Introduction

#1 November 18th, 2010, 08:47 PM

I don't know if we are going to TTC or what but I just felt like coming over here because I know some of my fellow May 2011 DDC mommies came over here so I wanted to just follow some people I know since I feel so lost right now.

This is my first loss ever. Tonight I had some red bleeding and went to the ER. It turns out my baby passed away almost two weeks ago (I should have been 13 weeks 2 days). I am waiting to naturally miscarry, we are in no rush and they think that I may be beginning the process because of my bleeding. Our pregnancy was unplanned but we both got really used to the idea of having three children, two close in age, and I feel that to fill that void we're now feeling...we'll end up wanting to hold another baby in our arms. I know we'll never get back this baby...but I think we will still have this desire to have that third baby that we didn't originally intend to have so soon. I made my college and career plans around that baby. That baby became real in that our lives were being built around it.

I'm sorry for rambling. My name is Tiffany. I'm 23, married to James, mommy to two daughters already, and hoping for a boy next go round because it will be our last baby and I'd like a chance at raising both genders. I don't know where to go from here but something told me that I'd be here at some point.

msshamis23 · #2 November 18th, 2010, 08:53 PM

I'm sorry for your loss Tiffany. It's never easy--whether you are trying or not I think.

This is the best place you could have come to though. These girls have become closer to me then some of my family members, and they are the best ever.

I'm Amy--though I suppose that's kind of obvious by looking in my siggy.

yellowbird · #3 November 18th, 2010, 10:12 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was due in May as well and just suffered a missed m/c this week. Don't give up! Everyone here is so incredibly kind and supportive, you'll be glad you joined.

Brittanie · #4 November 18th, 2010, 10:29 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been hanging out here since June and am only actually ttc this cycle, so you're very welcome here.

My loss was my first child, Cora Rei who was stillborn at 38 weeks. It changes you forever, unfortunately.

StaceygirlPa · #5 November 19th, 2010, 02:47 AM

Sorry for your loss Tiffany.

avasmom603 · #6 November 19th, 2010, 07:15 AM

I remember you from the May DDC. I am so very sorry for your loss.

You will find these women here absolutely wonderful. They are very supportive and you can find some comfort coming here knowing that they've been there, done that.

missy123 · #7 November 19th, 2010, 07:36 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts beyond belief. I was due in May as well. ((Hugs)) Feel free to vent away, I have been a member of this board for 2 years and all the girls are awesome.

Toots216 · #8 November 19th, 2010, 07:53 AM

I remember you from the May DDC too....so sorry you are joining us, but hopefully your stay will be a short one!
I naturally miscarried as well, and although mine was at 7 weeks, I'm more than happy to answer any questions you may have.

Also, I can tell you, you WILL feel better, it will just take some time.
Hang in there!

*SamF* · #9 November 19th, 2010, 09:04 AM

I'm so sorry Tiffany!! I just sent you an IM to suggest you come over here.

I hope your stay is short over here.

Erin84 · #10 November 19th, 2010, 09:20 AM

I'm so sorry you're here, Tiffany. I haven't been here very long, but I feel like I've found another family here. Everyone's very supportive, it's a nice place to land.

tobi4 · #11 November 19th, 2010, 09:24 AM

Tiffany, Im so sorry for your loss. Welcome to our board, the women are wonderful. Feel free to laugh, cry, yell... whatever you need to do, its a safe place here. ~hugs, I wish I could help to make it easier for you.

#12 November 19th, 2010, 10:01 AM

Well the midwife just called to say that she thinks that I'm going to need a D&C (well she calls it a D&E, they all seem to over here). She said that my baby at almost 12 weeks is just going to be too big to miscarry and it will probably cause too much bleeding and I will end up in the hospital. I am really not looking forward to getting the same procedure done as when people get abortions. It's just going to make me feel so wrong. I have this strong feeling that even though I'm not very religious, God wouldn't want me to do something like that...

*Tracy* · #13 November 19th, 2010, 10:16 AM

tiffany im so sorry for ur loss
i just had a d&c on monday as i too had a missed m/c my baby died at 5 weeks and i was "8" weeks i opted for the d&c as when i had a missed m/c last time my body couldnt let pass the placenta so i had to have surgery after 2 days of heavy bleeding and clots it was the best option for me as i had 2 kids to look after and i wanted life to get back to some normality and try to get passed it, this time round i already started bleeding but i asked for the d&c straight way and had it the same day and was home by 7pm with little bleeding and felt fine i no its hard but how would u cope looking after the girls if u are in pain and bleeding bad?
of course the decision is up to u and no one can force u into anything u will make the right decision for yourself

yellowbird · #14 November 19th, 2010, 10:36 AM

I totally understand not wanting to go the D&C route. Only you know what to do and don't let anyone bully you into something you're not ready for.

#15 November 19th, 2010, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Tracy*

how would u cope looking after the girls if u are in pain and bleeding bad?

My husband has off of work until further notice.

missy123 · #16 November 19th, 2010, 10:50 AM

While you may feel it is wrong please also think of YOU. If you bleed too heavy then you could hemorrhage and die yourself. If you ever get to a point where you are bleeding more than 1 pad an hour rush yourself to the ER.

I bled real heavy with my last loss and thank goodness I have the friends here that I do as they told me to go to the Emergency Room. I was losing so much blood that if I had not gone I would not be here to type this. I had the D&E done and while mentally I was a mess, physically it was best.

((Hugs)) we all understand how hard all of this is. I am so sorry.

MeganMomof5 · #17 November 19th, 2010, 12:55 PM

I'm sorry to have to welcome you to this group Tiffany!

As far as not wanting a D&C because it's the same thing as an abortion, I thought the same thing...It was something that I didn't want to do...I've since had a couple D&C and a natural miscarriage, and i'd say the natural miscarriage was way harder...One thing about the D&C is you don't remember any of it, and you can get it over wtih and move on...Sometimes waiting to miscarry in a missed miscarriage can take so long...I also hemorrhaged after my D&C (for another reason) and it's something I hope someone never had go through, it was really hard...I was told by my doctor that it wasn't safe to miscarry on your own at home farther along in the pregnancy. (((Hugs)))

#18 November 19th, 2010, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeganMomof5

I'm sorry to have to welcome you to this group Tiffany!

As far as not wanting a D&C because it's the same thing as an abortion, I thought the same thing...It was something that I didn't want to do...I've since had a couple D&C and a natural miscarriage, and i'd say the natural miscarriage was way harder...One thing about the D&C is you don't remember any of it, and you can get it over wtih and move on...Sometimes waiting to miscarry in a missed miscarriage can take so long...I also hemorrhaged after my D&C (for another reason) and it's something I hope someone never had go through, it was really hard...I was told by my doctor that it wasn't safe to miscarry on your own at home farther along in the pregnancy. (((Hugs)))

Ugh it feels nice to be able to talk to you Megan, as horrible as the situation is. I spent so many times crying over your babies for you and now you're advising me on my own baby. I even sent you that quote in my siggy on FB because it's always made me cry and now more than ever.

Joanna1127 · #19 November 19th, 2010, 04:28 PM

So sorry for your loss.

I completely agree with what you said about your life completely changing when finding out you were expecting. I did that and felt like everything was ripped right out from under me when it happened.

I was also due in May and lost my baby around 8 weeks. I opted for a d&c because like others said, I really wanted it done with so I could try and move on. I was also afraid of the pain and blood loss that could come along with the natural m/c. Please make the choice you feel most comfortable with.

BIG HUGS!

asunflower · #20 November 19th, 2010, 04:35 PM

I have had 4 D&C's and also a natural miscarriage all in the past year. I would take a D&C over a natural miscarriage any day. You feel out of control and have no idea what to expect and when it will be over and you could potentially still need the D&C anyway if you do not pass all of the tissue. You need to do what is best for you and what will help you to heal. I am sorry you are going through this. It is not easy and each day you wait seems like an eternity.