[skittle2011]

I am a newbie to this forum. I am kind of at a loss on where to go for support and thought that I would try. I miscarried about two months ago, 14 weeks along. I have had many, many, many people share their stories and I realize how common it is. Everyone that has shared a story has concluded their story by saying "if this didn't happen, I wouldn't have my beautiful baby so-n-so". I get, that in an attempt to make me feel better, they are sharing that another baby will happen. However, that really is not helping me cope with the baby that I lost. Can I really deal with the loss of my baby by getting pregnant? The thought of that seems like it will help, but I do not want to put all that pressure on someone that hasn't even been fetilized yet. Not to mention there are many days that I still feel like staying in bed and crying.

I am 35, I do have two children, I realize that I am very fortunate. I have always wanted a big family and my baby was about to complete my amazing family. I guess, that although the thought of another pregnancy seems ideal, am I being selfish? Am I too old? Wasn't anyone scared of repeat losses after the first one? Did anyone cope with the loss, without having another baby? I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this and possibly having some insight. I could really use hearing about someone who understands this and what did you do - and why did you decide to have the outcome that you did? I'm asking a lot of questions - sorry for that!!!

[ohnicole]

I'm so sorry for your loss The loss of a pregnancy is heartbreaking and it is so normal to be depressed and scared and feel like you don't know how to move forward.

For me, I'm just trying to start my family, so there was no question- I wanted to get going and TTC again. It did help me to take some control back and make that decision. I can't say whether having another baby would help the healing process, because that hasn't happened for me yet. It's such a personal choice and I think it's beautiful that you want to honor and respect your lost little one and your future little one.

Welcome to the board- I hope the ladies here can give you some support.

[missy123]

Originally Posted by skittle2011

I am 35, I do have two children, I realize that I am very fortunate. I have always wanted a big family and my baby was about to complete my amazing family. I guess, that although the thought of another pregnancy seems ideal, am I being selfish? Am I too old? Wasn't anyone scared of repeat losses after the first one? Did anyone cope with the loss, without having another baby? I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this and possibly having some insight. I could really use hearing about someone who understands this and what did you do - and why did you decide to have the outcome that you did? I'm asking a lot of questions - sorry for that!!!

Hi And Welcome to JM! You do ask a lot of questions but it made me giggle because I am the same way.

I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts and is so painful. And no, getting pregnant again will not replace your feelings for the child that you lost. It may make part of you happy and hopeful but there will always be a void for what should have been. If laying in bed crying helps you heal even a little bit - go for it! I spent many a day under the covers and I am sure most of the girls here can relate.

You are not too old, there are a few girls here 35+ and I am almost 42 so compared to me you are a spring chicken! Yes, being pregnant again after a loss is scary but if you decide that is what you want, to try for another baby, then the chance is worth it.

I have been able to move on and have accepted that I may never have another baby and am ok with it. There are times it makes me sad, but I have come to terms with it. But that has nothing to do with the healing of losing my babies. They are completely separate issues.

Welcome again, feel free to post away.

[mafiamom]

i am so sorry for you loss. i know how heart breaking it is to lose a bean so very loved already.

i am an older mother. i had my first daughter at 34 and got pregnant again last november at 38. i lost that baby at 8.5 weeks. for ME - i didn't want to get pregnant right away. the lack of control that i had over the whole thing was very hard for me to get past. i took up running because at that point in time i needed to feel in control for SOMETHING so i decided to get my body healthier for the next time around.

a took a full year off. dh and i decided to try again this month and i again am pregnant. i will not kid you. i am a nervous wreck. i used to LOVE being pregnant - now i cringe everytime i wipe - scared of what i might see. i probably will not be completely at ease until i hold a babe in arms. i am 39 so .... i am pushing the envelope here

the fear is completely natural, of course. we have all been bitten (some of us more than once) and to worry is par for the course. as for the timing - that is a personal thing, and only you will know when you are ready to try again.

again, so very sorry. i pray that you heal quickly both physically and emotionally, and, when (if) you decide to go for it again - whenever that may be - that you have a healthy sticky bean this time 'round

[KDD]

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my first pregnancy at 35 and it took 2 more years of TTC and IVF to get pregnant again. Even so, I will never forget my first pregnancy ever. It can take time to heal from a loss. Unfortunately many people will say the absolute worst things to you while you are healing (although they are usually well meaning). Only you know when you are done TTC.

I hope that you find lots of support and encouragement on this board.