[JessP]

So for a whole week I thought we might have gotten pregnant last month. I went through times of hope, fear, crying, stress I was a mess. Then I started spotting. And one day in particular really set me in a bad way. I had a panic attack and was shaking. It was terrible. At that point I knew AF was coming early or at least started praying she would because every spot of red, every clot (TMI) was freaking me out. Then she came. And I cried so hard. I want another baby so bad. But the thought of going through another pregnancy, another loss just scares the crap out of me. I told myself I wouldn't freak out but I apparently don't know how to do that. All I know is freak outs . I spent the whole weekend crying and wishing it wasn't this way. And hating all pregnant women. Sorry that is mean. And this week has only seemed like everyone is throwing it in my face and I just want to punch them. All of them complaining or bragging, either way it just hurts. Anyway I just needed to share with some ladies that might understand. I didn't want to share on the main board and freak anyone out or the PL board so I thought maybe you guys would understand. UGH why us?! And why can't HE just make us forget so we can be blissfully ignorant the next time? So we can enjoy our pregnancies like we should?

[ohnicole]

I am so sorry, Jess Life after a loss is just never the same. That fear, that anger, and that jealousy are always there, and it is so not fair. I wish I could take away your pain

[Brittanie]

I'm sorry honey. I'm sorry that it's so hard for you right now. I'm always terrified when I think I might be pregnant.

[JessP]

Thanks ladies. Sorry I just saw this. Been a busy week.

[MeganMomof5]

I just saw this post...(((Hugs))) I understand how your feeling...The closer i'm getting to TTC the more scared i'm getting...I hate that we all feel this way, it's not fair!!!!

[JessP]

Very not fair.
Ugh I don't even know what to say anymore.
I am off to bed . Last month totally put me in a funk.

[skittle2011]

I feel exactly the same way. You said it so well. I get so excited when I think I might be pregnant followed by complete fear. Then my period comes and I cry and I feel so alone and so broken. Then I'm good again,i feel like maybe I have my family and this is it for me, I feel ok with that. But .... two weeks later it starts all over.

[JessP]

So sorry skittle I hope it gets better for you. TTCAL is so hard. I actually wasn't TTC when I conceived this time and honestly it was easier for me emotionally.