[ashj_1218]

Hi ladies.

I have been around this room since July and even though I seem to have no issue getting pregnant, I am losing them every single time. And even though we have a specialist on board now...I can't help but feel like we might actually NEVER have another baby. And then I feel selfish because I am lucky enough to have a beautiful son...I don't want to seem ungrateful especially with all those in this room who haven't even gotten their first miracle yet. Does anyone get this "falling feeling" in their stomach when they think of never having a (or another) baby? I want to believe that I will be able to have the family I dream of, but that seems further and further away

I feel like the "loss" of our dream family is getting me down just as much as the actual losses of the babies. We always would talk of having four kids, laughing about not stopping til we have one of each gender. And now I feel like I will only have Liam and that makes me sad, not because I am not incredibly blessed to have him, but because he will not have a sibling and all the wonders of infancy would be behind us. And then to add insult to injury...all the medical bills are piling up now and we are heading into some serious debt. Which makes it like we should stop now because we can't afford it (and before all this, we were fine in regards to money).

Sorry for the vent. I am just feeling sad and down about this whole thing lately. I can't get something my mom said to me out of my head. Years ago (like five) we were taking a walk and talking about her kids (me and my brothers) having kids. She said that she only saw me having one little boy. I laughted and said I wanted four and did want at least one boy. But now that we are here, I keep thinking of that and wondering if it is true.

Anyway, I feel mildly better now

[lindsey2000k]

I know how you are feeling.
It almost makes it harder when you had a baby and then all the sudden you can not hold a pregnancy. I think all the time how did my daughter make it into this world but the others did not. But then I am also so greatful that I at least have her.
Medical bills are also killing me... $3200.00 out of pocket for my last miscarriage, and I just got another $198.00 for blood testing UGH.

Lets hope for sticky babys so our kids can have siblings. I am an only child and only grandchild, My husbands sister can not have kids (she is one that does not need them, she can not take care of her self let alone a baby). So I feel I owe it to my daughter to give her a sibling so she is not left alone like I will be when my family is all gone.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs! I know exactly how your feeling. I can get pregnant but I lose them. DH and I have no living children and it hurts. There have been many times I wanted to give up and just stop trying but each and every time I stop and think about it I know that I'm meant to be a mother. And some day some how I will be one. It will happen for you hun. I know it sucks because you want it now. Just know that we all feel the same way. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me.

[MeganMomof5]

(((hugs))) I feel the same way most of the time! I don't think you should feel bad for wanting a baby even though you already have a child...I don't think that matters...I think a loss hurts just as much if you have 10 children, or none...I know as a mom myself that you are blessed and thankful for the children you already have, but that doesn't take away the hurt and pain you feel from losing your other unborn children...I also understand with the medical debt...My last 2 losses with all the complications i've had, has really put me into debt...I know we'll get out of it soon, but it adds a lot of stress...It's hard having to pay for our losses, when we didn't get anything in return but heartache...It's really hard, but try to focus on the positive, try to tell yourself that you will have your rainbow baby, and you will give your son a sibling

[*SamF*]

I know how you feel! I look at DS and he's my miracle baby. I can also get pregnant, but keep losing them too. That BFP just isn't what it was for me before, and now after this last one, even good u/s aren't'. I get that same sinking feeling that it will never happen.

[asunflower]

I am in the same boat as you. I feel the exact same way and can't help but worry that the BFP that sticks may not come. I can get pregnant too but just cannot keep them. It just does not seem fair at all.

[ohnicole]

I'm so sorry, Ash I know just what you mean about that terrible fear of never having that sticky BFP. I don't know what I would do with myself if that ever happened, after after this long journey, having to admit that it might actually happen is so scary and so depressing. DH and I also dream of having four kids.... and now just looking at how old I am and how long just one baby is taking us, that really might not happen. It is so hard to let go of those dreams and admit that we have no control over building our families. Please know that I am here for you, hon And that even when your hope is failing, all the ladies here believe that you WILL get your sticky BFP and you WILL have your rainbow baby.

[TnPhotoMama81]

I am sorry I understand!

I have had a friend tell me that I should just be grateful I have our son after the loss we had. Some people just don't know what to say I guess. It upset me...I knew she meant well but OBVIOUSLY I am grateful to have our son. She is pregnant with her second which made it sting even worse.

I worry too that we will never have another little one We had NO problems getting pregnant the first time...it only took one try. Weird how things work like that :/

[Erin84]

I'm sorry you feel this way I can relate somewhat, but not in the same way as many of the other ladies here. I just get scared because I see so many who have one baby and then have trouble after that, and I worry. "What if Drew was going to be my one baby? If I have trouble, I won't even have Drew." Fingers crossed for you

[ashj_1218]

Thank you ladies. So much. For letting me know I am not alone in this fear. I hate that you are all feeling this same way. But it does comfort me because people get pregnant on this board every month and it will have to roll around to one of you (and maybe me). It is weird how often this happens...people getting pregnant and not being able to keep them. And how heartbreaking it is for all of us. I love this board because it keeps me sane and happy I love you ladies

[~LaurenNoel~]

I felt the exact same way. Wesley was so easy to have, and I figured having another would be a piece of cake when we were ready. We started trying again when he was 6 months, and I was surprised when we lost a baby. Then when we lost the second one at 10 weeks (and I knew it was a girl), we were both devastated. We wanted a boy, then a girl close in age. I kept thinking our dream family was slipping away. Thankfully it looks like we will get our little girl in Feb. I will be praying that you guys have a happy ending too. *hugs*

[Joanna1127]

I can relate to what you're feeling. I've only had one loss, but instantly I start thinking that something is wrong. I again, never had problems with my daughter. Conceived her as a surprise and with my loss, we got pregnant in the first month trying too. I can't help but think something is wrong now. Its so depressing and hard to stay positive.

Sending all of us lots of BFP and sticky vibes!!

[Pame£a]

It's always good to find the blessings in our lives when we're down too. I feel the same way sometimes. I have 3 amazing children but after losing Elijah, I felt there was a hole in my heart. I can't ever replace him but having another could certainly patch part of that hole.

Hope and dreams sometimes gives us drive in life and when there is interference in them, we sometimes lose our drive for life. I feel like I'm there too much. I'm a Christian and when I feel that way, I try to lean on God for guidance because all things are supposed to be in His timing, not mine. As you can see, I struggle with that.

I will keep you in prayer that you get the family you so desire and I wouldn't really worry about what your mom said. Just think of it as small talk.

Hugs hun.