James is saying that he wants the test done to see why this happened to our baby. I don't. If it comes back that it was just a freak thing, nothing was wrong, I'm going to feel at fault. Most of the people I talk to had losses at 6,8,9 weeks...but my baby was almost 12 weeks old. We engage in very very rough sexplay, I hold my breath to get rid of my hiccups, I've never been big on prenatals (with *any* of my kids, I just suck at remembering), I stress constantly (I'm bipolar), I pick up both of my kids all the time and they're 17 and 27 pounds...

I mean there are a million different things to make me feel at fault and the fact that my baby died so late makes me feel like it's surely something I did. If we get the test, he might get his "oh it was Trisomy" or something closure...but I may end up feeling more guilty in the end.

Any advice or opinions or anything?

[MeganMomof5]

I think feeling guilty is a normal thing to feel, I always did after all of my losses...honestly i'm not sure if they would test the baby any way...It's your first loss...I had an autopsy on Ella, but my 2nd baby lost in the 2nd trimester they didn't test, same with my 3rd...I would talk to your doctor, but usually they don't do it on your first loss, and I think sometimes not even on your 2nd.

[yellowbird]

Guilt is a normal, perfectly human part of any grieving process. You're always going to ask yourself, "Why?" and "What if?" Nothing you did caused your loss. The majority of losses cannot be prevented, if not all. Having sex, picking up your kids, or even forgetting to take your vitamins had nothing to do with it. I know it's hard to feel otherwise though. I've been there twice.

Has your doctor recommended getting any bloodwork done? If not, I would still ask about it and definitely consider it. Hang in there. It doesn't seem like it now, but I promise it does get better with time. We all know too well how you're feeling and you're not alone.

[lindsey2000k]

Guilt is a very normal thing.
I had my 10 year reunion and got really drunk and did not know I was 4.5 weeks pregnant at the time (my periods are never normal). I lost the baby 5 weeks later and I am totally blamming it on that.
I had a miscarriage 4 years ago and I was a smoker and I blammed that one on smoking (BTW I quit after that miscarriage).

I do think its just something that happens and maybe sometimes it is easier to blame it on something.

[dreamer10]

Guilt is a very normal emotion, however you will have to work it out either way. I lost my last baby at 13 weeks and they never could find any reasons as to why. It just happened. My sister told me that we need to love him, remember him and try to be happy despite everything because if not we might lose the message he had for us. And he did have one. No one is given life without there being meaning to it. And to me life is life no matter how far along you are. I am so sorry about your tragic loss and I hope and pray for your piece of mind and comfort right now.

Originally Posted by yellowbird

Has your doctor recommended getting any bloodwork done?

I can't even manage to get a hold of a doctor. I'm just going to try my home state on Monday (NJ) because I've never been able to reach anyone here in PA!