[MeganMomof5]

anyone ever watch it? I don't watch many pregnancy shows when i'm not pregnant (too depressing), but I do watch this show...Last week they showed "i'm pregnant and have cancer" and it really hit close to home...It makes me wish that I would of waited to have surgery till after I had Ella...I know they say that her death didn't have anything to do with my cancer or surgery, but it's something i'm always going to wonder.

[SkyBaby]

I watched that episode. You made the best decision you could have made at that point in time. *hugs*

[ashj_1218]

I watch that show on ocassion. Sometimes it makes me mad though.

But I know it is sooo easy to second guess yourself. Or make "choices" in hindsight. Just remember that you made those choices because they seemed the best at the time and you were doing what you could to make yourself and your baby healthy. Imagine if you hadn't done the surgery and something completely unrelated went wrong anyway...you would have STILL blamed yourself. It is a lose-lose battle. If the docs say it was unrelated, I am sure they have good reason to say so. Try to be nicer to yourself...you have had enough pain without adding your own berating into the mix.

[TTCin2010]

I havent seen that one. What ch is it on? I know how hard it is not to second guess yourself. The what if's can haut you. Be kind to yourself, and know that you did the very best for yourself and your family. HUGS

[Brittanie]

I agree with the other ladies. It's so easy to tell yourself what you should have done looking back on it, but there's no way you could have known. And the doctors may actually be right.

There are so many small choices I regret in regards to Cora's last few days, but like Skybaby said, you made the best choice you could with the information you had. And it's not your fault that you didn't know.

[MeganMomof5]

I think I know it's not my fault, but it's just so hard to get over that feeling...I think it's always going to be "what if I did this different, would it of changed things"...it's something i'll never know...i'm sure you understand Brittanie.

[Pitridge]

Megan, I know this might be too personal and I understand if you don't want to answering, what cancer did you have? I don't know much of the back story...

I agree with the ladies, it's so easy to second guess yourself. Looking back now you can say, well I could of done this instead of that. You did what you thought you have to do.

[MeganMomof5]

I had Thyroid cancer, which isn't a serious cancer (Mine had started to spread I found out after my surgery)...I think I had it for around 7 years before they knew it was cancer...But the thing that gets me, is having major surgery while pregnant...They told me I had to do it...I didn't really have much of a choice...I wish I would of stuck to my instincts and waited...the rate that my cancer was growing, was very slow, and i don't think waiting 5 months would of killed me...My lump was found when I was pregnant with my son in 2005 and it had only grown a little in 4 years.

[Pitridge]

I'm a very curious person, so I'm sorry for asking question. You lost Ella after that surgery?

[MeganMomof5]

Yes...When I went in for my first appointment in my pregnancy, my OB felt my neck (he's the one that found my lump years before) and said it had grown, and he wanted me to see an endo...So I got a biopsy done, and it came back as cancer...I had surgery when I was 19 weeks 3 days along in my pregnancy...I think she died a week later...She was stillborn 3 weeks to the day after my surgery.

[Pitridge]

Did they say if the surgery caused the m/c?
Megan, I'm sorry if this is not something you want to talk about, just tell me to shut up, I'll understand.

[MeganMomof5]

I don't mind talking about it...her loss wasn't considered a miscarriage, it was a stillbirth...I was told no, that it didn't cause her death...It took over 5 months to get her autopsy back, and it says that her cord was constricted (it didn't give that as a cause of death), but my doctor said that's probably what caused it...My miscarriages since then, are not from my thyroid (my thyroid levels have been good during every pregnancy and after every loss)

[Pitridge]

Megan, I apologize, I meant to write stillbirth, but m/c is a word that comes to mind more frequently. The reason why I asked is because I was wondering if her death was cause by the stress of the surgery. The babies feel everything we feel, and having the surgery had to be a big stress for her.
Now, about the beginning of your email, you couldn't off known that this was going to happen. We rely a lot on doctors to look out for us and our babies. The probably wouldn't of known either...
Thank you for talking about it with me, it helps me to get know you and your story better.

[ldovey83]

I have seen a couple of episodes of that show, and I have seen a few of the I didn't know I was pregnant too.. It is hard to watch those..

Megan hun I wanted to say HUGS, and you did the best you could at that point in time.. There are things that I wish I could take back or didn't do and one of those is ever getting that stupid Mirena IUD.. HUGS!!!

[Halfbaked]

I didn't know you had cancer then. That makes more sense now. I have to tell you though, I doubt that was what caused you to loose Ella. I say that because my SIL had thyroid cancer when she was pg and had her thyroid removed when she was 4 months along (16 weeks I believe). She had it come back after that baby, went through radiation, went on to have another one.
It's hard not to blame ones self for things that often we had no control over at all. I know I'm one to talk. I blame myself all the time for causing things to happen, but I'm trying to be more positive and believe that it was out of my control. Sometimes, we just need to blame someone and that often means ourselves. Don't give in to that. It wasn't your fault. ((HUGs))

[.:Shortcake:.]

HUGS Megan! I am so sorry you had to go through that and make that choice. That had to be a hard choice to make and you did make the best choice possible at the time. I can't watch those shows anymore.... it just hurts too much.