[little.lili]

So I got my period, and all I've been thinking about now is the fact that I finally can start TTC...

Well... Dh and I had already agreed to wait a little... But **** that baby fever...

So I decided to bring it up that I would like to try now, and he just said no... That he wants to wait like we decided. That he doesn't want to rush, and thinks that last time we did.


Whatever, we both agreed to NTNP, it's not my fault it happened right away. I wasn't expecting that at all...


So anyhow... I feel bummed... I want to try... I don't want to be empty anymore, I want my baby...

[msshamis23]

*hugs* I'm sorry hon. I know how the baby fever is. For me it feels like i'm anxious, and ancy waiting for something ALL the time, and then when AF shows it just explodes inside of me and I tend to cry.

Maybe just talk to him, and ask him why he would still like to wait? Maybe weigh the pros and cons about waiting, and try to rationalize things. (I use the word rationalize lightly. Baby fever tends to make things a little bit crazy) Just hang in there hon, while he might not change his mind now, maybe you can bring it up around ovulation time? Or in the coming months of waiting.

[little.lili]

Originally Posted by msshamis23

*hugs* I'm sorry hon. I know how the baby fever is. For me it feels like i'm anxious, and ancy waiting for something ALL the time, and then when AF shows it just explodes inside of me and I tend to cry.

Maybe just talk to him, and ask him why he would still like to wait? Maybe weigh the pros and cons about waiting, and try to rationalize things. (I use the word rationalize lightly. Baby fever tends to make things a little bit crazy) Just hang in there hon, while he might not change his mind now, maybe you can bring it up around ovulation time? Or in the coming months of waiting.

See I kept asking him to give me some reasons... all he could come up with was that he wants us to enjoy our cruise (coming up in 2 weeks) and a vacation we have planned for November.

I also just got a job offer so he was just telling me to focus on that...

I mean, he gave me SOME reasons... but... ugh... I can't help feeling like this...

And then he brought up the whole "You're in such a hurry" thing which he would ALWAYS bring up before when I had baby fever and babies were just a no-no cause I was in school...

argggggg... it just never seems like the right time for him... he ALWAYS pushed back the time line b/c of things coming up... and it's really bothering me....

[little.lili]

IDK maybe I'm being overly sensitive...

Really... I just wish I could have my baby back and still be pregnant... but that is not going to happen...

sigh

[missy123]

I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts so much when we lose a baby. ((Hugs))

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs! Maybe sit down and explain to him why you want to try now. I'm sorry for you loss.

[missy123]

Did your DH speak to anyone about your loss? He may be hurting and scared himself that it will happen again and just not sure how to express it. ((Hugs))

[little.lili]

Originally Posted by missy123

Did your DH speak to anyone about your loss? He may be hurting and scared himself that it will happen again and just not sure how to express it. ((Hugs))

I almost wish this were the case... but I don't think so...

It's like he already moved on... it's like he moved on the day it happened... ok... I know he did hurt some, he didn't like telling people we had lost the baby (he had told coworkers)...

But he's never mentioned it since, and every time I mention it he just looks at me like he has no idea how I could possibly still be thinking about it...


I almost feel like it's my fault that he doesn't want to try... When the m/c happened I just said I did not want to try at all and I was terrified of getting pregnant... So I pushed TTC away... But baby fever has gotten worse by the day, and now he's set on the time line we discussed when I was still hurting.

It's not that bad, only a couple more months... but still...

I just want to start trying...

We got pregnant last time really really fast, so I guess he just assumes it will happen like that again and isn't ready... We've been enjoying my "freedom" to drink and do things without worrying about the baby... I'm not sure he's ready to give it back up so fast...


I wish he would talk to me more...

[missy123]

May I be rude and ask how old you both are?

Looking from the outside it really sounds to me that he is sad and afraid. It is harder for a lot of men to express their feelings. They are bred to not show emotions, be a man... To be the caregiver of the family and take care of his wife. He may feel helpless on how to comfort you in your time of grieving as he can't connect with the feeling of the baby that was growing inside of you.

I would suggest reading up on the internet about how men grieve and feel after a loss. That may help you understand. I know you want a baby and understand why you want to TTC so much. He may just want more time to be with you, to take care of you in his own way and ready himself for the growing family you will have someday.

I am sending you big huge hugs.

[sheephater321]

I'm so sorry for your loss and I definetely understand wanting to try again right away. Waiting is pure torture. I understand your frustration I think your husband is just grieving in his own way and trying to look out for you because he loves you. You guys just need to keep open communication at all times and keep working together. As hard as it can be sometimes, you've got to be on the same page as much as possible. Just keep talking to each other and working together. Marriage is hard enough without all the added stress, but i think communication and compromise are the most important. I wish you the best of luck. ((hugs))

[okiliz]

Hey hon, I am so sorry for your loss !!
I had some bad complications after my loss and my husband wanted to wait at least 1 month, then it turned into 2 months ... No he says he is ready and we are trying on our own this month , then a month break and then we will go back to the fertility doc if this month does nto work in november . Still.. I am so excited.. I feel slightly guilty for moving on.. but still.. I have so much hope and I can't ait to test in 14 days.. but.. he.. does not seem to care as much as I do.. I kno that he is scared... scared that it will not work this month, that it might not work our first iui... he hates to see me sad and hurting but he is a guy and has a hard time saying that .. he is also normally a glass half full kinda guy but he is super scared that I could lose another baby and we would have to go through all of the complications all over again .. I know he wants another baby or babies... Talking about it is important.. Maybe try telling him that you know what the risks are, for you emotionally and physically as well as how hard it could be for you two as a couple.. maybe him knowing how strong you are and that while yes you ant a baby and you want one now, you understand it could take awhile.. My husband thought I was just baby obsessed.. btu once I told him why I anted one so badly and explained myself better, he said ok.. and simply agreed.. The only thing is that he does nto ant to tell anyone this time till we are past 13 weeks ( we lost our twins at 9.5 weeks and 10.3 weeks but found out around 12 weeks ) .. I am fien with that.. Somehow it made it much harder for him to have to tell friends, co-workers and family about the miscarriage . Anyway.. I hope this helped... if you ever need to talk just pm me :-) good luck and baby dust

[Kary♥RN]

HUGS.. Sorry you are going through this.. it also dosen't help that you just got AF. When AF would show for me... it was like being hit in the gut.. HUGS

[little.lili]

I'm 22, he is 26. So yeah, we are young... Our communication and relationship is great. Married for 2 years, been together for 6, we make a good team We've just never dealt with anything like this... Well I mean... we've dealt with difficulties (he's military and has been deployed twice, moved twice, etc., we are each other's everything)... But this situation is new and different I guess...

IDK girls...

I know that he must feel SOME thing... but I don't think it's missing the baby, it's just wanting me to be ok and happy again... I don't think he understands that going out, and enjoying ourselves, and "trying to forget" is not anywhere near what I need/want.

Maybe we do need to talk more about it... I try to get him to talk to me but all he can say is "Yes, it was a bad thing, and it was sad, but now it's over... being sad about it isn't going to make it better."

He's said this over and over and over and it just irks me.

Yesterday he even had the gull to say (referring to the loss) "It hasn't even crossed my mind." Which made me want to scream LIAR. How can he not? Just the other day I was at his work with him for a few minutes and someone behind us was asking if their wife was having a boy or girl... I mean... COME ON he HAS to think about it? With so many reminders?

I wish he would drop this man act and tell me what he feels. He hasn't shown any "sadness" at all. Just frustration with me and my sadness...



As for the baby making... I can wait... I KNOW how to wait for the things I want... but it's just hard when we have sex every other day and the back of my mind is jumping up and down with BFPs...

[missy123]

Again I am so sorry... We are here for you to vent to. Maybe you can use this board as your resource for your true feelings and he won't feel all the pressure of you being so sad.