[little.lili]

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed my absence or not...

I took a break from the board about a month ago because I thought it was becoming unhealthy. I was starting to obsess over TTC, and I just didn't want to feel like that anymore.

And while the break has helped, and I have thought little of trying again, I still think about my miscarriage every day. Holding my pain inside has not helped.

I feel as if someone just stomped my little heart to death. I wanted that baby SO MUCH, more than I can even describe (and I'm sure most of you know what I mean) and it was just taken away. It feels so unfair and so wrong.

It's all I think about...

I even have an awesome new job and I'm so happy there, but it's not enough... I feel so broken...

Is time really the only cure?

[Pitridge]

I remember you, I was wondering what happened to you. I'm sorry you are going through this. It does get better, it gets easier to live your everyday life.

[Joanna1127]

I am new here myself but wanted you to know that I could have written that exact same post. I am a mess. I feel so lost and just empty. I have a beautiful daughter here who is such a blessing, but can't seem to even begin getting over this little baby I just lost.

I really hope in time it gets somewhat easier cause I'm not sure I can take this for too long.

HUGS!

[little.lili]

Thanx for the replies ladies. I know it hasn't been that long so perhaps I just need more time. I know this is the only place I can come to where I am understood...

I feel like I've been trying to "fake it to make it" and I've become quite good at faking it, but inside I feel completely the same. I'm resenting pregnant women more and more. The feeling of unfairness just consumes me at night.

My husband doesn't understand... only ONE person has asked me how I am (other than my OB)... I feel like no one sees me or my pain...

And while some days I feel better than others. It's still always on my mind...

It's been hard...

[TTCin2010]

I could have written your post. Unless someone has suffered a miscarriage they dont understand. HUGS

[~InHisHands~]

[MeganMomof5]

(((hugs))) sometimes it just takes some time, and it's best to just step away...I think most people who TTCAL have BTDT...We are here whenever you need to talk

[msshamis23]

Hey Lili. I know how you feel. I go through spurts where I either don't go here, or I just lurk--no matter how bad I wanted to post or reply.

I remember before my loss when I was ttc, I wasn't anywhere near obsessed. My mindset was--if it'll happen it'll happen. Be patient. Now I'm the opposite.

*hugs*

I miss seeing you around here honey.

[JesSsica]

Time really does help. I'm now almost 5 months since my last loss and I feel so much better today than I did then. I do still think about things but it doesn't bring about the extreme sadness it used to. Now it's just fleeting thoughts triggered randomly. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way...

[okiliz]

Hiya,
I lost my twins 4 months ago and for me it still hurts like it just happens.. but only at times... when I see a very pregnant belly I think, thats what I would have looked like now ... but I don't cry randomly anymore... Deciding to go back to the fertility dr to try again had helped and most of the time I do ok.. sometimes I still pull out their ultrasound pics and look and I cry a bit.. but for me moving on did not start to happen until I KNEW for sure I could try again... but thats me.. I hope it gets better and that your heart bit by bit rebuilds it's self.. You will always have a tiny spot for the baby you lost but that baby would want you to be happy .. hugs

[Brittanie]

I don't know that time is a "cure." I still miss my Cora every day. It's not the piercing, break-down-into-tears type pain that it was, not every day. But I think it hasn't lessened, I've just gotten used to it. I've learned how to life my life around it. I've gotten more distractions in my life (namely the two named Erin and Patrick). But I still have times when it's just as raw and painful as when the doctor told me Cora's heartbeat was gone.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel like there's something "wrong" with you.

[.:Shortcake:.]

HUGS! I am sorry for your loss. Time does help and in my case talking about it to people who understand. My cousin lost her baby when she was 3 1/2 weeks old due to SIDS. Her and I have really bonded through our losses. I've taken several breaks because it can get to obsessive when TTC.