[ohnicole]

I started a part time job a few weeks ago. I watch a 2 year old boy (Jack) 2 days a week. We usually go to the park by their house. It's a pretty busy park, and there are almost always moms their with their kids. And the moms almost always want to talk to the other moms. And they always assume that I'm Jack's mom, and start asking me questions about Jack's past like when he reached this or that milestone. And honestly, it's no big deal, just 9a little weirdly awkward to say, "No, I'm the babysitter," but no big deal.

But sometimes they get to me.

Today, one of them asked me if Jack got his blonde hair from my husband. Nope, there are no kids in the world that have anything from my husband

And then another one told her kids to say goodbye to Jack and Jack's mommy. Wrong again, I don't get to be anybody's mommy

And the other day one of them went on and on about how fertile she was, and how she can get pregnant any time she wants to, and how she can plan her family exactly how she wants it, and then said, "Isn't it great not to have to deal with fertility problems?" Ummmm, I wouldn't know what that is like

There is really no point to this, except that although I LOVE babysitting (and playing at the park ), I didn't really expect all these mom comments from strangers and sometimes I get a little twinge. Sigh.

[MeganMomof5]

aww that would of been hard...i'm sorry (((Hugs)))...and BTW don't think too much about the mom that thinks she can have a baby any time she wants etc...I used to think the same way...things happen (not saying that I want it to happen to anyone), but they do, and she shouldn't be so bold about it...(((hugs))) again

[tobi4]

I couldnt agree with you more Megan, even the last time I was pregnant my Doctor made comments about how fertile I was. ummm, 8 months later... hello?
Anyways, Nicole, Im sorry. Its so hard hearing those comments, really made in innocence but not any easier, by any means. I just want to tell you Nicole, you are going to have a baby, you are going to be someones mom, and a special one at that. You already are great with children, and I know how compassionate you are with your sister. You are full of the qualities that make someone a wonderful parent, instead of just a 'mom'. If you know what I mean.

[ohnicole]

Thanks, Megan I hope that the 'fertile mom' is able to plan her family out exactly how she wants it. But we all know all too well how things can change without our permission.

Thanks, Tobi I sure hope you're right and that I get my chance to be a mom. I also hope your kids and DBF know what a sweet and awesome woman they have in their lives

[tobi4]

I am right. I always am. Just ask me!

[TTCin2010]

HUGS I feel your pain...I am full-time nanny of two, and everyone assumes I am their mom because I go everywhere and do everything with them (including sports, and drs apts When some people find out I am not their mom they dont want to talk/play with us.

Enjoy the park with little Jack and try not to let those ladies get the better of you.

[Celena]

Nicole I'm so sorry that those idiots have no common sense to ask you if you're his mom or are y'all related before blabbing away their nonsensical assumptions.... jerks!

Ya know... I'm *that one* that would end up saying something cynical in response to their assumptions of being the child's mother... especially if it strikes a nerve. (don't get me wrong I don't like confrontation, but sometimes when my emotions take over I have a hard time with word vomit... like "did I just say that out loud?")

Want me to come travel there to take care of all the questions? Inconsiderate fools at the park?

[ohnicole]

Tobi, I guess that's settled then

Karen, I'm sorry that people don't want to play with you guys... that is really rude! I don't understand why people are so weird sometimes.

Celena, you can be my park bodyguard! Or maybe I should just stop by the elementary school and hire the 5th grade bully.

[luvmykids623]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with their assumptions and babble.

[ashj_1218]

That sucks!!! How frustrating for you to have to listen/participate in that kind of talk. I know it is common to talk and compare, but going on and on about fertility is just rude. I even thought about things like that before I had a miscarriage. Not everyone is so lucky...and I hate to say it...but she has no idea what could come down the pike next time. Not that anything would happen, but I just hate when people assume they have control over things like how many kids, spacing, and even gender (and yes, some people think that because they didn't want a boy (or girl) that they didn't get one). It is so sad, because you would do anything to be someone's mom...and here she is talking about her perfect spacing??

And I second Tobi up there. As bleak as it seems now, you WILL be someone's mommy one day. And that little one will be the luckiest kid around. You will be a great mommy and will appreciate things that many mom's take for granted (at least before they had a loss). You just have to wait it out and think that when that LO comes...it will have waited a long time to get to you and that makes him/her that much more special

[Brittanie]

I agree that lady talking about fertility is just rude. Even if Jack was yours, how does she know that you didn't get him from IVF or something or that you were trying for a second for a while? Just rude. I think I would have said something to that lady. Even I am reasonably confident that I can plan like that, but my family STILL isn't exactly the way I want it. I sure didn't plan on Cora dying. Grrrrrr.



Tobi's right though. You will have a baby all your own. And, I know it's not the same, but you ARE someone's mommy right now. And your angel's sibling will be so loved and appreciated because of everything you have experienced.

[Pitridge]

You will have a beautiful baby and you will be the best mom ever.

I think that I would of probably say something rude back at her. I'm always very polite but when you hit close to the heart, watch, I'm little but very mean.

[msshamis23]

I agree with everyone! People can really be inconsiderate sometimes, and I'd think they really don't know any better. They are viewing the world from rose colored glasses.

You will get to be a mom Nicole, and you will be a great one at that!

[ohnicole]

Thanks, girls You really know how to make a girl feel better

ETA: I just went back through and re-read all of your responses, and I just have to say that you are all the sweetest, most amazing group of women I have ever known. It is so amazing that there are people like you girls to balance out all the inconsiderate and selfish people in the world And so great to know that some these awesome women know just what to say to inspire me to have faith that I will be (and am already ) a mom someday, even when I am struggling to keep that hope alive

I love you all!!!!

[missy123]

Don't you wish we were not all in this situation at all and we could be as naive as them to freely speak that way? I am sure if they knew what you have been though they would never deliberately speak words that hurt so much.

I wish it were different for all of us.

Nicole, you are amazing and keep the faith honey.

[ldovey83]

Nicole I am so sorry you had to go through that hun... You are a strong woman for just not saying something.. At this point I would've said something to that lady with the fertility non sense.. That is one of those subjects that are touchy to me, and I think people should be sensitive to it.. HUGE hugs.. I believe one day we will all have our rainbow babies.. We are all here for you Nicole, and we all love ya.. Hang in there. Vent anytime.

[Halfbaked]

I am the the person that comes up with the best things to say AFTER it's all over.
People can be so rude. I've learned to not assume anything. Like people just assume I'm done having kids, or people just assume I'm really fertile. They shouldn't ASSume things that are non of their business.

You're going to be a great Mom. The fact that you didn't get in a fight with those ladies just proves it

[ohnicole]

Originally Posted by missy123

Don't you wish we were not all in this situation at all and we could be as naive as them to freely speak that way?

Every day, Missy! But someday we will be holding our rainbow babies, and we will be so strong and so grateful because we lost our innocence

Lindsey, I don't know about being strong, I was just not in the mood for fighting

Rebecca, I come up with good things after the fact too!

Thanks for the support, girls!