[Pame£a]

I'm on day 3 of dealing with salmonella poisoning and this morning my dh came to me and asked me if we could hold off on trying for another baby.

I just lost it. I said I guess I misread what he was saying and his actions such as we need to get jiggy with it. Buy the fertility monitor and I'll go pick it up, yes, order the 40 sticks for it, seems like it's cheaper to buy 2 pregnancy tests so yeah do that.

I've even shared with him what our due date might be and he was happy. We've discussed that we won't be sharing the news with anyone due to lack of support, well his mum and dad would but they would worry. We've talked so much baby stuff.

and then this

I just haven't felt the same today and I'm so sad. So I packed up the little stash that I just bought and wasted a load of money on and put away in the closet. Then he asks me if I'm upset with him....YES! I told him he built my hopes up and now nothing. He claims he has always been 50/50 on it. yeah, that was before we decided. So then he says give it a few days and lets see how I feel so you need to keep monitoring your cycle so we'll know.

Hello, so I can get my hopes up again and then you take them away?

I'm so sorry to complain, he is an amazing husband and friend but this has really set me off and I need to get it off to someone. I know he feels bad and now I feel that if he does decide to go with it, it will be because he's afraid of upsetting me and I can't deal with that either. We have to be on the same page or I dont see it working.

sorry again ladies and sorry I haven't been on much, hopefully will feel better over the weekend.

[tobi4]

Im sorry DH is being so on again off again with knowing what he wants. He really doesnt understand the roller coaster he sets you on. Hopefully you both can sort it all through and work on ttc together!! The way we need it to be!

[*SamF*]

I'm sorry your DH is being wishy washy with you. I've been there too. I hope you guys can get on the same page!

[Erin84]

Sounds like you guys need to have a biiiiig talk. Once you've had a chance to calm down, sit him down and let him know you just need to know the truth, don't be afraid to be honest. Ask him what he would look forward to about being a father right now, and what he would be afraid of. Find out what's making him go back and forth. Then do your best to help allay those fears. Money? Write out a budget and show him there's plenty. Etc. I hope he comes around. If I were you honestly I'd just keep monitoring, it sounds like a case of cold feet, especially since he told you to keep monitoring "just in case." Let him know that being honest with you is safe, that you love him, you just want to understand his fears better

[Lisap2008]

I know how you feel , I went though the same. I found out in my case it was the pressure on him to perform that was putting a strain on my marriage.

Did you ask him why he wants to take a break from TTC?. if its due to your salmonella poisoning then thats understandable. you want to be in the best health possible when you conceive a baby.

[*Tracy*]

[Pame£a]

Thanks ladies but I just don't see it happening. He's not even recognizing that he agreed to ttc and encouraging me to buy my stash. I think that makes it even harder. I was so upset last night I spent most of it on the couch and told him that he broke my heart.

He came to me this morning and said he wanted to try but without the monitor and charting. He said that if it's God's will it will be. He said the same thing right after we got married and we had a rough first few months with him being a dad to my son. We never tried, we were married for nearly 2 years before having Ethanael.

I've been praying every night about having peace with what happened to Elijah and I didn't even want to try for another, didn't have the yearning because the fear was too great for another T21 diagnosis. Then about 2 weeks ago, I felt the desire to have one more. I feel that I was given that desire and then out of the blue, someone nearby had this monitor for £25!!!! It took us 18 months to get pregnant with Gabriella after our early mc in 2006. I never once even thought of getting one of these monitors. To me, these are answered prayers. I have no idea what my body is doing now after such a late loss.

Anyway, I obviously won't be around much but will follow you all and I do keep you all in my evening prayers.

Thanks for making me feel welcome and for the support.

[Celena]

My husband has "gone on the fence" about it and allot of times it was because of his hurt from our losses... his fear of losing his wife to depression, grief and devestation, hurt that he couldn't fix or know what to do anything about. It was many things that made him "go on the fence" Have some patience with his wishy washiness, he may be driving you crazy or hurting your feelings but I don't think that's his intentions. He's more than likely thinking he would be protecting your feelings.

[Celena]

Dang I just re-read my post and there's a huge gap in the middle missing...

I was talking about how DH's get turned off by the fertility and cycle talk allot. It puts too much pressure on doing it to "make a baby" and it takes the passion out of it. Happens to us as well, at least it has for me and I couldn't get into it because my head was not into enjoying the love making as much as it was "it's bd time"

Try to avoid cycle talk with him unless he wants to know... or let him keep track by checking your monitor instead of y'all talking about it. Or leave an opk on the counter and teach him how to read it if he wants to learn tho. Otherwise I'd avoid all the talk with him.... he'll come around when he's ready they're such different creatures than us

[lindsey2000k]

Im sorry he is being a pain in the butt. My DH does the same things to me. When I had my last miscarriage his responce was he was going to get a vasectomy. But now he is on board with it... I think it was just his way of greaving.

I do all my charting and OKP's and never tell or show him.
He also does not want to talk about it.... But when all the sudden we are doing the baby dance every night I think he knows whats up..lol