[missy123]

JM boasts itself as being the nicest place on the internet and in my opinion it is true... It is such a nice place to be. Everyone is nice. No one argues, there are very few trolls. (don't get Trolls mistaken with people that make up lies about themselves on these boards)... Everything is just that, Nice.

The support and kindness I have received on these boards would be worth well over $10,000 in therapy and the real life friendships that have resulted are priceless.

However, do you find yourself being nice all the time when there are posts you just want to argue about? Do you just ignore those posts or have I really found a group of women on the internet that are all this nice?

Honestly, I have to say there are times when I want to just tell someone how ridiculous they are being but I hold my tongue as to not disrupt the harmony around here.

Wow, I have wanted to say that for over 3 years now and I said it in a nice way.

[mmllhh]

I agree, i just don't respond to some post that I think are coming from someone who is riding the Crazy Train.

[missy123]

Oh I have had my share of riding that train. I just wish people would tell me when to get off

[tobi4]

lol, Love you Missy, Thanks for posting this. Sometimes some posts make me crazy, which inspired that big long post that I wrote not long ago. But I agree, if someone is 'riding the crazy train' I just dont reply. which, by the way Missy, Ive never seen you aboard I wouldnt visit this board as often as I do, and definately wouldnt call it close to home, if it was arguementative and confrontational. I love JM for the support and kindness of the women here.

[missy123]

Originally Posted by tobi4

But I agree, if someone is 'riding the crazy train' I just dont reply. which, by the way Missy, Ive never seen you aboard .

I usually hide in the back with the grey wig and walker

What thread did you write, what did I miss? Link please!

[tobi4]

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...-m-c-ment.html (Lets remember who we really are, not what we may become.(non spec. preg and m/c ment)

Im not sure if that worked ...

At the time there was a lot of angry posts going around, it was making me unhappy to be here, and I figured that if my post didnt go over well, it was ok, because I didnt want to come and see so much hate going around. Its contagious. It was spreading, I needed it to stop because I love my JM ladies, and was so saddened by what was happening .... anyways, you get the idea.

[MeganMomof5]

I love love love your post Missy! I agree that JM is a very nice place...I've been around mommy message boards since 2001, and I no longer visit any of them because of how mean people were (some after I even became good "friends" with them)...I'm older now, and I don't have time for drama LOL...I do however find myself sitting on my hands sometimes, not just on this board, but all around JM (I like to lurk when i'm bored)...I don't like causing drama, and sometimes i'm just nice about things just so drama isn't started...So yeah I agree with you on everything you said

[ohnicole]

I'm sure that there are all times when we just skip over a post because it strikes a nerve with us and we don't want to start an argument. I know it's true for me. All of the ladies here are so nice, and that's why we all love it here.

But honestly, sometimes what frustrates me is that it feels like we're all trying to just cover up our sadness and anger with niceness and hope and smilies. And I don't mean when people are lashing out at other people, but just when we are angry at life and the unfairness of it all. Sometimes we just need to vent and accept that we have those feelings, as ugly as they are. If we don't accept them and we just hide them under a , how will we ever get past any of this?

I guess I've been holding my tongue, too, Missy

[skyebl47]

newbie here and I have been on many mommy boards some I even paid to be on and since I found this place in May I decide that I was going to stay around for a while because you are all really trying to get that rainbow baby and supportive in doing it. I was very surprised that people did respond to my post it makes me hopeful and not feel like I'm on the crazy train.

[missy123]

Originally Posted by skyebl47

newbie here and I have been on many mommy boards some I even paid to be on and since I found this place in May I decide that I was going to stay around for a while because you are all really trying to get that rainbow baby and supportive in doing it. I was very surprised that people did respond to my post it makes me hopeful and not feel like I'm on the crazy train.

Oh you are not on the crazy train because of what you have been through or what you are feeling. We all honestly understand each other. I can say that I have never not related to anyone's feelings about their loss(es). We are sad you are here with us because of what you have gone through, but glad you found us!

I ride the crazy train just because I am nuts and love it!

[mmllhh]

Sometimes peoples posts bother me, but i realize that people handle things differently than everyone else. We have a common bond with out losses but we are all different.
Missy-I've never considered you a passenger on the crazy train.

and to be truthful, with the pain of loss we are allowed a trip on the train from time to time. But, if I find that someone is continually "out there" i don't respond, i don't want to feed the crazy. KWIM?

and I think we can sniff out a troll withing the first couple of posts. and they are the conductors of the crazy train. Who would do that? and why? and I don't want to call them out on it, because i think that they would get some sick satisfaction out of it.

[missy123]

Sorry Michelle, let me clarify. I don't ride THAT crazy train... It is engine #5 that I hop on board sometimes

Ok, I need sleep. Goodnight ladies. Have good dreams everyone.

[Brittanie]

Honestly, even here on JM I've seen some really not-nice stuff. I had some aimed at me, and that's why I don't post in Erin's PR anymore. And there's a particular lady in Patrick's that just drives me up the wall with her "the right way to do things is my way and everyone else is wrong" attitude.

Generally, I just ignore it. I don't like being in arguments. I try to treat people the way I want them to treat me, and I don't like mean things said to me. Though, there are times when I tell people that what they are saying is inappropriate/rude, but it's usually only when it really hits a nerve, as in, when Cora is involved.

Generally, though, I love it here. I think the loss boards are nicer than the regular boards, actually. I guess when we've all been through what we've been through we realize how unimportant some things are.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I agree totally Missy.

[shen7]

I have also noticed that the loss boards are nicer... I think it's partly that we're nice people but we also try to be kind to one another, because we know that we have all been through a lot of pain. I also think that TTCAL is special, even for JM.

I think JM is pretty well organized... like the cloth diaper ladies can all get together and talk about how evil sposies are, without offending everyone else, on their own forum... etc. The DDCs and PRs seem a little more free-for-all. I was annoyed at my DDC for awhile because LisaG started a thread suggesting a stickied DDC Angels thread, which is a GREAT idea, but someone said they didn't want a thread to remember the DDC's losses, basically because it would be a "downer". I left a pretty strongly worded post on that thread, which I hoped was not unkind, but just saying that was messed up and wrong. It upset me that someone would even think that way, but I guess when you haven't had losses, it's easy to be insensitive.

It's nice to be with ladies who know where you're coming from... I honestly wish that PAL was more active and more like TTCAL... anyway, I guess I'll shut up now I'm writing an encyclopedia here

[Pitridge]

There are threads that I don't post, sometimes i just don't have anything nice to say, I always been told "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". I do agree, that the loss boards are much nicer than maybe other boards. I actually love all the boards that I go to, all the ladies have always been nice and supportive.

[zkat]

Missy - first if you were driving the crazy train - we would tell you!

I tend to weigh the entire tone of the thread.

1) If it is an educated discussion with differing view points, then I will post my opinion, if it is somewhat different from the majority (ex - a discussion on vaccinations in my DDC)

2) If I think it is someone looking for attention, be melodramatic or a troll, I totally ignore it (ex - the Laura chick drama or the posts "I got a BFP at 3 DPO")

3) If my viewpoint is waaaayyyy out in left field (which it is a lot) from the entire thread, and the tone of the posts seem as if the parties are not really interested in a discussion, they would rather just convince themselves how right they are about it, then I also ignore those threads.

I lurk on Thebump for pure entertainment purposes and they are not so nice over there. I think in general, the mods and hosts keep everything civil and nice and set a tone of respect. The respect is what makes it seem almost overly civil, because we don't have the flame wars that you see on other forums.

[ldovey83]

Missy this is a good post.. I am going to say that I have never run into any problems on this board.. All of you ladies are great in here and a few other boards.. I am with Brittanie though.. We had some problems in our PR when the LO's were younger, and I even wound up leaving for a while. Now I we are a close group, even though we still have our touchy subjects.. Thanks for sharing this..

[dreamer10]

Missy....your just awesome! I think there are some of the nicest people on the interent here on this site. I think sometimes we are just that nice because we don't want to disrupt the mood, but sometimes it's because we read a post that sounds a little crazy and we just don't respond because we know where the person is coming from. Now, I am not talking about a particular subject, but the person themselves. Why are we on this forum? Because we have been pregnant and we have lost. Lost our pregnancies, babies and children. On some of the other boards there are women, like us, who are desperately trying to get pregnant, or come to terms with multiple loss. That kind of thing takes it toll on us and I think we all have our good days, and our bad days. I think as we scroll through posts when we find a crazy train day for someone we all have a pang of sympathy just because we have all felt that way. Sometimes we can even have empathy.

Then there's those people that no matter what day it is its a "crazy train" day. There was one of those in my last ddc and it ruined the club for me. I got to the point where I just decided not to post there anymore, even when I was pregnant. I try to avoid those people all together because just reading their post makes me want to strangle someone, and I don't want to lose the friendship of people like you guys over a moment of anger for some really stupid person!

It's really good to acknowledge though that even though we are so dang nice to each other, we also have our weaknesses. And I think it's really important to be careful of those that are more or less just screwed up and are here to take advantage of us or our feelings. I am glad we have each others backs! But...I have to say that I dont mind when someone calls me on the carpet at times....Missy...I hope were close enough that when I need an earful you give it to me! I can be pretty dramatic at times and it's ok to hear it! Honesty is good, I think, as long as it comes out of kindness....

[luvmykids623]

Originally Posted by dreamer10

Missy....your just awesome! I think there are some of the nicest people on the interent here on this site. I think sometimes we are just that nice because we don't want to disrupt the mood, but sometimes it's because we read a post that sounds a little crazy and we just don't respond because we know where the person is coming from. Now, I am not talking about a particular subject, but the person themselves. Why are we on this forum? Because we have been pregnant and we have lost. Lost our pregnancies, babies and children. On some of the other boards there are women, like us, who are desperately trying to get pregnant, or come to terms with multiple loss. That kind of thing takes it toll on us and I think we all have our good days, and our bad days. I think as we scroll through posts when we find a crazy train day for someone we all have a pang of sympathy just because we have all felt that way. Sometimes we can even have empathy.

Then there's those people that no matter what day it is its a "crazy train" day. There was one of those in my last ddc and it ruined the club for me. I got to the point where I just decided not to post there anymore, even when I was pregnant. I try to avoid those people all together because just reading their post makes me want to strangle someone, and I don't want to lose the friendship of people like you guys over a moment of anger for some really stupid person!

It's really good to acknowledge though that even though we are so dang nice to each other, we also have our weaknesses. And I think it's really important to be careful of those that are more or less just screwed up and are here to take advantage of us or our feelings. I am glad we have each others backs! But...I have to say that I dont mind when someone calls me on the carpet at times....Missy...I hope were close enough that when I need an earful you give it to me! I can be pretty dramatic at times and it's ok to hear it! Honesty is good, I think, as long as it comes out of kindness....

You said that so well Julie!!