[Celena]

I wanted to ask where everyone is in their healing process?

How long ago was you loss and what have you come to peace with since your loss?

Have any positive ways of your healing process that you'd like to share with everyone that might help them in their stage of their process...

We have allot of new members and sometimes being that some of us have been here longer than them or might have more experiences to share, it might help answer some of their questions along with give them an idea of what the different stages / emotions are to feel a little less alone or that they are normal.

Thank you for sharing your stories in advance

Please don't feel obligated if you're not up for sharing, but thank you

[asunflower]

Well which loss should I start with. I have had 6 in a row. The latest was about a month and a half ago. Usually the best thing for me was to have the D&C right away so I could start the healing process. I then just focus on trying again ASAP. I am sad at times but my DS who is 3 brings me so much joy that I cannot be sad for him. He is my miracle and I keep that in mind each and everyday. So if you have other little ones, focus on them and the miracle of their life and know that you are blessed.

[ldovey83]

I have had 4 losses in a row the latest one being in Aug... In my healing I havnt gotten very far.. For the longest I was angry and I have cried some, but I am so mad that I have no answers and now have to wait even longer to get answers that I don't know when I can ever start to heal.. It is like my heart keeps getting ripped back open.. The last ones it helped to try to conceive again.. That brought alot of closure so I think that is probably one of my problems is not being able to try right now../Also I do thank God everyday for my son.. He always gives me hugs when I need them... HUGS to everyone and I am sorry to hear about your losses..

[Pitridge]

My loss was in Feb 2008, what helped me was to have the d&c (as mean as that might sound), I was able to move on and focus on TTC again, then I got pg with DS and he's all I focus on.

[.:Shortcake:.]

How long ago was you loss and what have you come to peace with since your loss? Since my first loss it has been almost 2 years (December 15th). I'm not sure I'll ever be at peace with it but I can tell you that my determination to be a mother out-weighs my fear of trying.

Have any positive ways of your healing process that you'd like to share with everyone that might help them in their stage of their process... Honestly I was in denial for a LONGGGG time. And it wasn't healthy. I just didn't want to admit to myself what happened. But now you can't get me to stop. I talk about my babies and how much I miss them. I have memorials for them in my house. DH and I also have talked about things alot. He gets me more than anyone else so it helps talking to him.

[MeganMomof5]

It's been 13 months now since my 1st loss, 7 1/2 for my 2nd and 3 1/2 since my 3rd...I had a really hard time during the first year after I lost Ella...Not only for her loss, but then having 2 after was like salt in the wound...Since her first birthday has passed, i've actually been doing very well...I think getting over that hump of the 1st year mark really was hard, but once I got there things have been going well since...I think i've come to terms with my losses...It's happened, I can't change it, and the only thing I can do now is try to move on...I still think about all my babies often..I am no longer consumed by my thoughts, and what if's...The only thing I can do now is think about the future, and hope that I will have my rainbow baby soon....Some days are harder than others, and it's just something that's become apart of my life now, it's who I am...I think when the bad days are here, there's nothing I can do except take time for myself, and to cry if I need to...a year ago, I never thought i'd ever stop crying...I thought I couldn't go on living, but now I know that that's not true...My life is forever changed, but I think I can be happy again, it just wont be the same.

[ohnicole]

It's been 14 months since my loss... at this point I think I've mostly passed on from grieving the loss of my baby to grieving the fact that I am infertile. Since my loss I've been through all the emotions.... I was so overwhelmingly depressed for the first couple months, that gradually changed into anger, and eventually into a lingering sadness. I definitely still have my moments where I think about how old my little one would be or wish that I could be buying Christmas gifts for my little one or wish so hard that I had more to remember my little one by than a necklace and an u/s photo. I don't know that those feelings will ever go away, but over time they have definitely gone from being an overwhelming obsession to being in the background and just occasionally popping up. I don't think that anything I did helped speed along the process at all... we just need time I think.

As far as dealing with the fact that I haven't gotten another BFP yet, I am definitely in the bitter/angry/jealous/hopeless stage and have been there for months. I just feel like as long as I want to be a mom and think that it's possible, I can't let go of that anger. To let go of the anger I would have to let go of my need to be a mom. And the only thing that helps me get through is coming here and venting when I need to. Otherwise I would explode.

[BeccaM]

My loss was this past Feb - so about 9 months ago. I would say that Im in a better place now than what I was. I was very angry at first. DH even would say he was scared I was going to come home with someone else's baby or I was going to hurt a pregnant lady. Im not in that place anymore thank goodness. It took alot of talking with DH and friends/co-workers and just took time for me to work through all the emotions. I still have bad days but Im in a much better place. Right now its more of an anxious feeling of when...when will it be my turn..

[lindsey2000k]

My first loss was August 2006 at 7 weeks. I went on to have DD December 2007. Then I just had another loss Oct 2010.
I have to say really the only thing that got me over the first loss was just moving on and having hope that I can carry a baby to term. I never thought that I would have another loss because I was told that it is rare to have a loss after you have had a live birth.
The only thing keeping me strong this time is my DD and the hope of maybe one day getting pregnant again with no more losses.


-Hoping for a sticky bean this month and a August 2011 baby!!!

OH and I am trying to avoid Facebook right now because 3 of my friends got preganant with in the same week as me and I just do not want to hear about the growing bellys or that they just felt the baby move for the first time.

[*Tracy*]

my first loss was june 2008 and i really upset over it thinking why and how did it happen and blaiming myself ect i had a d&e and the best way for me to cope was to ttc again which we did and i got pregnant after my first af and had a healthy baby boy
my 2nd was last monday 15th november and i just wanted to have a d&e again and put it behind me, dont get me wrong i was upset and cried but i had 3 kids that needed me and they helped me take my mind off of it and again i plan on ttc straight away

[StaceygirlPa]

Dh and I have been trying for almost two years now. Our loss in July was really hard. This year has been a been a very rough year on me. I lost my mom in March and a aunt I was close to in June then peanut in July. I didn't think I would be able to handle the loss of peanut but my DH is a rock and he has helped me to get through all of my losses this past year. I know it sounds mean but when I was told by two different doctors peanut didn't have a heart beat I wanted the DC as fast as I could get it. I think having the DC so quick helped me to deal with the loss. I still can't talk about the loss of peanut with anyone but DH without tearing up. Having to wait couple of months before we can try again hasn't helped. I have alot of friends that are expecting now which is making it hard also. When I hear another friend is expecting I go through all the emotions and ask why couldn't peanut stick. The one thing that is giving me hope is my doctor given us the go ahead and try again. For all the new members try to keep communication on to your other half and let him help you through this time. Hugs to everyone.

[Pame£a]

My first loss was Aug 2006, I was 12 weeks. I had such a hard time with that loss but found healing in doing things for my lost baby. I planted a tree and put flowers around it. Then I found this gorgeous cross and my mil wrote a message on the back for him. It was placed by the tree. When we moved, we brought the cross with us and it's now hanging above our dd's bed. I have also made a scrapbook even though I can't look at it.

I lost Elijah 10 Sept 2010, he was 19 weeks gestation. He is classified as a late miscarriage but I consider him stillborn since I went through labor and delivery and got to hold him. I feel at peace with most things about losing him. At times, I feel I failed him. I say that mostly because as soon a I heard he down syndrome, I disconnected from him. I didn't talk to him as much, didn't hold my tummy as much. I still told him I loved him but I kept wanting to miscarry because I was so scared. and then he was gone......when I held him.....it was love at first sight.....I knew I could have done it. If we do get pregnant again, I will still have that fear but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I have found some amazing stories about people with down syndrome

My one true constant that gets me through is having God in my life. I'm trying to stregnthen that relationship and praying has given me such an amazing comforted feeling. I also have my 3 children and a very supportive family. I don't question why but seek guidance on how to heal and I do allow myself to greive. I'm very blessed in life and very rich in my heart and that really helps.

I'm so sorry that you ladies have had so many losses, you're all in my heart.

[*SamF*]

My first loss was over tow years ago now, which was quickly followed by two more, then my pregnancy with DS and the loss of his twin- so I had a total of 4 losses within a years time. Those have gotten better because of DS. Through all that darkness I ended up with a beautiful baby boy, who is my everything. I still think about the could have beens, but know that if they had been I wouldn't necessarily have him.

With my latest losses- the one in august because it was so early I tried to not let it get to me, but I think I may have set myself back a little healing from the my loss in October. Because I was able to have the D&C so quickly and knowing that we would be able to try again asap, I was letting go, until I found out the gender yesterday. Knowing that I think has renewed the whole sense of loss.
I'm trying to hold onto the fact that I know I can do this. I have one perfect little boy- so I know it is possible for me.

[luvmykids623]

My first loss was 5 years ago, my second was 3 years ago, and my latest was 2 months ago. I'm in a place of acceptance (for the most part) with the first two. I think of them every day, but time has helped. With this latest loss I go back and forth between being in a bad place and being okay... not good... but okay. The biggest problem I'm having with my healing is the three women I work with being due so close to me. One is due 2 days before I was, one 1 week after, and 1 two weeks after. When I was still waiting to recover from the d&c and for AF to return I was a mess! Now that we're at a point where we can try again some days I'm okay, some days I'm not. It's so hard to watch their growing bellies and know that I should be at that point too. Two of them just found out they are having girls. The one that is due 2 days before I was just had her gender u/s on Monday. Before I lost the baby we were on the same exact schedule for appts (we go to the same dr- OB and peri). I couldn't help but think that I would have been having my level II u/s on Monday too. I congratulated her on facebook and by text, but when I went into work yesterday I had to close my classroom door, because I couldn't stand to hear all the squeals of delight from my coworkers fawning all over her. It was too much for me to bear. I'm happy for all 3 of them, I really am. I pray for them and their babies every day, because I would never want anyone to have to experience what we've all felt. But, it's hard for me. I can't wait until April when all 3 of them go out on maternity leave and I don't have to see their big bellies every day. Hopefully by then I'll be pregnant too.

[Micksbabe]

I am actually feeling pretty good, it has been 3 months since my loss and we are actively TTC again which is scary but exciting at the same time

I have my days where I am sad when I think about how pregnant I would be etc. but it is getting better day by day!!

I don't post much but I read lots of your messages and you ladies have helped me to heal more than you know!! You are all so kind and giving and I am thankful for this board.

[LindseyE117]

It has been 2 months almost since my first and last loss. I am still not taking it well. My sister has 2 kids and one is 11 months old. She cannot take the stress from them and just had her tubes tied. I freaked! I am not taking it well.

I dunno. I cry still occassionally, then I am fine. I am still hurting though.