[ashj_1218]

I just wondered how some of you felt about the actuality of trying. I have been testing for ovulation, even though I say I want to wait a couple months before trying again. I think I really don't want to wait, but I am so terrified of what might happen, it seems easier to think of it "later."

So I got a positive O test this morning and now I am sorta anxious/terrified as to if I want to DTD to try again. The doc said there was no reason to wait after a chemical pregnancy, so I am not really worried about that part...it is more emotional that I am sorta on the fence. And then I wonder if I am on the fence, if I should wait until I am less scared. And then I think that I might never be less afraid. Lol...I am so just so mixed up.

DH is leaving it all up to me as to when I want to try again. So...any experiences will be helpful. Thanks ladies

[missya0002]

im scared to try again but at teh same time dont wanna wait at all. Of course I have to wait for my first cycle to return after this loss but then DH is sying we can try again. I just cant wait for AF to return so we can get this show on the road lol

[shen7]

I had mixed feelings this cycle, but the TTC feelings definitely "won"!!!! It was hard early on to get into the BD groove, not just because of mixed feelings but because I still had a lot of sadness and overwhelmed-ness, which is not particularly sexy. I powered through it (DH's eagerness helped) and by the time I finally O'd (CD 18), I was rarin' to go. For me at least, DTD a lot helped my mood and energy level, so I think it was good whether or not it resulted in a BFP.

It's okay to wait for emotional reasons, or just half-heartedly try because you aren't sure. Just go with your instincts. It's very normal to feel conflicted about how much you want a pg right now...

[Micksbabe]

I am terrified but also know that if I don't take the risk then I will never get the reward

We haven't been using protection and I am not tracking my ovulation, so I am not sure if I have ovulated since my m/c (on August 21) and I know that we should be using protection but we aren't.

[JessP]

Being scared is totally normal. You don't have the same innocence you once did.
I usually am less scared after my EDD. For some reason I can't bring my self to try until after I get past that point. Then for some reason I start thinking that it might not be so bad, perhaps it won't happen again, and so forth. It is a very personal choice as to when to try again and only you will know when you are ready. But you will always have that what if in the back of your mind.
Perhaps not actively TTCAL would be less scary?

[ashj_1218]

Thanks ladies. I guess I must have known I was going to try anyway (we did) and I just will take things as they come. I think that Jess is right, not actively trying might be the way to go for now. This cycle was def more active (with the ov tests and such), but I think if it doesn't happen this cycle, we will go into NTNP mode. That does seem somehow less scary for now. I know I want another badly, but sometimes I wonder where the basis of that comes from. If I just want to get rid of the feelings of loss (that I know will never leave) or if I actually am ready to try again. Hopefully things will work out and I won't have to think about it so hard. But for now, we will see how things go and I guess I do know that I can handle anything thrown my way. Thanks for the support ladies.

[LisaG825]

I think it is very scary for very different reasons. I don't want to lose another baby. I don't want to ever have to experience what I did during the pregnancy. What I have been through since the m/c doesn't help either. Knowing that I can have another molar pregnancy and my chances increase makes it that much harder. I am not even cleared yet so in a way it makes it extremely terrifying if we do in fact start trying again.

I hope this is your month and you get a bfp. Good luck!

[Brittanie]

I think it's "safe" not to try. If you don't try again, you're guaranteed to not have another loss. But the moment you decide to try, everything else is outside of your control. And that's terrifying.

[Celena]

Ladies had so much wonderful advice already!

I'm terrified off and on... The other day after ovulation I got a little scared thinking what I we did achieve making a bean? Then I started to get freaked a little about the what if it implants in my tube? What if it ruins my right tube? What if somehow a fertilized egg were to implant in my left tube and I owe an ovary?

So to answer your question oh ya I get scared

[ashj_1218]

Wow...everyone here has touched on one or more of the things I am scared of. And feeling "safe" is a huge part of it. It is safe to not be pregnant, because then there is no possiblility of loss. I can't believe how many feelings, fears, and thoughts that people have alike after a loss...and how no one in the real world EVER talks about it. If it weren't for this board...I would be totally lost. Thanks a million, I love talking to you ladies.