[.:Shortcake:.]

Okay ladies I know that after each of my losses I have grieved differently. So I thought that maybe it would be helpful for myself and others to know how each of us has handled things after our loss/losses.

What are ways that you have remembered your baby/babies?
What have you done to help you grieve?
Is there anything else you would like to share?

[shen7]

I don't do anything to remember my losses. They were both very early at 6 weeks and I had not bonded with the baby yet. For me it's more of a hypothetical that didn't happen, a major disappointment, rather than a death in the family. I strictly avoid imagining what the baby would have looked like, boy or girl, etc. I just don't let those feelings in at all. I also try not to think about how far along I would be, or how old the child would be by now.

The best thing I've done to help myself grieve is get on this board!!!!!!!! By far. I've also been helped by meditation and taking care of my body, focusing on my physical recovery. I store and process emotions through my body to a large extent, so things like yoga, tai chi, eating the right foods, etc helps me feel harmonious emotionally as well as physically. I've tried to find meaning in suffering through books and spiritual tracts - I'm a religious polyvore but one of my favorites is a book about Tibetan Buddhism called "Comfortable with Uncertainty" by Pema Chodron. I've had my lost days and my crying jags as well.

I just want to thank everybody on this board for all the sharing and responding, and for making this community where I can feel like I'm not alone. I love you guys.

[.:Shortcake:.]

What are ways that you have remembered your baby/babies?
I have a tattoo to remember my son and I plan on getting another one for all my angels. I also release balloons for my angels on EDD's & Angelversaries and write to them telling them I miss them.

What have you done to help you grieve?
Actually talking about it has done wonders for me. I know I will never forget my angels and I don't want anyone else to... So I speak of them often. This board has been a HUGE part of my grieving process. The ladies here have helped me through the worst times of my life and for that I am eternally grateful.

Is there anything else you would like to share?
Never be afraid to say how your are feeling here or IRL. The emotions we have are not wrong. We are grieving the loss of our baby/babies and unless someone has been there they will never truly understand the pain we are going through. I am here to talk for any one of you ladies. You can PM me anytime you need to talk, cry, rant or need advice. I love you all!

[Halfbaked]

Honestly, other than cringe for 3 days straight and the occasional sobbing, I haven't done anything. I don't know exactly how far along I was so I don't have a due date. My other losses I was so early I didn't even have time to register it before they were lost. I have only told my sister and no one else so doing anything special would seem strange of me. For me, just trying again is helping. I need to fill that hole, not replace a child but replace a missing part. These boards are great too although seeing so many others hurting usually brings me to tears again.

[Pitridge]

Honestly I haven't done anything. I think about it everyday and in my heart it will always hurt that I never got to hold my baby. This board has actually been very helpful in dealing with a lost. Dh doesn't even talk about it and I have no one else to really talk to you, so coming here was what got me through it.

[ashj_1218]

How do I remember my babies? I can't say that I really did anything for them yet. I have been planning a cherry blossom tattoo around my left wrist for years now. I plan to write my son's name in the limbs (so you can barely see it) and I am thinking I might add a couple hearts hidden in there for the losses (a total of three). It seems like it will help me keep them close to my heart.

What has helped me grieve? I had bought a book called "The Pregnancy Journal" for the first loss (July) and kept it until I found out that the baby was not viable. I find that it helps me to continue to write about my grief and healing in the pregnancy book. I don't really read anything about the pregnancy, but I do write how the days are going, how I feel about the babies (I started writing about the second one...Sept 1st...in the same book), and what I feel like when people say things that hurt. It really helps me, knowing that I won't ever have to get rid of that book and I can sorta of keep my hopes and dreams alive for those angels in that book.

Is there anything else I would like to share? Well, I also find these boards really helpful. I originally thought it was a weird thought to want to "try again immediately" after our loss. It seemed so selfish and that there was something wrong that I was not waiting a while. But I realize that it is a total normal feeling and is not selfish at all. So it helped to hear that people on here understand that drive and have had healthy rainbow babies. I like that you mentioned that you grieved differently for each one. I strangely blocked my first one out (years ago) and even refer to my second one as my "first loss." I guess because the first one really didn't affect me...I was young, shocked, and the miscarriage didn't seem like the loss of a baby I loved. The second one was the one that killed me. It hit me even more than the one that followed two months later. I am not sure why that is, but I know from on here that it is also normal.