DH is being a jack!

msshamis23 · #1 October 9th, 2010, 06:18 PM

Hey ladies, I'm having issues with DH, and TTC.

This is taken from my blog:

It's a sad day in Amy's world of TTC. As most of you know BD-ing can be kind of repetitive, and you can easily lose interest. Well, i'm not sure if that's what's happened in my world, but something close.

While BD-ing I looked over at my closet, and realized I forgot to ask if DH noticed I color coordinated it, and couldn't help but, think how pretty nice it looked that way. How sad is that?

Also in my attempt to seduce DH, he told me 'How am I supposed to want to have sex with you, when you are so pitiful in wanting it?'

What the heck is that? I'm sorry my seduction attempts didn't include wine, candles, and perhaps a little bit of Barry Manilow. Though even if I did that, it probably would have been 'pitiful' to you as well DH. Now that i'm thinking it, no wonder I focused on my pretty looking closet. I'm trying to keep BD-ing fun, but with him being like this--it's hard. I got the job done, but couldn't help but be relieved when it was over, because then he could stop 'pitying' me.

And it's not only that, he's been working on designing a website that has him up til 5-6 AM, and then tries BD-ing with me, and then blaming me because we haven't kept up with it! I'm sorry I go to sleep at 12 because i'm tired, and don't really want to be woken up at six am to have sex with you! I'm sorry i'm trying to do it with you while we are both still awake, so that not only can we try to make a baby, but also stay close. I'm sorry!

I'm going shopping tomorrow. Maybe that will lift my spirits. While spending money isn't something that I should go overboard with, I will buy myself a few shirts, and perhaps some Halloween items.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

What should I do?

shen7 · #2 October 9th, 2010, 07:50 PM

Ah yes, sounds familiar... TTC can indeed be a bit tricky to keep "fun" esp. with different schedules... I am sure it's different with each marriage, but here's what we figured out. I took to telling him "I will require your services at 1800 hours tonight" or other such things, like marching orders. He seems to get off on that lol and we'd both be ready to go at the appointed time. But seriously though, scheduling in advance (like a day in advance) can be really helpful... maybe there's some way you can inject some humor into it as well... I'm sure you'll work it out!!! Maybe impose a "work break" on him at 11:30... whatever! But warn him in advance rather than being spontaneous. Spontaneity is great on vacations but not every day. At least that's my experience.

Good luck!!!!

Halfbaked · #3 October 9th, 2010, 09:15 PM

I'm sorry DH is being such a jerk. I'm probably no help because if my DH had said 'How am I supposed to want to have sex with you, when you are so pitiful in wanting it?' I would have fired right back at him about not wanting to have sex with him either but unless he wanted to deposit the goods in a dixie cup for me, we both didn't have a choice. I'm sure that would have just made him mad though and then nothing would have happened, but that's how I think. I have to be really good around O time. Isn't it sad that we have to seduce them? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Maybe letting him know what you expect ahead of time will help. I really don't know. Humor has always worked for me. We joke about things to help lighten the expectations. I hope he comes around and starts being more understanding.

ashj_1218 · #4 October 10th, 2010, 04:40 AM

Whew. You are way more tolerant than I would have been. That is a really, really rude comment. I don't care how sick of sex he might be...you don't say things like that!! I prolly would have fired back something smart that would have been equally rude and likely would have gotten us nowhere (aka: "Well I guess we are even then...my seduction is pitiful and your performance leaves something to be desired").

Just tell him that if your seduction sucks so much, then you will write down the FEW days you need his services and he can spend the rest of the month dealing with things himself. That way, seduction is not required. Geez. I am so sorry you are dealing with that! How hurtful. Is he def on the same page as you, as far as TTC goes? I just wonder with a comment like that, he obviously knows you are close to ovulating and you would think he would at least be able to suck it up until you are out of the fertile window. I don't have any helpful advice, it just stinks you are in that place. I imagine you are very, very frustrated at this point.

~InHisHands~ · #5 October 10th, 2010, 05:03 AM

Oh man!

I don't know what you should do except pray & let God guide you perhaps. I'll be praying...

BeccaM · #6 October 10th, 2010, 06:18 AM

Im sorry hes being a pain. I know for my DH he says it makes him feel like a monkey being made to perform. So we try different things to try and keep it interesting. Maybe try something new and exciting to peak his interest - different positions, different locations, different outfits...etc... I dont know about yours but mine HATES it when I even mention the word baby or baby making in relation to sex - then he really feels like he has to perform and loses interest completly.

tobi4 · #7 October 10th, 2010, 06:53 AM

Oh Amy! I want to cry. What a horribly mean thing to say. Tell him how hurt you are. Ive been in a similar situation and totally understand the hit to your ego and self esteem. I admire that you were able to keep your goal in mind and not tell him any of the comebacks Im sure came to mind!

msshamis23 · #8 October 10th, 2010, 07:23 AM

Thanks so much ladies.
You made me laugh, and made me feel a little better.
We try to keep it fun, and not just about ttc. Like I said, he DOES want to DTD--just at six in the morning when he's finally coming to bed and i've been asleep for several hours. I don't know about any of you ladies, but the LAST thing on my mind at 6 am is sex. It was really hard to bite my tongue though--I usually have no problem telling him my thoughts.

ldovey83 · #9 October 10th, 2010, 09:08 AM

Amy I am sorry he said that to you... What I had to do cause it got to my DH too, was I kept him out of my cycles.. I didn't tell him when I was ovulating.. All I did was spruce it up some.. I would put moves on him, and I even watched some videos cause I know guys like that and we watched them together, and that got us in the mood and not thinking about the whole baby making.. We actually concieved that month too.. Sorry and I hope it gets better for you.

LindseyE117 · #10 October 10th, 2010, 09:16 AM

My hubby knows better than to snap at me, because then he will hear it (or get completely ignored) for days. Lol. His problem is (because he is a little older) that he just does not have the energy to BD all the time. So I get it when he can give it. Lol.

ohnicole · #11 October 10th, 2010, 05:53 PM

Amy, I'm sorry DH said such a hurtful thing to you. I hope you guys can work it out because that kind of behavior is really not ok. Shame on him.

If he says that again, you should just slowly look down at his crotch and say, "Oh I'm sorry, did I hear the word pitiful?"

(I hope I made you smile. Wish I could give you a big hug

)