GRRR...please excuse my crazy ranting

sheephater321 · #1 September 10th, 2010, 06:42 AM

okay..so I'm going crazy and I just feel like ranting today. Sorry if I seem crazy and irrational. I just feel like venting b/c I'm scared and confused. I am currently about 12 DPO I believe. For the past several days I have been feeling very pregnant. I was feeling kind of quesy and my breasts were quite sore. I never have that with PMS so I knew something was up. Well, I had a really wierd night last night. Things just felt wrong and today I just really don't feel pregnant anymore. My boobs feel back to normal and I'm not quesy or anything. I went to the bathroom this morning and when I wiped there was a very faint tinge of brown on the tissue that looked just like it does right before I start my period. Today is day 27 of my cycle which is typically a 30 day cycle. So, can it be normal to lose pregnancy symptoms like this? I know Im being a basketcase, but I felt so pregnant and losing symptoms just feels WAY to reminiscent of my two previous miscarriages. Grr.. am I just having a really wierd cycle, or a chemical pregnacy, or could this still be normal for a possible pregnancy?? I don't know what to think and I just want to be pregnant SO badly. I 'm so sick of TTC and sick of being hurt. I guess I just need to calm down and see if I start bleeding anymore in the next couple days. If not, then I will test I guess..
Anyways, sorry for my crazyness ..I just wanted to have a little freak out session I guess...thank you all so much..this forum and all of you ladies are amazing

tobi4 · #2 September 10th, 2010, 07:34 AM

I have to tell you, so many months since my m/c have been exactly like you are feeling. I would have bet that I was pregnant. I dont know how or why the symptoms appear, maybe its all in my head, but it doesnt stop the thoughts. I hope its your bfp though! Good luck.

AmyLM · #3 September 10th, 2010, 07:54 AM

You're not crazy. Well, you might be but if you are then so am I! I manage to convince myself every single month that I'm pg. I feel nauseous, tired, etc, just to be let down with af. I'm sorry and I hope you get your bfp!

missy123 · #4 September 10th, 2010, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobi4 plus1more

I have to tell you, so many months since my m/c have been exactly like you are feeling. I would have bet that I was pregnant. I dont know how or why the symptoms appear, maybe its all in my head, but it doesnt stop the thoughts. I hope its your bfp though! Good luck.

Ditto!

We want to be pregnant so bad that sometimes our minds play tricks on our bodies.

However with the brown spotting it could be implantation bleeding. If you are 12dpo I would test. Good luck!

ohnicole · #5 September 10th, 2010, 11:06 AM

Oh you are definitely crazy

You're TTCAL crazy, and we are all crazy with you.

It is so hard not to let yourself worry and obsess during the TWW. You are still in it until the witch flies!

Kary♥RN · #6 September 10th, 2010, 04:50 PM

After a m/c your cycles can be screwed up for up to a year. And I have to say what you are descibing... I had so many months after my losses, I would swear I was pregnant.. and BFN and AF! .. It sucks, but know what you are feeling is normal. HUGS

.:Shortcake:. · #7 September 10th, 2010, 06:07 PM

I agree with the other ladies

I just wanted to give you a HUG and tell you we are right here with you!

sheephater321 · #8 September 11th, 2010, 08:29 AM

I just wanted to respond back to everyone and give an update. First off, thank you all SO much for the support. There are so many amazing, strong women on here. I wish I could be stronger, but I'm doing my best.
Anyways, last night I started feeling really awful with terrible cramping, bloating, nausea, and lower back pain. I was not bleeding, so I went to bed and decided to test in the morning if I hadn't started bleeding. Well, I got up this morning with no blood so I got a test ready to go and then all the sudden had a huge gush of blood.(sorry if TMI) I'm cramping really badly..almost worse than I cramped with my miscarriages so I don't know why that would be. It kinda scares me, but I'm going to see if things calm down here soon. I know it probably sounds insane, but I really do think I was pregnant and lost it really early. My husband and I have been TTC since Jan. 09, but due to miscarriages taking up a lot of our cycles, we've only actually "tried" during 3 cycles if that makes sense. The first two 'attempts' resulted in immediate pregnancies that ended at 6 wks each. We waited 3 months after the second m/c and then tried and now here I am. The only times I've felt pregant were the actual 3 months that we 'tried'. It seems like we have no trouble getting pregnant, we just can't get it to STICK. Why would god allow us to keep getting pregnant if we can't hold on to the pregnancy?! This makes no sense to me. It's bittersweet getting pregnant when I cant freaking keep it! Ugh...anyways, Im trying to stay rational here and not be angry at god. I plan to try attempt 4 here soon as long as everything goes okay. thank you all again so much. I am praying for my husband and I, but I am also praying for all of you women on here. We all could use some good news. sorry for being a downer and rambling. I'm probably relying on this forum more that I should be as a source for venting...sorry

missy123 · #9 September 11th, 2010, 08:35 AM

You may or may not have been pregnant honey. Did you take a test? The first 4 cycles after my m/c last year were horrible! I usually have light cycles and I cramped so hard I almost went to the ER once. My flow was heavy with clots and it was rough until my body evened out. (((Hugs)))

sheephater321 · #10 September 11th, 2010, 08:53 AM

oops..I meant to say that we've been trying since jan 2010 not 09. Missy, thank you for the reply. I know this probably seems stupid, but I couldn't bring myself to test after I started bleeding. I just wasn't in the mood for seeing a possible positive on the test after I already knew all was lost even if I was pregnant. I know that I can't rely completely on my feelings. I think I just feel so strongly about my gut feelings because they have been so freakishly spot on in the past. However, I do realize how stubborn and crazy I sound. I'm trying to not get overly upset about this no matter how it may 'feel' . I think I'm just feeling a compilation of everything that has happened since we started trying. I know that I'm blessed in so many ways and I know that many women are suffering worse than I am, but for me, this is the worst hell I have known in my life. But I'm trying to stay calm and positive and realize that things aren't always how they seem.. thank you all