What would you have done?

Lynley · #1 November 21st, 2010, 07:22 AM

So we saw my BIL, SIL, and their kids yesterday. My niece loves to draw, so she makes a big production of presenting everyone with the pictures she drew for us. Well, she drew a picture of a baby for DH and me....I didn't know what to do. My BIL and SIL know about the m/c, of course - but I don't know if they told the kids, so I didn't want to tell my niece the truth in that setting. I'm not mad at my niece - she didn't know any better. But I'm furious with my SIL for not having the sensitivity to not let my niece give that picture to me - I mean, SIL had a m/c a few years ago, so she knows what it's like! It's like I feel like I'm getting over everything, looking towards the future - and then something like this happens and takes me right back to square one.

What do you ladies think? Am I overreacting?

tobi4 · #2 November 21st, 2010, 07:36 AM

I dont think you are over reacting. I simply think you are reacting to a very recent loss, which is still very painful for you. You never know what a child is thinking, maybe a picture of a baby is what she thinks you need right now. Loss is something that children and adults experience very differently. She could have thought it would make you happy. (I have no idea how old she is, but that would be totally typical of a young child) If it were me I would pack that picture up along with the other momentos I had of bean. A memory of my baby, from a child I love.
You arent over reacting, just like all of us, you are very sensitive and aware of your hurt, in everything you encounter. Im sorry its so hard.

ldovey83 · #3 November 21st, 2010, 07:58 AM

I don't think you are overreacting.. Tobi said it very nicely.. I think the recent loss still hurts.. There are still things to this day that still get under my skin and upset me.. I lost my last baby in Aug.. I wanted to offer hugs.. Hang in there hun..

Brittanie · #4 November 21st, 2010, 09:03 AM

I agree with Tobi. However, I agree, that your SIL should maybe have told your niece about how it might hurt because you aren't having your baby anymore. It's not your place to explain about your loss to your niece, it's her mother's. Out of respect for you, she should have done that.

Erin84 · #5 November 21st, 2010, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobi4

I dont think you are over reacting. I simply think you are reacting to a very recent loss, which is still very painful for you. You never know what a child is thinking, maybe a picture of a baby is what she thinks you need right now. Loss is something that children and adults experience very differently. She could have thought it would make you happy. (I have no idea how old she is, but that would be totally typical of a young child) If it were me I would pack that picture up along with the other momentos I had of bean. A memory of my baby, from a child I love.
You arent over reacting, just like all of us, you are very sensitive and aware of your hurt, in everything you encounter. Im sorry its so hard.

She said it all, nothing more I can add. This is perfect.

ohnicole · #6 November 22nd, 2010, 10:25 AM

Huge hugs, that is such a hard situation. I agree with Tobi that your niece only had good intentions, but I also think that it's your SIL and BIL's responsibility to protect you from that. They should have had a conversation with your niece about how people deal with loss and come up with a better way to handle the whole situation. At the very least they could have sent the picture to you with a letter, letting you know what was inside so you could open it in private when you were ready. I'm sorry