Problems about TTC w/dh after a miscarriage?

sadie97007 · #1 November 20th, 2010, 02:55 PM

Has anyone had problems with your dh/so changing his mind about ttc after a miscarriage? I starting talking to my dh about a year ago about ttc. He was not 100% on board at the time. I left it at that, did not pressure him, hardly mentioned anything about it again after I made my case. He eventually, on his own, agreed that he wanted to try for a 3rd baby. Needless to say, I was ecstatic! Well, my D&C was 2 weeks ago on Monday. We had a lot of emotional drama surrounding this loss that lasted for almost a month. It was a trying time for both of us. I've never had a miscarriage before and we were told that I had a molar pregnancy which turned out to not be true (thank goodness). So now, I just want to talk to him about ttc, and though I feel that we will try again with his acceptance, he is very much on the fence again like he was about the beginning of us talking about ttc? I know that he is hurt, that he is scared, that him not wanting to talk about ttc for a little bit is his way of dealing with this and my way is to plan for the future. Have any of you been through the same situation? Did your dh/so jump right back onto the ttc train, or did it take him awhile to make that decision again? Did you say anything about it, or did you just back off?

ashj_1218 · #2 November 20th, 2010, 03:39 PM

Hmmm, I have never been in this situation. My DH was on board with TTC again in the first place and then has been there with me for the 4 miscarriages ride. He is still okay with us trying, even though I have been psycho all summer

I would say, in this case, back off for a couple months. As much as you might want to push him to TTC, I would gather he needs a little time to let things calm down and then make your case again. Simply and gently (that you realize now, more than ever, you do want a third child and would like to do so as soon as he is ready) and then leave him to think on it again. You might be surprised and he will okay it right away, having been given time and space to deal with the loss. Or he might need another couple months.

I am of the mind that it never helps to "dwell" on it. That never seems to help anyone. I would try to enjoy this quieter time and then bring it back up. So sorry you are having to go through this. It is not something we would wish on anyone

lindsey2000k · #3 November 20th, 2010, 03:40 PM

Mine did not want to talk about it and his responce was Vasectomy (this is my second miscarriage) I had my first in 2006, Daughter 2007, Another miscarriage a month ago.

I talked him into letting me try but he get wishy washy about it.

Lisap2008 · #4 November 20th, 2010, 09:27 PM

After our first M/C in 08 my DH was on board for several months we TTC but when we saw it was not happening for us again was when he backed off a bit, then we found out we were dealing with low counts, so it was a miracle it ever happened at all. basically my DH got sick of taking tons of meds to try and raise his count and started feeling like we were only BD to make a baby thats when he said he wanted to take a break from TTC.

My DH did not want to even talk about TTC anymore
so I stopped talking about it , stopped thinking about it , and got a surprise BFP last week. it ended in a chemical, but now he is on board for trying for another baby , I think it gave him hope that we can conceive .so in my situation it was the opposite. but I would not push TTC if he is against it. I would just let him know how you feel and I am sure when he softens up to TTC again you will know.

ldovey83 · #5 November 21st, 2010, 08:04 AM

I am sure your DH will come around again once he heals.. My DH after our 4th loss has decided that he dosen't want to try again right now.. So we aren't trying currently.. It was very hurtful when he told me that he wasnt ready for another one, and so I am sitting and waiting.. HUGS

MeganMomof5 · #6 November 21st, 2010, 08:21 AM

I think that I would just give him a little time, even though it's very hard...My DH has been on the fence about TTC after each of our losses...I think he just hates seeing me go through so much...Thankfully he came around after we talked things over and we had some time to heal...I hope he comes around and you are able to TTC soon!

Joanna1127 · #7 November 21st, 2010, 06:31 PM

My fiance and I started trying right away. He was hesistant at first though, because he told me he didn't want to have to go through that again(the loss). He said it affected him a whole lot more than I thought. I guess he had reservations about it and still does to a point, but we are going ahead anyways.