Forum: Trying to Conceive after Loss
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December 8th, 2010, 08:23 AM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Az
Posts: 1,610
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I don't post much here, but right now I need a place to cry, and I know you guys will understand.
Jan DDC just had their first baby. That was my DDC. I've been lurking there daily since my loss, and I knew today would be coming. I figured by now I'd bre pregnant again, and over my early loss. I was wrong about both.
Of course, I'm so happy for that mama and sweet baby, but it could have been me!
Almost 9 months have past, and I thought I was fine, but now I feel like I lost my baby again. The wounds feel so raw and fresh today. There's a lump in my throat that won't go away.
Ugh, my tears just won't stop.
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thanks for the great siggy, brie_91!
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December 8th, 2010, 09:04 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,185
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I am so sorry. The same thing happen to me after my first loss. I would have been due March 2007. I ended up getting pregnant with my daughter that month. So after a long stressfull month of watching these babies being born I found out I was expecting again... I hope this can happen for you.
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December 8th, 2010, 09:08 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 16,285
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Waiting for our ELF to get here!
Thank you .:Shortcake:.!! for my awesome siggy!
My Forever Babies- 07/20087.5 weeks, 10/2008 4.5 weeks 12/2008 4 weeks 06/2009 our twin 7.5 weeks 08/2010 4 weeks 10/2010 Mr. Spud 9.5 weeks 04/2011 twins 6 weeks
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December 8th, 2010, 09:21 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern PA
Posts: 13,228
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((Hugs))... It is hard, we know.
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December 8th, 2010, 09:23 AM
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POAS Queen
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 3,947
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I don't have any words that could possibly make this any better for you, just wanted to offer my support and hope that you will fall pregnant again soon 
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With us on earth for five short days, with us in our hearts forever.
(Thank you Natasha for this beautiful graphic of Andrew, and to the ladies of the Nov 10 PR who help me in carrying on his memory.)
Jan. 2009: Came off years of BCP and started TTC
March 2010: BFP -- finally!
Oct. 22, 2010: Drew is born, but has to stay in the NICU because of cord complications resulting in oxygen deprivation and brain problems =(
Oct. 27, 2010: I held him in my arms while Daddy, Grandma, Great-Uncle and I sang him to sleep =( Hardest thing I've ever done...
June 14, 2011: Drew's baby brother or sister waved hi to us with a BFP!
June 25, 2011: Natural miscarriage... Can we please catch a break here?
Nov. 2011: 100mg Clomid followed by 2mg Estrogen, Ovidrel trigger, and 200mg progesterone suppositories 2x/day 14 days. BFN.
Dec. 2011: 2nd medicated cycle. BFN.
Jan. 2012: Took a month off to breathe...
Feb. 2012: Same regimen of Clomid and other meds, add IUI. 2 eggs and 8.5 million swimmers. BFN.
March 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-11, follie scan CD 8 showed 6 follies likely to mature. Triggered, IUI on CD 14, 4 million swimmers. BFN.
April 2012: 75 IU Follistim CD 3-10. Scan showed 2 mature follies, 2 almost certain to mature, and two not likely but possible. (All 6 evenly and perfectly spaced out between the left and the right.) Triggered, IUI CD 13 with 5 million swimmers. BFN.
May 2012: 75 IU Follistim starting CD 3. Waiting to O. Timed intercourse. Likely 5 follies to mature.
^^ Click graphic for chart ^^
 
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December 8th, 2010, 10:23 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: huddersfield uk
Posts: 19,232
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December 8th, 2010, 10:28 AM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Front Royal, Virginia
Posts: 1,925
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I am so sorry. All my DDC girls on my FB are in labor or getting close...its so hard for me. I forgot to tell the hospital about my m/c and they called me last week to set up for my delivery 
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December 8th, 2010, 09:02 PM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton AB, Canada
Posts: 5,907
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I'm sorry 
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December 9th, 2010, 01:09 AM
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Finally true, expectin #2
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Titusville, FL
Posts: 2,575
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im so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now i was like the first or second person in my DDC and know i could have been one of the first to have my baby and im so afraid of how badly its going to hurt when it gets to that time... i cant even fully imagine how much it really hurts. get some ice cream and a big spoon!oh and chocolate sauce, it really does help 
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December 9th, 2010, 06:06 AM
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Weiner Dogs Rock!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 7,682
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^^I second the ice cream. Because it is likely going to hurt each and every time a baby is born in that DDC. I still lurk in Feb 2011...and feel like it is going to be really painful when the LO's start rolling in. I would be there...instead of here with still no baby growing in there.
Hang in there. We all know how hard this is and how much it sucks. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, eat junk...whatever will help you through it. Because that is all you can do.
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Big thanks to tasha_mae for my perfect siggy!
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December 9th, 2010, 07:19 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 49
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The anticipation of this day is emotional torture. I hope you will find a new begininng and a sticky bean!
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December 10th, 2010, 06:49 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 8,288
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((HUGS)). I was thinking about that too, I was in the January DDC with you when I lost my baby at 8 weeks. I would be 35 1/2 weeks along now. It is just so hard.
Thinking of you.
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December 10th, 2010, 01:49 PM
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Proud JM hostess
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: @ JM if I'm not at work
Posts: 5,209
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna.Loves.Toast
I don't post much here, but right now I need a place to cry, and I know you guys will understand.
Jan DDC just had their first baby. That was my DDC. I've been lurking there daily since my loss, and I knew today would be coming. I figured by now I'd bre pregnant again, and over my early loss. I was wrong about both.
Of course, I'm so happy for that mama and sweet baby, but it could have been me!
Almost 9 months have past, and I thought I was fine, but now I feel like I lost my baby again. The wounds feel so raw and fresh today. There's a lump in my throat that won't go away.
Ugh, my tears just won't stop.
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Jan DDC just had their first baby. That was my DDC. I've been lurking there daily since my loss, and I knew today would be coming. I figured by now I'd bre pregnant again, and over my early loss. I was wrong about both.
Of course, I'm so happy for that mama and sweet baby, but it could have been me!
Almost 9 months have past, and I thought I was fine, but now I feel like I lost my baby again. The wounds feel so raw and fresh today. There's a lump in my throat that won't go away.
Ugh, my tears just won't stop.[/QUOTE]
Anna that is such torture.... I never lurked on those boards unless I was checking up on a fellow TTCAL lady who had graduated. It's not a good place for us to go. I do know how you're feeling tho, all the ladies from all my DDC's have had their babies and some are pregnant again (nice stab to the heart) It just sucks sweetie and wish it didn't hurt that bad for you... avoid that place like the plague! It's horrible to be reminded of the little one you've lost over and over and over again like that and to see ever stage, aspect of what you have lost... Anna I really am sorry.
Now I forbid you from ever going back there, EVER again! I'll personally will come hunt you down and kick your buttocks left right up and down  
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December 10th, 2010, 01:55 PM
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Tobi
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,616
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Im sorry hun, I did the same thing with my Sept ddc. It was hard but for me, it was something I had to do. I dont lurk the playroom at all. It ended with the last little one being born, and as sad as it still makes me, I think that I needed that.
Do whatever you need to do, to get through this. Hugs, we will be here for you.
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December 10th, 2010, 09:21 PM
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Mega Super Mommy
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,213
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Just stopping in as a PAL grad. I am sooo sorry you are feeling so bad. It was very hard for me to visit my DDC after my loss. I was even jealous of their WORST pg symptoms. The reality of "it could have/should have been me" is really hard. A teacher at my sons' school had a due date that was only a week after mine. When she left for maternity leave, it kind of opened the wound again. Our little angel has been gone for two years. I still miss the little baby that I am not seeing grow up. And, there are times that I still cry. But, you are in the right place with these ladies. I don't know what I would have without TTCAL ( and then PAL). They are not only a shoulder to cry on. They'll cry with you. I won't say to stay away from your former DDC. If you want to continue to lurk or visit (or even post), that's up to you. You'll know if it's the right place to be. And, your baby will come. You've got angels in heaven looking over you. I'm so sorry for you loss. And, I hope your healthy PG comes FAST. Sorry for the long post from a past TTCAL member, but, I remember it to well and I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I hope to see you in PAL soon! BIG hugs...
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December 11th, 2010, 06:49 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern PA
Posts: 13,228
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I am like Celena, I could not go back to either of my DDC's. It is too painful and every-time I did lurk it just opened the wound up again. ((Hugs))
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December 11th, 2010, 07:09 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,542
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(((hugs)))
I still lurk in my DDC's...I had a hard time at first with a couple of them...It was hard once babies started to be born in Ella's DDC even though I was pregnant by then...I hope things get better for you!!
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 Forever Missing My Baby Girl Ella Grace Born Sleeping October 14, 2009
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December 11th, 2010, 08:51 AM
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Platinum Supermommy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 13,280
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