[Pitridge]

Nothing to do with TTC or pg, it's marital problems and I'm at loss...
So every night expect for sex night (now that we are TTC) dh watches the news until I get to bed and then leaves and goes to another room, so I watch something on TV until I am tired. Now last night was like any other night, but I got up to ask him a question and the door to the room where he was was locked , so I tried to opened (at first, I thought it was me, that couldn't open it), so with surprise he opens it up (takes him a while to open it). Anyway, when I asked him what was he doing with the door locked he kept telling me he did not know he locked it, he doesn't know why. Needless to say I got mad and he couldn't understand why I was so mad. He was watching TV and had his computer in there too....
How can he not understand that it's weird, suspicious that he leaves our room every night and then when I go to ask him a question, the door is lock. if he's not doing anything bad, why is the door lock?
What do you girls think? We haven't spoke since last night.......I'm suppose to leave my life here to move to another country in a couple of months.....

[SkyBaby]

I think it was pretty innocent. Sounds like a simple misunderstanding and an accident. Now, I'm the type to just let things fly, until they become recurring issues. Maybe check again tonight or tomorrow? Just randomly? Don't make it look like you're just watching him though. That could spark more problems.

[Pitridge]

I know that it sounds like it was a simple misunderstanding and maybe nothing for me to get all work out about, but we have those door that you have to move the lock to lock it, so by accident you can't lock.

[Brittanie]

I'd be immediately suspicious, personally. I agree, if nothing's going on, why did he lock the door?

I don't have any advice for you though, honey. Good luck figuring this out.

[ldovey83]

I would be suspicious also, but then again it could be innocent also..

I would wait a couple of days and pretend that you let it fly over and check again.. I have had a problem with this in the past and now if I suspect anything I tip toe and get up quietly and then open the door the quickly if it is unlocked and that catches them off guard.. I hope it's nothing hun.. Hang in there.

[ohnicole]

Patty, it could be something totally innocent, but it would probably bother me too. And I think that's the point really. Not that he was obviously doing something horrible, but that the way he's acting is making you feel uncomfortable.

If it were me, I would probably approach my DH saying something like, "I am worrying about this issue, and I don't want to put you on the spot right now, so I want to give you some time to work out your thoughts on it and we can talk again at X time." My DH always responds better when I give him a heads up. And I would be afraid that if you just keep acting like you're suspicious of him without directly talking about it, that you'll just make him angry.

Good luck!

[Halfbaked]

I've had the exact same thing happen. I flew off the handle thinking he had to be up to something but as it turns out, he really did accidentally lock the door. I only found out a week or so later when I went to lay down and one of the kids tried to come in and somehow, I had locked the door. I have no idea how it happened because you have to turn a knob to lock it. He knows you already think he was doing something so maybe you should try and just talk to him about it. Don't be mad but tell him you are concerned. It's always good to show them that you care about them and aren't just mad for the sake of being mad. Good luck

[Pitridge]

I tried to talk to him last night, maybe I was a bit mad, but I couldn't understand why the door was locked, he took his sweet time unlocking it and then just played dumb.
This morning he didn't even looked at me, he did not say a word to me, so it gets me thinking that he was doing something.
Part of me is upset (ok very) because we are moving to another country in a matter of months, I leaving my friend, my job for him...and after last night I'm wondering why am I doing it. He's apparently hiding something..........

[missy123]

I may be way off base here but maybe the stress of TTC has him out of sorts and he was touching himself to relieve the pressure... To make it seem more "normal" for him.

I would just ask him straight out. I am sure he wasn't doing anything to purposely hurt you or your relationship, it may be just that he was embarrassed.

[TTCin2010]

I agree with missy. Men masturbate, maybe thats what he was doing and was embarrassed that he was caught??

[Pitridge]

It could be..I'm letting it go and move on, I have to much on my plate right now and with TTC I don't want to have one more thing to worry about....Thanks girls for all the support

[MeganMomof5]

I would probably be upset too...I agree to maybe let that one time slide, and if it happens again, you should address the issue...I've actually caught my DH looking at porn before, and it really bothers me...It hasn't happened in a long time...Even though it's upsetting, It's pretty normal...I would be worried if it were something happening every day...Good luck and I hope you get it worked out.

[ldovey83]

Patty you are a strong person for just letting it go.. I caught my DH looking at porn and getting off to it, and I was so hurt.. Like I was beyond hurt.. It is something like I don't care if we watch it together and we please eachother, but I was very hurt to see him getting his jollies from another woman.. Hopefully your's is nothing, but definitely keep your eyes open..

[Pitridge]

Don't get me wrong, I am hurt no matter what, and just because I'm letting it go it doesn't mean that I'm not hurt by it. Last night he stayed in bed with me, but I will be keeping an eye.
If that's what he was doing what hurts is that he needs that instead of me. We onlt have sex when TTC, we talked about it and it's always the same excuse, it's not u it's me, I don't know why...so if he's masturbating to porn or something, it's because he prefers it that way, instead of me and that hurts even more.

[missy123]

I am so sorry this is hurting you so much... It would bother me as well. Does he have a higher sex drive than you do? I know my sex drive is much higher than my husbands so we had to work it out and find ways to make sure we were both pleased and fulfilled without him feeling like it was a chore.

[Servilia]

Patty,
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. In your last post you mentioned you only have sex when TTC.. is that by your choice or his? If it is his, and he is using porn instead of sharing his time with you, then that would worry me somewhat. Can you ask him about it or would he deny it?