[dreamer10]

One week after findng out my baby boy has died I sit here trying to come to terms with it. Four losses in one year. How do I cope? Everyday I find a little more hope and comfort than the day before, but I have my ways. Ways to cope, to pick myself up, brush myself off and move on. Move forward.

I guess I was wondering how you all do it? What gives you comfort in those dark hours after finding out we have lost another baby. Most of us have lost several. What brings the sunshine back into your lives? Are there people? God? Music? I was just sitting here thinking about all of us and what we have gone through in our lifetime.

I find that one of my biggest comforts is the love from my children, my spouse...and God. I find that each loss brings a longer healing time and it will be a while after this baby. He was doing so well and there are just no answers as to why he is gone. But I don't want to go on living if it means I go on without hope. Without light in my life and without joy.

I would like to hear your thoughts....I would like to hear what heals your souls and maybe we can glean off each other while we try to make sense of things that don't make sense. While we trudge through mud and muck while trying to bring something beautiful into our lives....I want to hear.

[ldovey83]

Julie huge hugs hun... Honestly I too am still trying to find the sunshine, the happiness, and the peace I once had.. Now it is harder cause DH dosen't want to try anymore, and so I can't try to move on.. I sit and miss what I lost.. I have to avoid the baby sections, and friends with babies.. Every now and then I get together with them, and pull myself together only to fall apart when I get home.. I don't know what helps at this point.. I just want to offer you huge hugs hun, and know we are all here for you...

[ohnicole]

Julie, huge hugs. It's so amazing how you have stayed positive and strong through everything you've been through.

As far as staying hopeful, I really don't know. I started out with hope, and I think every cycle just sucks a little more of it away. I love my DH and I love my furbabies, but I feel such a need to start the rest of my family. Accepting that I have no control over whether that will ever happen is really tough.

I hope that you're able to stay inspired to keep on living life the way you love to. You're an amazing woman!

[sweetgirl51305]

I am so sorry you are going through a loss. I have had 3 within about 7 months and it doesn't get any easier in number. This last one I had wasn't TOO hard since I didn't have enough time to get excited and attached. However, the only thing that keeps me going now is HOPE and FAITH. Hope that I will one day bring home a baby. Everytime I've gotten pregnant I was basically counting down the days until I m/c'd. Now, I'm trying to have a positive attitude. I'm also going to start going back to church and I've started listening to Christian music on the radio. I feel that maybe if I reach out to a higher power and keep positive that one day my dreams of bringing home a baby will come true. It still kills me when people on tv get to announce their pregnant or going past the baby aisle at the store, but it's getting just a little easier with time. However this week will be hard as my due date is coming up among other things. GL and I'll keep you in my thoughts!

[.:Stace:.]

Hugs to you Julie!
I will admit that after Patrick was born sleeping in March I never thought that I would laugh or really smile again. 6 months later I sometimes smile and really mean it. If it wasn't for my 2 sons and my wonderful DH I know that I wouldn't be even able to do that. I'm so much more reserved now ... I'm quieter .... I wish everyday that I was holding Patrick in my arms and not looking at pictures of him and knowing that I'll never see him grow.
I have to have faith .. in what I don't know ... I have to believe that everything happens for a reason even though I'll never know what that reason is!
I pray that one day I'll hold another baby that is mine but I guess I just have to accept that that may never happen. For the time being I'll hold my kids longer and kiss them more. 1 day at a time .... 1 step at a time ...

[*~ Joni ~*]

My loss was one week ago on 10/01 as well

For me, what helps is the belief that that baby is not gone forever but that s/he will come back. Whether that means we conceive again or that s/he comes as a grandchild or niece or nephew... Somehow. I can't imagine that little soul will never live. That can't be right. So my hope comes from the belief that we'll get that baby back. I know not everyone belives that, but we do.

[Halfbaked]

Julie, I'm so sorry for your losses. I cried when I read about your loss.
Faith is the one thing that has brought me through so much in my life. Knowing Heavenly Father's plan for us, and that no matter what happens, we can be together as a family again, has given me the will to go on. I just wanted to let you know that you've been in our thoughts and prayers. If you ever need anything, please feel free to PM me.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Julie, super big massive hugs hun. I know what your going through.

What brings me hope... the ladies on this board bring me hope every day. I know that there are ladies that have graduated here that have been through more than I have and there are some ladies here that are still going through it. I look to them knowing if they can make it through and still find hope that I have to as well.

DH and I have talked about it several times before and we both know that no matter what we can't let us break us apart but let it draw us closer together and each and every time we have pulled closer and sought comfort in one another.

My mom has been a huge support to me as well. She never lost a child but she has been there from day one with me and goes to all my doctors appointments with me.

Don't get me wrong I have bad days/good days & bad moments/good moments and when I do I try to take things one day at a time or a minute at a time if I have to. I know that I want to be a mom more than anything else in the world and I'm not giving up. IT WILL HAPPEN!

Love you Julie! Please know that if you ever need to talk I'm here hun.

[Celena]

I was going to post other night here, but I just couldn't bring myself to with what I had written... most of it was less than optimistic because of the cruddy couple of days I had had and total, utter lack of sleep... So I'm glad I waited no one needed to read what I wrote.

However the one part I remember and wanted to share is this...

...Hope... hope is the bright, warm rays of the sun kissing my face while the salty sweet breeze from the ocean washes over me with the melodic sounds of the waves crashing on the shoreline, seagulls calling to one another and the seagrasses wrestling... God is all around, the creation is His doing... He gives me hope that one day He will bless us with another creation of life in my womb which will be healthy in every way and brought safely into the world this time. I know it's all in His time as much as I want it to be in mine...

[dreamer10]

I love to come here to this board and I had a hard time trying to leave when I did get pregnant again because of all of you. There is something so sad and yet so binding with women that had to suffer losses. We just seem to come together and hold so tight to each other because we understand each others feelings. I love this board and I will say that if I ever do get that sticky bfp I won't be able to bring myself to leaving you all. I have gained so much hope and strength from knowing you ladies that I would want to keep that up. I loved hearing your input and and think we are so good for each other.....thanks ladies...

[MeganMomof5]

Julie (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry you have lost 4 babies in the last year

I struggle every day with finding hope...For awhile I had lost all hope...Honestly, if it weren't for my kids that I already had, I think I would of just curled up into a ball and stayed there till I died...I had to keep going for my kids, they need me, and I have to think of them first before myself and my feelings...I sometimes tell myself that I WILL have a baby...There's a reason this is happening and it will happen when the time is right...Some days I don't feel like that, but I think the good days are coming more often than the bad now...I too love this board, and even though i've wanted to leave, and STAY Away, i'm so thankful for all of you...Even when I was pregnant, I didn't post much, but I came and read this board every day....Next time i'm pregnant, i'm going to post and read.