I got the call about the bad u/s shortly after I posted here. The Nurse Practitioner who was in the office taking appts called as soon as she got the report. She was the one who gave me the news on my 2nd m/c too. She asked if the tech had told me anything, and I said that she really didn't, since she isn't allowed, but I knew what I was looking at and knew it was bad news. She agreed, told me what an intelligent woman I am, and that my feeling was right, there was no heartbeat. She asked what I wanted to do from here. I've never had a d&c before, I've always m/c naturally, so I asked to be given 2 weeks to see if it happens on my own, and I told her I would call if I got a fever or anything worrisome happened. She said she thought my plan was a good one, but she had to make sure with the dr first thing in the morning that it was okay. I gave her permission to leave a message on my cell phone since I would be in a classroom full of students and wouldn't be able to talk with them around. She called bright and early yesterday morning to tell me that the dr was fine with my plan. She trusts me to do this on my own and to call if there's any fever, excessive bleeding, or any other issues. When I sat back and thought about it, I'm glad that she trusts me, but it saddens me that I know so much about this that I can be trusted to do it on my own.
They want to see me in 2 weeks whether it happens naturally or not to make sure I'm okay. She told me to take care of myself and to call if I need them for anything at all, that they'll always be here for me. I could feel the sorrow in her voice both times she called me. She's been a NP/CNM for almost as long as I've been alive and can seem abrasive to people who don't know her. The fact that she's so touched by my loss means a whole lot, because she's seen so much in her career. So now I wait. Part of me wonders if I should go in and just do the d&c so I don't have to wait, but a big part of me is scared to death of that option, and thinks I should just go with what I know until there's a reason for anything different. What do you think?
As for the random thoughts, I find myself super annoyed with my friend who is due 2 days before I was. I didn't tell many people that I was pregnant because I was afraid of history repeating itself. I've lost a baby before each of my living children, and even though I was trying so hard to be positive about this bean, I knew I was due for another m/c based on my history. Anyway, when I went into work yesterday I let the few trusted friends who knew know that my precious bean didn't have a heartbeat. All of them were heartbroken for me, a few even moved to tears, except for her. All I got from her was a wide eyed fake as anything "Oh no!" and that was it. I was trying to be supportive of her so I told her that her bean needed to make it now because one of us had to have an April baby. In response she grabbed her belly, stuck it out, and said "Oh Lori I don't think that'll be a problem here, do you see this thing?" All I could do was blink. Are you kidding me? Then I found myself with the feeling that perhaps someone needs their bubble burst. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing anything bad on her or her baby, but she is one of those people with the perfect life.... and you know.... things don't always go perfectly. There was no compassion whatsoever. I can't even look at her walking down the hallway.
Then there was my basic skills teacher yesterday. She was new last year, and this is my first experience working with her. She kept asking me things like, "So when are you having more kids? You're about due for more, right, your other 2 are so close together you have to be thinking about popping another out!" She went on and on and on all day, and it continued into today. She doesn't know I was pregnant, and I really don't want to share this with her, but STFU!!! The babysitter's husband wasn't much better when I went to pick up DD yesterday. DS just started pre-k the other day, so they don't get him anymore. I had told him at the end of last school year that we were going to be trying over the summer, so we would have a replacement up and coming for DS's spot. So yesterday he started asking when we were going to have a replacement for DS and that we were killing his bottom line. At first I told him that we were working on it. Then he continued so I told him that we were thiiissss close. Then he continued and I just told him what happened- that I had gone in the night before and the replacement didn't have a heartbeat. The babysitter was MORTIFIED! I know she chewed him out when I left. He was so apologetic, but the damage was done. *sigh*
I'm really hoping that I m/c quickly and without complication so we can get back on the road to trying again. I'm sorry this is all so random, it's just this is what my brain has been like since I found out. If you made it this far, thank you!
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My plan and other random thoughts of a broken soul (pretty long)
Good luck, Lori... 
I only had my D&C because our baby had stopped growing a whopping 4 weeks before we found out, and I had no symptoms whatsoever that my body was going to get the picture. I think it's totally reasonable in your case to give your body a chance to catch up and handle it naturally. Do what you're comfortable with!
Thanks Katie for the siggy!
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