[luvmykids623]

Most of you know about the "friend" at work who is due 2 days before I was. After the d&c on Tuesday I took Wednesday off and went back yesterday since it was Back to School Night. When I got there yesterday morning one of my friends told me that the pregnant "friend" was going to be out until Tuesday because she hasn't been feeling well. She has lots of morning sickness and is really tired and doesn't have the opportunity to rest since she has a 10 month old son at home. (cry me a river) I thought this would be great for me to not have to see her for a little while. The kids got there and everything was going well, since they keep me busy. During my prep period another teacher came and asked me if the "friend" and her baby were ok. I told her the story about them being fine and why she was out, and she mentioned that she only asked because she heard the head of our Sunshine Club (the people who send flowers to staff members who have babies, sickness, death in the family, etc) calling in flowers for the "friend." I couldn't believe it. I told one of my close friends that she needed to find out what was going on, because I was about to lose it. Turns out, because she is taking a week off they decided that it would be nice to brighten her day and send her flowers. Not everyone knows about my loss, but the head of the Sunshine Club does, because she's also my grade level partner, and I had confided in her about what happened and my fears about dealing with the other "friend." She also lost her daughter at 35 weeks, so I figured she would be understanding of my situation. Turns out I was sooooo wrong. When I told her how I felt about them sending her flowers because she doesn't feel well she couldn't understand why I felt the way I did. She told me they didn't send flowers to me because I wasn't out long enough, and my "deal" isn't public knowledge. I informed her that I didn't want her stupid flowers.... it's not about the flowers!! It's about the insensitivity!!! We don't send flowers to everyone every time they're out for more than 5 days. Her response when someone asked about sending flowers to the "friend" should have been "that's not appropriate at this time."

Last night I got home from Back to School Night to the pregnant "friend" posting a pic of her "beautiful flowers from her thoughtful coworkers." Then this morning she sent a bright and sunny email thanking everyone. I talked to our union president today and told her how distasteful and hurtful I thought all of this was. She understood how I felt, but there really isn't much she can do about it now. I am just so hurt. I've worked at this school for 10 years now. I am seeing now how I've misjudged the character of a lot of the people that I've considered friends. I've gotten through 2 other losses and always used work as my safe haven. I didn't have to think, I was with the kids and was constantly busy, but this time it's different. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do it this time. Every time I turn around they're fawning all over her and it's just like rubbing salt in the wound.

[ohnicole]

Huge, huge, super tight hugs, Lori

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with such a frustrating situation at work right now. It's never easy to get through the days after a loss (and I remember being so p***ed at my co-workers for just laughing at each other's jokes right after mine).

It stinks that it seems like some people in the Sunshine Club used the club to make what basically should have been a personal effort to cheer up your pregnant "friend".

I hope that you can figure out a way to make work and at least the kids there your "safe haven". And know that you can always come vent to us when you need to.

[GoldenTickets]

I'm sorry that you had to go through this at your work. Hopefully the long break from the "friend" will make things easier in the next few days.

[ldovey83]

Lori I am sorry hun.. I am sorry that you had to go through all that, and that it seems like they don't care about your feelings.. I have been there... We are all here for you, and you know we have your back and we care about your feelings.. Hang in there hun..

[Glitz]

I don't agree about her getting flowers because she is out due to morning sickness lol i hope the smell of the flowers makes her vomit more lol just kidding

[luvmykids623]

Thank you ladies. I feel like they were wrong in sooo many ways. Apparently I'm not alone. DH got 3 days of bereavement leave after the d&c, and went back today. When his manager and coworkers asked how I was doing he gave them an honest answer and told them about what happened with my insensitive coworkers. A few of the amazing women that he works with decided that they wanted to make things right. So they all chipped in and are sending a spa treatment gift basket to me at work. They want my coworkers to see that there are people who care out there. Then I'm going to put a picture of it on Facebook. My "friend" who got the flowers put a pic of them up with the caption, "my beautiful flowers from my thoughtful coworkers." My picture will have the caption, "my beautiful gift basket from Jeff's incredibly thoughtful coworkers who wanted me to know that they were thinking of me." Then one of my friends who used to work at the school is planning on commenting about what a shame it is that my coworkers weren't as thoughtful.

[shen7]

If that doesn't make them feel like sinking right into the ground and never coming out again, nothing will!!!!!!!! Good for you for not taking it lying down... hopefully this will result in some heartfelt apologies, and you can go back to work-life as usual...

[sarha81]

Lets lock up your pregnant co-worker and my friends coming out of the woodwork with april due dates, and keep them far far away from us. I'm in! I'll bring the duct tape!

I'm so glad you got a spa basket out of it tho!!!!! Enjoy it, you deserve it.

[ohnicole]

That is an awesome plan Lori!