[sheephater321]

hello ladies...I'm not sure anyone can help me here, but I'm kind of confused. About 3 weeks ago I had 2 cysts(1 functional and 1 corpus luteum) removed laparoscopically from my right ovary. My incisions are still healing and I still have a decent amount of soreness in my right pelvic area. In the past week, my husband and I have been trying to ease into having sex again. The first time it felt okay but then I had spotting the next morning(it only lasted 1 day). We waited a couple days and we had sex again. We had to stop because it hurt too bad. It kept feeling like something was getting hit and I was having some right side abdominal cramping in the front and back.
Also, I have a yearly exam/pap smear scheduled for this coming monday, nov 1st. I had scheduled this a long time ago and now I'm debating whether I should cancel it. If sex hurts and I'm still tender should I really be having a pap and exam. I don't really want to be touched any more. However, I have not had a pap test in the last year and have had 3 miscarriages in that time. We are hoping to TTC in this next cycle, so I'm debating just cancelling the pap for a while. I've had exams and vaginal ultrasounds and a laparscopic surgery, just not a pap this year.
Also, this is another issue...I've been really confused and upset lately. There is a HUGE part of me that just wants to get pregnant like NOW.( We've been given permission to try after my next period) But there is another part of me that is just exhausted and just sick of all of this crap. I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of thinking about pregnancy and babies. Part of me wants it to just go away for a while, but the problem I have is that just really don't think I can suppress my desires. I'm so bitter and I'm scared. I'm worried that because of this stress I won't be as good of a mother as I could have been a year ago before all of this crap happened. I know that adjusting to motherhood is hard on every new mom, but I just feel like it will be harder on me now if we ever are successfull. Don't get me wrong, I want a baby and to start a family. I just feel like I've been hit by a truck and then asked to perform and produce a healthy happy baby. I want to have a happy pregnancy and I want to be a happy healthy mom for my child's sake.Right now I just feel like a nutcase...
Ugh....any input..opinions ? Should I cancel my pap for now with the soreness? And does anyone else feel at all like me?

[Celena]

I would keep the pap appointment personally, you can bring up the soreness and pain from sex as well as the spotting. Then talk about everything you have concerns about physically and emotionally.

I'm so sorry that you're in a rough spot right now and can totally relate with getting sick of the whole ttcal roller coaster of emotions... but no matter what I think you'd be the best mother ever. It's not going to change that, but no matter when you get pregnant you're going to have different feelings, fears, anxieties than if you've never had a loss. It's not the same, the blissful ignorance is gone when it comes to pregnancy... so I hope that you can come to some peace with that internally. You're going to be a fabulous mother no matter what!

[sheephater321]

thank you so much celena..you are an amazing woman for being so supportive to me and so many other women on here. Thank you for this comment and all of the others you have made. I think you are probably right about keeping the pap appt. I'm sore and dont want to be touched but I assume that the doctor will take that into consideration and do what is best and be gentle. I've been kind of worried about what I feel like is a slow healing process. When you're in the hospital they make it sound like you'll be fine in a week.(rriiiigght..lol)
i appreciate your comments about the motherhood/pregnancy concerns. I worry but i guess I should be more concerned if I didn't have any worries. i hope we both have some good luck here soon! Thank you so much for your kindness celena =)

[ohnicole]

Originally Posted by Celena

I would keep the pap appointment personally, you can bring up the soreness and pain from sex as well as the spotting. Then talk about everything you have concerns about physically and emotionally.

I think it's a good idea to keep that appointment so you get a chance to talk with your doctor and make sure your recovery is going as expected.

TTCAL is a rough road, hon, and I think we've all been in the place (many times) where we are just so sick of even thinking about it anymore. You do what you need to in order to make it through. There is no right way or wrong way to go about this journey. As for worrying about the experiences you've had and your ability to be a good mother, so many of the ladies on here have pointed out to me that it is because of our experiences that we will appreciate and love our little ones that much more.