Girls, can I vent? (OT)

msshamis23 · #1 November 23rd, 2010, 08:39 AM

So my DH is very into cars. Old american muscle cars. Well today, guess what showed up on my front porch? A 71 Camaro. It's in such bad shape that it's basically pretty much the body of the car, and even some parts of that will need to be replaced. It's gonna take about 15,000 dollars to make the thing even drivable, and when it is drivable I won't be able to drive it. So that will give him three cars (he also has an 80 z28 camaro which is his main car right now, and a 57 chevy truck that needs about as much work as the one he just bought and me zero. I won't be able to drive his cars for two reasons: One- They are all stick shift and I do not like to drive stick. I know how, but I will never be fully comfortable with driving them, especially with all the hills and such around here, Two-He doesn't trust me to drive such 'classic' cars without me ruining them, or getting in an accident.

Why does he get three cars that are basically gas, and money hogs, and I can't even have one? Why do I always have to ask my dad for rides places when I need to go somewhere, and he'll have three cars that eventually he can use and go anywhere he dang well pleases? I wasn't asking for much in a car, just as long as it ran, and got decent gas milage. But at the same time he always told me he'd get me a car (his type of a car. Meaning old american muscle, which I like some of them, but I don't need a car to show off to his friends) Now I know all of our extra money is gonna go into these gas guzzlers, just to make them run. We can afford a few parts here in then, if we forgo going out to eat, getting anything for us in general. And that will put us even further back in even hoping to get me a car. Ugh.

My grandpa gave us some money for Christmas, and I was gonna give him the money to pick out a gift, but now I think i'm gonna just get the Christmas gifts for him myself. My parents agree. I'm so mad right now--and while I fully support his hobby, but since I'm in charge of the financials and he basically has no clue as to whats going on he has no idea whether we can afford this or not. Which is NOT. I mean some of these parts are gonna cost 500+ in one get go. NO WAY can we afford that. NO WAY!

Sorry girls, just had to get this out of my system. This week has been hard enough, he had to go and make it worse.......

lindsey2000k · #2 November 23rd, 2010, 09:39 AM

Im sorry my husband does that same crap all the time.
My D&E hospital bill came and I have to make payments and freaking out about that. Hubby goes and by some $500.00 remote control car with extra money from work.
WTH I could have put that and paid off the anistesiology part of the bill.

*SamF* · #3 November 23rd, 2010, 09:46 AM

I'm sorry. Men can be so clueless. My ex was like that.

Anyway you can tell him that no parts will be bought until you have something you can drive, and start shopping for a car yourself?

ohnicole · #4 November 23rd, 2010, 10:02 AM

I'm sorry he's acting like that, Amy

I would be really mad if my DH acted like that. I say just keep the Christmas money for yourself

MeganMomof5 · #5 November 23rd, 2010, 10:33 AM

ugh i'm so sorry Amy...I don't think it's right that you don't have a car..I would tell him that you need a car FIRST before he gets to restore another car...There's no reason why you can't have a normal car, so you are able to go where you need to go...Men *eyeroll*

missy123 · #6 November 23rd, 2010, 11:27 AM

I agree with Sam - Tell him no car parts until you get a car.

I would not put up with that kind of selfish behavior. A marriage is all about compromise and making sure both needs are met.

msshamis23 · #7 November 23rd, 2010, 12:46 PM

Thanks girls. It's good to know that I'm not making a big deal over nothing. The thing is though, is that I CAN'T say anything without him freaking out. I can't even mention, 'oh why did you do this without consulting me?' he'd totally just freak and cause a huge fight, (and my parents agree) So I basically just have to bite my tongue and pretend everything is hunky dory. I also half want to take back what i've gotten him for Christmas already, and just say--the car is your Christmas gift. But I also know that's vindictive of me, and I'm not like that.

But he just sealed the deal. I'm not telling him about the money, and i'm not giving him any (if I told him, he'd think it was a free for all on car parts and i'd see zero dollars of it) and i'll maybe get him one or two more things--but other than that, I'm seeing this car as his Christmas.

As for no car parts, he works in a car parts store that gives employees charge accounts, so he can buy something without his bank card, and it would automatically dock the amount out of his next paycheck. It really wouldn't work.

Pitridge · #8 November 23rd, 2010, 12:52 PM

Amy.....I been thinking about this all morning......You need a car. He either gets one for you to drive or you go and get yourself one. Sorry....it's ridiculous, that he has 3 and you have none. Is he always willing to drive you around everywhere you want to go whenever you want to go?

msshamis23 · #9 November 23rd, 2010, 12:54 PM

Patty- No, and when I ask he acts all put out. 'I just got comfortable, I don't wanna go anywhere' So I usually end up calling my dad and asking for a ride, or asking to use his jeep for a few hours. (Since we don't live anywhere near a store. Nor a bus system.....)

TnPhotoMama81 · #10 November 23rd, 2010, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missy123

I agree with Sam - Tell him no car parts until you get a car.

I would not put up with that kind of selfish behavior. A marriage is all about compromise and making sure both needs are met.

Ditto. I am sorry he is being so selfish. I would be pissed!

ldovey83 · #11 November 23rd, 2010, 03:07 PM

Amy I saw your post on facebook and was wondering what was going on.. Your DH sounds like mine to a T except that his hobbies are reptiles, and working out.. I agree that you should be able to talk about it, but my DH is the same way and just gets worked up over nothing.. I too am stuck with no car too so I totally know how you feel.. I hope things get better.. Definitely keep the money and don't say anything.. You deserve stuff for your self too..

.:Shortcake:. · #12 November 23rd, 2010, 03:38 PM

I agree with the other ladies. What happens when you get pregnant and need to go to the doctor? You shouldn't have to ask for a ride when he has 3. I would tell him that you need a car and he should sell one of his for you to have one. Hugs! This is totally not acceptable.

MeganMomof5 · #13 November 23rd, 2010, 03:42 PM

Honestly Amy, I think you should say something...I've been married for 11 years now (together for almost 13), and we've fought and fought so many times...I just think it's the way a marriage works (Not that fighting is good), but when you fight about things, it usually always gets worked out....If you let one spouse have their way, and then the other spouse starts to get resentful...You don't want him to be able to use his ability to freak out for everything...That's not what marriage is about...I really hope you get it worked out...I don't think it's right that he has 3 cars and your stuck at home with none

Brittanie · #14 November 23rd, 2010, 05:51 PM

I agree 100% with Megan right now. Avoiding the fight is enabling the behavior (I'm only just now learning this lesson with my sister). It will not get resolved and the situation will not change unless you stand up for yourself. This is not right and if you don't tell him, he just won't get it. He needs to be thinking about your needs before his wants, but unless you voice it (probably often and loudly), you won't get it.

Good luck sweetie.