 10 years ago, and I never met her. She lived on a farm in the midwest, came of age during the Depression, and had 5 siblings. Her sisters all had multiple children. She married her high school sweetheart and had one child, DH's dad. I looked at the family tree the other day, and from the dates, realized that she was 37 when she had her one child. He is the youngest cousin in the extended family. She had a few stillbirths that were common family knowledge, but who knows how many earlier miscarriages. She trained the whole family, even grandkids, to never say a woman is "pregnant" so DH still says "P" instead of "preg" sometimes. She would turn off the TV if someone said it on TV. It was considered impolite language in those days, but still, I can imagine her painful losses had much to do with her reactions. So in the end, after perhaps *15 years* (at least) of trying, she had a healthy boy, who got a PhD and became a very successful businessman and wonderful father of 3. Talk about a miracle baby.

I also think of the matriarchs in the Old Testament. Rachel was Jacob's favorite wife, but her sister Leah and other wives and maidservants had all those children while she had none. Finally she had Joseph, who saved his people from famine. And of course, Sara had Isaac in her old age. These are very old stories, that have held power with people for thousands of years.

What do you think? Do you find solidarity in these stories? What stories have you come across?

[MeganMomof5]

My grandma grew up on a farm during the depression in MN, they were very poor...her father was an alcoholic, and they had a lot of kids...I think her mother had 12 kids, and I think at least 3 of them passed away...I remember her telling me of her baby sister that she helped deliver and how perfect she was, except she had water on her brain, so above her forhead her head didn't look normal...My grandma used to talk about that baby all the time to me...I don't think she lived long, and I know it isn't considered a miscarriage or stillbirth...I'm not sure when the other babies died either...My mom's mom had a twin birth and only one baby survived....I didn't know this till I lost Ella, but my aunt (who passed away when I was around 7 years old) was never able to have children, she was born with diabetes (she was sick her whole life and eventually became blind and passed away at a fairly young age), but she had quiet a few pregnancy losses and my other aunt (her sister) told me that a couple of them were pretty far a long, some time in the 2nd trimester...She ended up adopting my 2 cousins....I think back in the day 80+ years ago pregnancy loss was something that just happend, they didn't have the medical care that we have now, so I think it was more accepted...I'm sure it was just as painful for the mother who lost a baby...I have also read in a lot of my pregnancy loss books that they would wisk the baby away and the mothers never got to hold their babies...Their thought was that it was more painful for the mother, and she would become too attached to the baby if she saw it, when in fact that's far from the truth...I think it's so sad that pregnancy loss was so different then, and i'm glad that we have the medical care we have now, even though medical care can't always save your baby...Plus we can be open about our losses, and get support from others.

[msshamis23]

I know my grandma had quite a few m/c's and a stillbirth. She had one living son (my uncle, though I'm not sure if he was before or after all of these happened. I tend to lean towards before though.) I know that it was quite hard on her. And we still to this day, on Memorial Day, and on his birthday--visit her son Reed who was stillborn. I think my recent loss put me closer to her. I always knew the pain of her losing him still felt fresh in her heart. The reason why I believe my uncle was born before all of her m/c's was because she finally turned towards adoption. She adopted my dad, and my aunt when she couldn't bear to be put through the pain of another loss.

My dad was born premature, by a couple who was visiting the states from Norway. They couldn't afford the care of a premie, and put him up for adoption. My grandparents lawyer called them at 2AM asking them if they wanted this little boy, who had a 45% chance of surviving the night. They of course jumped at the chance, and my dad is healthy as a horse now. Which brings me to the point of the adoption story--it gives me hope because as much as I may want a child of mine and DH's blood, if that is not possible I know that there is adoption and the chance to be another child's savior. My grandma's loss story at least taught me that. Through her heartbreak, she found the light and the love of a child.

[Halfbaked]

My Grandmother had a baby die shortly after birth. My mom was a year old. she then went on to have 9 more kids. I don't know how many miscarriages she had but it was quite a few. My other Grandmother had a baby die of crib death, or today it's called SIDS. She married my Grandpa who already had 5 kids. His first wife died in Child birth. She had 4 more babies after that.

I still marvel at the fact that I have ANY kids. My whole life I was told I couldn't have children, then it was that I shouldn't have any, then it became if I was going to have any, to do it while I was young. I've had diabetes for 32yrs and have 6 kids. If I had been born just 10 years earlier, I doubt I would have been able to have any of my kids, or if I did, they wouldn't have survived. I still have hope for a couple more. I really want a take home baby.

[~InHisHands~]

I LOVE the Biblical stories of Sarah AND Hannah. I listen to/read them often.

[TTCin2010]

My mothers first pregnancy ended in a MC at 16 weeks. She went on to have four more children with me being the youngest. My Aunt (on my Dad's side) was a twin. My Grandmother never knew she was having twins. They were born at 26 weeks, some how my aunt survived (almost 60 yrs ago)at only 1.2oz her twin died shortly after birth. My Grandmother got pregnant shortly after and gave birth to my dad.

[Brittanie]

My family loss stories are SO very close to me. My mother's first was stillborn at 21 weeks, and she had 3 other earlier miscarriages (not sure how far along on any of them). My mother's mother's first was stillborn, died during labor. I don't know if she had any other losses. My father's parents lost a little girl at nearly 3. She had a liver disorder (which now they do transplants for but Renee was born before they did transplants [my middle name is Renee because of her]). My dad's surviving sister had 6 concurrent miscarriages before having her oldest son...I don't know if she had any others. My mother's 3 sisters all had miscarriages. My mother's youngest sister also has IC, and lost 3 micro preemies. And my mother's brother had a daughter die just after birth due to serious birth defects. I also have a cousin who had a son die of SIDS at 6 months. My husband's sister had a miscarriage last summer, AND my brother and SIL have been trying without any luck for 7 years. It's all over my family.

So I've always known how common miscarriages are, and have expected to have at least one. I never ever ever thought that babies were stillborn anymore, though.

[shen7]

Originally Posted by Halfbaked

I still marvel at the fact that I have ANY kids. My whole life I was told I couldn't have children, then it was that I shouldn't have any, then it became if I was going to have any, to do it while I was young. I've had diabetes for 32yrs and have 6 kids. If I had been born just 10 years earlier, I doubt I would have been able to have any of my kids, or if I did, they wouldn't have survived. I still have hope for a couple more. I really want a take home baby.

It was really intense for me when I realized that I would most certainly be dead from my internal bleed ectopic if it had happened just 50 years ago... and even as little as 10 years ago, it would have involved major abdominal surgery rather than the fancy minimally invasive laparoscopic procedure I had. I would still be recovering from surgery, rather than TTC again!!! We are truly very lucky to live in an age of so much information and technology. I know there's still much more advancement to be made in the area of fertility medicine, but it is also amazing what can be done now as opposed to our grandmothers' time.