It's been over a year since our loss....

SkyBaby · #1 September 12th, 2010, 10:18 PM

And I'm still not 100%. I feel as though DH has forgotten about it completely. I still get this almost physically unpleasant sting of sadness/jealousy when looking at the facebook posts of pregnant friends/relatives, although that sting has lessened, but has yet to go away. I was looking at some 4D shots of everybody's babies and showed it to DH and he's just happy for them and doesn't even think about our baby. He just said "I have no problem looking at it. If it upsets you, then don't go there." I'm still hopeful about this cycle, but still sad at the same time.

.:Shortcake:. · #2 September 13th, 2010, 05:25 AM

Hugs! I has been almost 2 years since I lost my son and since then I've have 4 other losses (the most recent with twins). I still feel the same way. However when I get on here with you ladies I am truly happy when I see a BFP. I have good days and bad days and I guess thats "normal" after a loss. I don't think we will ever be carefree again. Hugs!!!!

SkyBaby · #3 September 13th, 2010, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

Hugs! I has been almost 2 years since I lost my son and since then I've have 4 other losses (the most recent with twins). I still feel the same way. However when I get on here with you ladies I am truly happy when I see a BFP. I have good days and bad days and I guess thats "normal" after a loss. I don't think we will ever be carefree again. Hugs!!!!

I'm very happy when I see a bfp on here too! We understand each other on here. It's the bfps on facebook of people who take their children for granted that get to me. They're excited, but they still whine about how they feel and how much of life they're missing out on. That gets to me. I'm not gonna check facebook for a while.

ohnicole · #4 September 13th, 2010, 09:34 AM

I'm sorry you're still hurting

I don't think we will ever really be ever to truly forget or move on from our losses. I know that it is still a huge part of my daily life, and I definitely still feel that jealousy and bitterness about the pregnancies of others. I hope you get your sticky BFP soon!

missy123 · #5 September 13th, 2010, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .:Shortcake:.

I still feel the same way. However when I get on here with you ladies I am truly happy when I see a BFP. I have good days and bad days and I guess thats "normal" after a loss. I don't think we will ever be carefree again. Hugs!!!!

Ditto!

I am so sorry you are going through all this but completely understand. Hang in there the best you can.

SkyBaby · #6 September 13th, 2010, 02:37 PM

We just want it to be our turn. We're ready for this. I want a baby so bad it hurts.

missy123 · #7 September 13th, 2010, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkyBaby

We just want it to be our turn. We're ready for this. I want a baby so bad it hurts.

I think most of us can relate to how you feel. It happened to me when I least expected it! ((Big Hugs))

kitkat8323 · #8 September 13th, 2010, 05:06 PM

Im the same way as you its been over a year since my loss also and i still have days where i cry about her. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me its good to know im not the only one. I still cant go to my friends face book shes almost 20 weeks and i cant handle the fact that shes pregnant and is having her baby before me i was suppose to have mine first

Celena · #9 September 14th, 2010, 06:35 PM

Kira I'm sorry

we are forever tainted... we've lost our innocense when we had our first losses. Unlike those who've never had one, there's a multitude of emotions there reguardless of how much we've healed or how much time has passed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkyBaby

We just want it to be our turn. We're ready for this. I want a baby so bad it hurts.

Oh gosh sweetie

I'm sorry, so totally understand your feeling as well... I've struggled with this everytime the fricken witch shows. Don't think that totally goes away, I think it nags in the back of my head even when I am feeling optimistic.

not saying it's ever been easy, but seeing pregnant ladies, newborns, ultrasound photos and such hasn't really bothered me for a while.... altho' in the past week it is because my EDD is within a day now.

SkyBaby · #10 September 14th, 2010, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Celena

Kira I'm sorry

we are forever tainted... we've lost our innocense when we had our first losses. Unlike those who've never had one, there's a multitude of emotions there reguardless of how much we've healed or how much time has passed.

Oh gosh sweetie

I'm sorry, so totally understand your feeling as well... I've struggled with this everytime the fricken witch shows. Don't think that totally goes away, I think it nags in the back of my head even when I am feeling optimistic.

not saying it's ever been easy, but seeing pregnant ladies, newborns, ultrasound photos and such hasn't really bothered me for a while.... altho' in the past week it is because my EDD is within a day now.

Thank you so much, Celena. Aint that the truth. Now that my periods are back to normal, I'm kinda appreciating having some predictability in my cycles again. Even when we missed cycles, it's not as crushing as a blow, because next month there's always hope. Whereas, before, it always felt like it was never going to happen because my body wasn't working right. Now, there's hope. Now, I know it's close. My job is still working me at screwed up times, but my husband has promised no matter how late the keep me, he's going to stay up for me so we can get some baby making in. If nothing results from that, then I'll be worried.

I'm feeling a bit better now. I guess the night I posted this thread was just one of those random and few and far between outbursts of emotion. My EDD was right around Mother's Day of last year. That was the hardest day since the loss. No matter which way I looked, there was always a pregnant person, motherhood stuff, and other reminders that I didn't need. I almost broke down at work. Some customers, bless them, understood where I was coming from, having been through it themselves, and gave me huge warm hugs. I'm just glad that the EDD is past. That was so hard. *hugs* That's one thing I love about this forum. I come here for encouragement, and to be around other women experiencing the same thing, however horrible it is, at least we can say there will always be strength and lots of love in our numbers here.

JessP · #11 September 14th, 2010, 09:45 PM

That is so wonderful that your DH is being so sweet

. I am so sorry that you went through a rough day. Those are the worst. I hope you get your bfp soon. Glad there is light at the end of the tunnel for you since your cycles are back on track. I think we all feel the same though. Especially those posts from people who announce it the same day the pee on a stick without a care in the world and then complain about every little ache and pain like its the end of the world. I just want to slap them and say hey lady don't be stupid i know plenty that would take those pains to have that beautiful baby. Although I would never wish this on anyone. Its great to have everyone here for support.

Pitridge · #12 September 15th, 2010, 08:22 AM

I understand what you are saying, I am sorry that you are still hurt. Even after having ds after the lost, I still feel like I got cheated. I love my ds to pieces, but I can't stop the hurt of losing my precious baby. It will be your turn, I know you will get your baby real soon.

Brittanie · #13 September 15th, 2010, 10:21 AM

It's been 4 1/2 years for me, and I have had 2 healthy babies since, and I'm still not the same as I was before. I think it's impossible. You're forever changed. i get jealous of women who have easy carefree pregnancies, who never thing "hopefully" when they talk about bringing their baby home. Like Celena said, that part of us is gone forever.

I was due with Cora on Mother's Day. And even though now I have my rainbow babies to celebrate, it still hurts.