[missy123]

I need help ladies. My husbands mom died about 5 years ago and his dad died in March of this year. He has been acting out in anger (not towards me or the boys, but in work situations) for the past month and it came to a head when I noticed it and said something to him. We both raised our voices and then calmed down. After about 15 minutes he apologized to me if he embarrassed me in any way for being rude to his co workers in front of me and he really did not realize how he has been acting lately. He dislikes, no he hates his job and for many very good reasons.

He cried and told me that it really hurts that his dad is not here for the holidays. I asked him what I could do to try to help him. He said there is nothing I can do, that he does not expect me to understand what he is going through just like he could never fully understand what I went through with our losses.

Can anyone help me help my husband? I feel so hopeless just like he did when we lost our babies.

[BeccaM]

Im sorry Missy your DH is going through such a rough time right now. I have not been through the loss of a parent myself but would he be able to talk to someone or maybe even go to a loss support group. I think there is also a Loss of a Parent board on here and they may be able to offer more suggestions. I cant even imagine what he is going through right now. You and he will be in my thoughts. HUGZ!

[TTCin2010]

I have lost both of my parents. The holidays and their death dates are really hard on me. I often get Moody without even realizing it then It will dawn on me. Right around my mums death date (Nov 30th) I can't sleep even when I'm not thinking about them It seems to be in my subconscious. There isn't anything you can say or do. Just listen to him talk about his parents. Maybe ask him some what some of his fav memories are or holiday traditions that you all can carry on. The best thing you can do for him is to listen and to be there.

[KAB]

I'm sorry Missy, losing a parent is such a difficult thing. I lost my mom 10 years ago this December. There really isn't much anybody else can do other then just be there, it's just an ache in the heart that can't be filled, and it never does go away but it will get easier to deal with in time. My DH bought me a really nice memory Christmas ornament with my moms name engraved on it and a special verse, it's my favorite ornament and helps remind me that my mom is in heaven watching over me. My DH will also offer to take me up to the cemetery where my mom is buried, we buy her really nice flowers and he asks me all kinds of questions about my mom and we can sit there and reminisce about the good memories that I have of her. It really, really, helps me when others want to talk about the good memories, like when my friends remind me of what a wonderful smile she had, and how her laugh was contagious and could get everybody else in the room laughing for no reason. My sisters and I will get together when we're feeling sad, and we cook all of my mom’s famous recipes, it just helps to keep her memory alive. I hope that you will be able to find something nice that you can do for him, it won't take away the pain, but it definitely helps to know that others have not forgotten and do care.

[avasmom603]

Little background...I just lost my Mom on April 25th. It was sudden. She lived next door in an in-law attached to my home. We spent every day together. She helped a ton with my daughter (special needs). We were inseparable best friends

I, too, have been lashing out. What helped me is when I feel the rage coming on, I speak up and tell my husband. What happens is the sadness turns to rage quickly because I want her here now and she can't be. I think it's huge that he told you why he was doing it and how he is feeling. What he needs to do now is speak up when it happens, like I do. It will help him get through it and will help your marriage stay strong. Also, now that you know what's going on give him a little bit of breathing room when he does act out. When my DH does that it seems to help me to calm down quicker.

I hope he feels better soon. It is more painful than I imagined to lose a parent. I fear now that my father is going to be soon... He just suffered a mini stroke in front of me last week

[luvmykids623]

I am so sorry that you are both struggling with this. It must be so hard to see him so upset and know that you can't take the pain away. I don't have any experience with this, but I wanted to offer great big ! You've gotten really great advice. I hope it's able to help in some way!

[mom2moose]

My husband's mom died 10 years ago and his dad passed away last month. He's having a really hard time. His dad and he were VERY close. He gets so mad. Throws stuff, can't deal with his emotions, that type of thing. He won't talk about it either. I guess I'm in the same boat as you. I told him I would always be there for him, but that I wasn't going to hassle him to talk to me.

Not much of a help. LOL Just know you're not alone. Good luck to your hubby.

And so sorry for your loss too Lisa. I can't imagine losing my mom.

[dreamer10]

Missy, I really don't have much to add that the other women have not already given. Listen, love, give hope and allow him to talk, cry and whatever else he needs. Christmas ornaments are good, service in his parents names, just service in general. It helps us forget ourselves and concentrate on those that are in need as well. I think we both have had our share of loss this year and I think one of the best ways to see past it is to find someone else who also is hurting. I am going to take my kids to the childrens hospital here this year and have them give gifts to some of the kids. I think it will help me with my loss as well as teach them how to love more completely...just rambling off with some ideas....

[missy123]

Girls, I am so sorry for all of your losses. Your stories made me cry (I am crying as I type this)... I am so sorry for all of you.

I miss his dad so much and I ache for his step mom who I am sure is struggling with the loss of her husband. I have lost my babies but never a parent and I feel so darn helpless. I love my guy so much, he is my #1 and it hurts me so much to see him in so much pain and not be able to help him.

Everyone tells me his mom was an awesome cook and I was able to get her recipes. I cook his favorite dishes of hers (which are incredible!). At our wedding I made big memorial candles and had a table just for them. I am trying but feel like I am failing him in his healing process. I wish I could take it all away for him. We are going to make some ornaments this year so I will see if he wants to make one for each of his parents; thank you for the idea.

Thank you for sharing your stories. I understand why he is acting this way and it will help me be more sympathetic to him.

((Hugs)) You are all the best. Much love to you all.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Missy I have no advice just wanted to give you a big hug and tell you that your an amazing woman!

[zkat]

Oh Missy! You are doing all the right things and I am sure he truly appreciates it. You can't take away his pain but you can share the happy memories with him and just be there. That is all you can do.



Kat.

[missy123]

Thanks Katie and Kat.

[ldovey83]

Missy I don't much about that topic. I havn't been there, but I wanted to let you know I am praying for your husband and for you... I am so sorry that he is going through this, and it is definitely rough, but I think you are doing a wonderful job, and you are being very supportive.. HUGS..

As for all the other ladies that have lost a parent or both parents I will be keeping you all in my prayers also during the holidays.. HUGS

[Pitridge]

Dh loss his dad about 19 years ago, I never meet him. I know he gets sad around the holidays he won't say anything, but I know...I don't have any advice, you are doing all the right things. Being three and caring it's the most important and even if you feel helpless, you are helping him so much, more than you know. HUGS