[okiliz]

Hey guys,
Sorry I was gone for awhile.. The holidays are hard for me being stationed so far away from family that and I am only about 3 ish weeks from my due date... My first due date was Jan 11th but because I was having twins they woudl have delivered me at the end of December... So thats hard.. much harder then I thoguht it would be.. Also my sister in law is due in 5 days and.. I am happy.. but it just makes me want to cry .. So anyway, I went to my RE today . Our last cycle ( first try since our loss) with Injectables and IUI did nto work . They had me on Progesterone supps but my period came early anyway which it never has before. I had to see a different doc that time because mine was on vacation.. That time I was on 150 IU of follistim a day for about 8 days, ahd 5 +follies and still caught none of them despite hubby having 110 mil and 90.9%motile.. I was so bummed :-( ..
So I went in today just to touch base with my regular doc and he was friendly as normal .. He even let me buy my meds early ... I guess I am jsut worried... because while the last doc let me stay at 150 IU a day the whole time, my dr now only wants me to take 150 IU for 2 days and then go down to 75 for 2 days and then 75 every other day.... The first and only IUI I did with him I did get prgnant with the twins, I had 3 follies... The other dr would have let me get up to 8 simce I have been in treatment for awhile.. and while I did not get pregnant that cycle , I felt more secure somehow having more follies... I mean I just want a healthy baby.. I lost twins so I can't help wanting twins but one healthy baby would be an awesome wonderful blessing .. I Know it only takes one egg.. but if I had 5 last time and it did not work what if I only make 2 ro 3... ya know? I have maybe tops 4 more tries and then we can't do anymore...
I guess I am just scared.. I had to have 2 D&C's after I lost the twins and he said chances of scaring are not likely but the hospital gave me an infection during the 2nd D&C so I asked if there coudl have been damages to my tubes and he was all it can happen... So now I am paranoid that my tubes are messed up ... I mean they caught the infection very quickly and put me on IV antibiotics... well they think it was an infection.. I had major pelvic pain but never got a fever or had yucky discharge .. I think it could have just been a side effect of how my body reacted to the 2nd D&C.. I am just .. I just.. need this to work ladies... My heart is breaking.. I try to be hopeful and I am really going tow ork on it.. really.. Sorry.. I just needed to vent.. thanks guys !!