[shen7]

Today I talked to my OB nurse back home in Mississippi and they want me in there on Friday morning for a first ultrasound. It seems a bit crazy to do an ultrasound at 19 DPO without taking any beta hcgs until that same day, but I guess they decided it was the best way to go about it, since I'm so far away right now. I changed my flight so I'm traveling home on Wednesday.

I'm sort of expecting them to not see anything on the ultrasound since it's pretty freakin' early. But, at least I will be in the system, getting care, and I'm not going to go through what happened last time again. I've started to have some mild panic attacks and crying jags - it's like residual panic from my ectopic disaster. I'm trying hard to relax and breathe, but these attacks just hit me randomly. Every digestive sensation is the beginning of ectopic pains. I'm constantly talking myself down from the cliff.

The nurse said as long as I'm not spotting at all and not having unmistakable sharp cramps/pains, there's nothing to worry about. I'm not. Thank God for that... I just wish I could flip a switch and turn off this irrational anxiety though...

Thanks ladies for listening... I don't know where else to turn... the PAL board is so quiet, and I don't feel like I really belong there yet... I love you guys.

[ohnicole]

I am keeping everything crossed that you are now pregnant with your beautiful, intrauterine, super sticky bean

I'm sure it is tough to fight that anxiety, and I wish you didn't have to go through that. But I hope that your u/s and blood draw are able to ease your mind a little bit.

[msshamis23]

Awww those are such normal feelings honey.

(At least you got a BFP and are nervous. I still haven't gotten one, and i'm still super scared! Even if I get AF because I got AF with my ectopic too!)

Just take deep breaths. Try (and this is gonna quite possibly be the hardest thing ever to do!) not to over analyze every feeling you get, and just try to relax.

*hugshugshugs*

I really hope this is your sticky bean that's in the right place!!! Please keep us updated!

[shen7]

Thank you Nicole and Amy... your words are very comforting... nobody around me understands the fears, the imagined sensations... but I know that you guys understand. Thanks for letting me know I'm not a total freak!! I just need to get through the next 5-8 days or so, then I should know what's going on.

The scientist in me is incredibly frustrated at the lack of good hard data... why oh why did that USB pee stick have to be a joke????

[ohnicole]

You are a scientist? Me too!

I swear that is half my problem- I just keep looking at everything with my scientist mind and thinking I can solve it or control it. Guess what??? I can't

[Halfbaked]

I hope the time goes by quickly for you and you're able to see a little something on the u/s. It's normal to panic. Heck, I would run to the bathroom constantly expecting to see something, even before my mc. I bet you'll relax some after your u/s. KUP

[sarha81]

I imagine if I get a + after this m/c I will be the same way, freaking out about a future that is totally out of my control. Glad your doc is going to see you early and praying for you, for a healthy bean!

[.:Shortcake:.]

HUGS! I hate knowing I'll never have a truly happy pregnancy because the whole time I will be worried something is wrong. But I am excited for you. Your in my thoughts and prayers and I can't wait to see your results

[shen7]

Thanks so much Rebecca and sarha and Katie... I'm all emotional now... *sniff* Very emotional lately. Today I'm feeling a lot better than yesterday, I slept pretty well most of the night, the panic has subsided for now. Hopefully this will last awhile before the next wave hits... thank you everyone for your support and good wishes, they are helping me more than you know...

[Micksbabe]

Wow I totally get where you are coming from, anxiety sucks!! Congrats again

[zkat]

My first ultrasound was 19 dpo, the same day as my hcg levels. They could see the sack in the uterus at that stage, but not much else. Once they ruled out an ectopic, they had me come back at 8 weeks to check for the heartbeat. My guess is with your history, they want to make sure it has implanted in the proper place.

Hang in there. The emotions are a crazy roller coaster ride. I had full blown anxiety/panic/crying jags the night before every ultrasound until after 20 weeks. I still get a little nervous and I am getting them every two weeks and can feel him move daily at this point. PAL is a little quiet, but you can ALWAYS PM me if you need to talk. I tend to be on JM through out the day and most evenings, so it won't ever be too long before you get a response.



Kat.