[Banned-a brand new laura]

I've always had weird sleeping issues. Sometimes I can't sleep at all, laying awake until 7 or 8 in the morning, only to have to wake up at 10 or 11am a few hours later. Sometimes I sleep too much, such as going to bed at about 8pm and not rising until 10am. The weird sleep patterns cause me to have sleep paralysis sometimes--and that's so crazy when it happens!--but what seems to affect me more are the nightmares. I have nightmares that seem so real and sometimes wake up screaming and crying. Last night was one of those nights.

In my dream...

I had the ability to see demons. They were everywhere. Sometimes I would catch small glances, sometimes I would see a full bodies. It was terrifying. Well, in my dream I was about 6 months pregnant and dealing with the feelings of the loss, and feeling so scared about the demons. Some of the dream escapes me now, but I was in different places and then saw a demon, and the sort of cycle. Well, one popped out right in front of me and scared me so bad I went into pre-term labor. I didn't dream about the actual labor.

I had a baby boy, and he was so tiny. But he was absolutely perfect. His skin was really fragile, and I remembered wanting to be very gentle. He started crying really hard and I was afraid he'd hurt himself. So I tried different things, like changing him and cuddling him. Then I realized he was hungry. I was afraid that because of him being early, I wouldn't be able to provide breastmilk for him and I got really upset. So I tried having him latch anyway, and it worked. I was so happy. I couldn't believe this sweet, perfect little boy was my little man. I remember just looking at him, feeling amazed that he was my baby. When he finished, I wanted to get the gas out, so I gently patted him, remembering his skin was so fragile.

Right away he started violently throwing up. I was panicked as it got worse and worse, and then he started throwing up his insides.

That's when I woke up screaming bloody terror. DH was shocked, too, wondering what the hell had happened. Even though it happened like 7 hours ago, it's still haunting me. When I tried to talk to DH about it, he said, "Honey it's ok. It was just a dream..." and I can say back is, "but he was so perfect, baby..." I know what it wasn't real, but it was... such a vivid dream.

And I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. Just wanted to talk about it I guess. I don't know. Maybe I'm weird.

[Brittanie]

I hate those dreams you just can't shake. I've had dreams like that, too, very vivid and graphic and traumatizing.

[tobi4]

Me too. When I was pregnant the last time, I had a nightmare that I had to go for an ultrasound. The Dr said that there was too much fluid around the brain and that the baby was deaf. (fast forward for dream technology) He then terminated the pregnancy. I was screaming in my dream, and woke up with tears streaming down my face. Weird though, cause from the moment I found out I was preggo last Jan, I said so many times to my dbf that I thought something was wrong.

[shen7]

I am obsessed with dreams and what they mean. I know about dreams like this and it's hard to see them as just your unconscious fears getting worked out, rather than some kind of premonition, when they feel so real. But I think it was definitely a psychological processing type dream. It is important for these fears to get out somehow, whether through dreams or daydreams or therapy. Otherwise they will fester inside you and fill you with free-floating dread and anxiety. To have your fears named, visualized, out in the open, analyzed, etc will let you keep them in their place. They don't go away, but you learn to acknowledge each fear and then carry on without being paralyzed by it. I'm definitely in the midst of this process myself.....

I love this quote:
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

[ldovey83]

I have had bad dreams ever since I lost my last baby, and I have had trouble sleeping and always feel tired from it.. It is good to share dreams sometime and get them off your chest... MY DH is convinced that you can control your dreams.. I havn't ever been able to do that, but he swears he can.. I think everyone is different. Hang in there hun.. HUGS

[Banned-a brand new laura]

Thanks ladies I just can't shake it. In real life, I had a very early miscarriage. Thinking about it, I remember asking DH last night, "Baby... do you think we'll ever have a baby?" He laughed and cuddled me and said, "Of course, honey."

"Baby... do you ever think we'll have a live baby?" But for some reason, asking that made him silent for a bit. "Of course, honey..." And he held me tight. Then after falling asleep, I had the nightmare. So it could have been my fears manifesting themselves.

It's just... the vividness has really gotten to me. I am just in shock over how perfect was that little baby. And I just couldn't get over the fact that he was MY baby... our baby, of course... but... I don't know. I guess it's just time for us to pray for a rainbow baby

Just a little weird that a dream could get me so riled up.

[Pitridge]

I'm sorry about your dream....I had nightmares when I was pg with ds, and I know how scary they are. HUGS

[Banned-a brand new laura]

I don't know yet for sure if I'm pregnant, but I'm sure having vivid, crazy dreams!

[AmyLM]

I hate dreams like that. When I was pg with dd, I had some really strange ones. And, then with my angel, I had dreams that people were trying to break into my house and steal my baby or hurt me or DH and I'd end up in a shoot out. Crazy stuff. I think it has something to do with our real fears combined with wacky hormones.

[Banned-a brand new laura]

I'm just having weird dreams, though. No pregnancy over here. Just started AF today. Everyone keeps telling me that though, about the weird dreams when pregnant thing.

[kitkat8323]

ive had 2 weird/scary dreams the first scared me so much i didnt want to ttc anymore

In my dream i was in the hospital giving birth to a baby boy and he was stillborn and no one was there for me everyone left the room except the dr i was so scared after words i told dh that i didn't want to ttc anymore and i didnt for a month because of it

the second was last month i had a very premature baby he was 15 weeks early but healthy as a horse i had him at home and then called an ambulance to take us to the hospital and no one would take us because they said we were both healthy

[Celena]

Laura,

I'm sorry the dream was terrifying. It's amazing what our subconscious brings out when we're sleeping!

I wouldn't take it as something that is going to happen quiet like you had experienced in your dream... but perhaps your fears of future pregnancy(ies) surfaced while your mind was telling you to "take it easy" eliminating stressors/anxiety from your life so that you & your bean make it thru healthy & happy in the future as well.

Vivid dreams can really shake us up, especially when it's pertaining to something so sensitive.