[okiliz]

Hey guys,
I know I don't know most of you all that well.. I have only been on here fro 3 months... and for the first month or so I mainly lurked because writing much about my loss or anything was to hard .. Your support has been awesome and a huge help,from both to those who answer my questions as well as people whose questions I read and or answer . You are all truely so strong and giving and I hope to get to know eachother all much better .. Having said that does anyone have any advice? My sister in law is due in 5 days.. my younger sister is due in 2 weeks or so and my other sister in law is due a month or so before I was .. I have been doing so well.. and I am not sure if it is because I got my BFN this month or what but I am just having a really hard time dealing with it all . We have to take a month off because of hubby's deployment schedule and I know that is making things hard on me too.. I don't want to wait.. Yesterday evening, I pulled my twins ultrasound out and just looked at them and cried... I feel still like I have some guilt.. like I should have known pcos causes so many miscarriages.. like I should have been more forceful when I asked for the progesterone or about the baby asprin ... I am excited of couse that we get to do another IUI in November but scared that it won't work because I had to have 2 D&Cs .. I will go through as much as I have to to have another baby .. I feel in my soul that I am meant to have at least one more.. now.. because I lost twins I feel like I should have twins and that makes me feel so greedy .. The sister in law who is due a month before me did not even want another baby .. I am happy for them.. all of them but for some reason it just really has me down .. How do Imove forward with confidence and positive thinking that november will work ? I knew I was not over it all the way.. but I thought I was doing better then this... Does the pain go away .. Also.. Do you guys believe that our angel babies watch over us ? Thanks.. I'm sorry to be a downer but I figured I could come here with this...

[ohnicole]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time I'm glad that you are coming to the board and seeking out support, because honestly sometimes these ladies are all that's gotten me through. We all struggle with other pregnant women, especially those who are due around the same time we were. I don't think there's a way to make it easier, but just try not to be too hard on yourself if you're not feeling happy or up to visiting. It's ok to feel sad about what you've lost.

[Halfbaked]

I'm sorry about your losses.
It's ok to not handle things like everyone thinks you should. If you don't want to be around everyone for awhile, then just don't. Tell everyone exactly why and hopefully they'll understand. Everyone handles things differently. For me, when my SIL had a baby, I went and just held her for as long as I could. After I did that, I just knew I wasn't going to give up ttc and although it makes me sad thinking about what I missed, it also helps me to know what I'm looking forward to.
Do what is best for you. Realize you don't have to be strong for anyone. Break down and cry when you need to and take things one day at a time. Have hope for the future and don't give up.

[Banned-a brand new laura]

Today has been awful for me too. A girl I knew posted her ultrasound pics, and she was just as far along as I would be...

[missy123]

((Hugs))... There is no magic answer for what you are going through. We really want to be happy for others but it is so hard because our want for our babies back and that raw pain that eats at your soul clouds all of it.

If you can't be near them then you can't. What you need to do is focus on YOU and YOUR needs. If others do not understand that then later on down the road you can catch up with them and explain what you were going through. You need time to heal and that time could be 1 day or 10 years... everyone is different and that is ok.

I lost my 2nd baby just a few weeks ago and even though my wedding day was the happiest day of my life it was hard being near the pregnant girls and the newborn babies that were there. I wasn't able to hang out with them a lot, just brief exchanges. Most of our friends there knew what I was going through and even if they did not fully understand what I was feeling they respected me enough to give me the space I needed.

((Hugs)) It does get a little easier.

[Celena]

Liz,

Sounds like you have allot of heavy feelings weighing on your heart right now. I'm sorry that you're going thru a down time right now... we all definitely can relate in our own ways with you that's for sure. Altho we've not been exactly in your shoes... Hope that it passes as the feelings of disappointment from the - hpt disapate. All the ladies in your life that are pregnant right now might not be easy to handle period on any day, but it might get easier as each day you come closer and closer to some peace, healing in your heart from your loss(es).

You asked if we feel our babies are watching over us... many have different views, but I'm one that feels that yes my babies are always with us. Feel like I sort of have some interesting proof that they are.

[JesSsica]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I definitely can empathize. I have people close to me who have coincidentally given birth or are due right at my three due dates. Forever reminders but yet so much happiness for them.

I found out after my last m/c that I have a problem with blood clotting (anti-lupus coagulant). That means, according to my doctor, that I just pop an aspirin a day when I get pregnant again.

On one hand it was so nice to hear it wasn't a chromosomal problem on my dh's part or something not fixable but on the other hand I've lost three babies who may have made it if I just popped an aspirin a day. Such a simple, easy thing....

There's always down days and then soon there will be lots more good days I promise. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Cry when you need to cry. We're here....