[LindseyE117]

I know I do not post much and I lurk a lot lately since my loss in October, but I try to come on because I am still having a difficult time with losing my pregnancy. I just find that every time I come on here I see tons of posts about pregnancies and it hurts terribly. I don't hate anyone who has gotten pregnant, but I cannot help but feel anger. Not towards them, but towards my situation. (if that makes any sense) Plus to top it all off, since we moved to Texas my realtor (who has been TTC for 2 years with treatment), got pregnant 1 month after she met me!

I am hurting so bad I just want it to stop. I am afraid I might be suffering from a slight depression. My anxiety levels have gone up and I can barely drive from panic attacks. I am sick and tired of people telling me that it is just a miscarriage and that maybe it's a sign that I should not have anymore children. I am on my 2nd cycle since our loss and I am hurting.

I am so sorry. I really just don't have anyone else to talk to about this but my husband, who is always working. It just hurts.

[mom2moose]

You should probably talk to your OB/GYN. She can prescribe you something for your depression and anxiety. (Which is NOTHING to be ashamed of). You should also look into talking to a counselor.

Don't listen to what people tell you about your miscarriage. Some people make stupid comments without thinking. That's on them, not you! You should feel anger, sadness and grief. All of that is normal. But if the anxiety and depression gets out of control, that's no good either.

Hope this helps. I know how hard it is and am so sorry you are suffering!

[Toots216]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way - miscarriage is never easy, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it is when you don't have anyone nearby to talk to. Have you thought about talking to a professional? I went to a therapist for a few months several years ago when I was going through a slight depression, and it REALLY helped me turn the corner and feel better.

HUGS!!

[avasmom603]

You definitely sound depressed and without proper help you won't be able to get out of it. I went through a major depression that started with panic attacks. i went on medication and it was a Godsend for me. It took trying two different kinds before finding what works. I did not go to therapy since my depression was a result of the out of control anxiety which was a result of raising my daughter (she has significant special needs and we had lived in the hospital for a long time... plus just not wanting to accept that she may never talk, walk, eat by mouth, etc etc - so those issues weren't going away, but that was the cause - the meds got my brain to 'calm down' enough for me to be able to think straight). If you are worried about meds if you are TTC then talk to your OB. They can tell you what would be safe and hook you up with a therapist. It can be liberating to just talk to someone who is open to listening and won't judge you. They can guide you out from under the dark cloud

Feel free to pm me anytime.

[LindseyE117]

Thanks yall. Being in a new place has left me feeling alone. The anxiety is driving me insane. I feel trapped and mainly only have attacks in the car-which in turn has prevented me from driving. My poor husband drives me anywhere further than 3 miles from the house. I just want to feel normal again.

I believe it is slight depression. It took us 2 years to get pregnant, and then we lost our baby. I never thought I would experience a loss like this. My family thinks my husband is too old for a child so they are not that supportive of us wanting a baby.

Oh and our insurance kicks in at the end of next month so no therapist until then. My husband thinks I should get on some meds, but honestly they scare me. My mother has become dependent on them for the last 10 years now. Also both her and my cousin gained 20 lbs on them. Another fear for me seeing how I just lost 15 lbs I gained while on hormones back in February.

I'm sorry for letting my crazy out on here. It just hurts so bad.

[purplelady]

[tobi4]

Aww hun, Im so sorry you are feeling so terribly. I agree with the ladies. Just talking to someone can be so liberating. It is also a validation of your thoughts and feelings when you can talk to a professional and have them understand you. You are more than welcome to post here all you want or need, there is always someone here who will care, and try to help. Good luck I hope you do get to talk to someone. Remember also hun. Its only been 2 months. You have only just begun to heal.

[*SamF*]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. And I understand the anxiety about being on medication also- but there are some really mild forms that may help or you could try some herbal supplements.

Just remember you are not alone! We may not be there physically with you, but are here to support you when ever you need it!!

[lindsey2000k]

I am so sorry. I also had a loss in October but I am on my first full cycle.. I was TTC before A/F came but no luck. I think I am also out this month as well
This was my second loss.
I used to be addicted to Facebook but can not seem to get on much because about 8-10 of my freinds are pregnant and all they do is complain about having to wear materinty clothing, or not being able to drink, feeling fat etc. I just want to leave rude comments but I just log off instead.
I have also found some of my favorate TV shows the people on them are becoming pregnant. It just seems where ever I look someone is pregnant and its not fair.

[missy123]

Thanks yall. Being in a new place has left me feeling alone. The anxiety is driving me insane. I feel trapped and mainly only have attacks in the car-which in turn has prevented me from driving. My poor husband drives me anywhere further than 3 miles from the house. I just want to feel normal again.

Hi and I am sorry you are going through all of this but at the same time we all understand. After my first loss I stayed in bed almost all the time for 3 months. I cried every day. I shut everyone out of my life and just wanted to put my head in the sand like a turtle. Every muscle ached and my heart hurt 1,000,000,000,000 times more. I thought I would never be happy again. I slipped into a depression and I was so good at hiding it to the outside world. Everyone thought I was ok but in reality I was talking myself out of jumping off a bridge each day. GO TO THE DOCTOR, even just a family doctor. Ask them about meds, do not be afraid because you need to feel better now. If your doctor recommends medicine for you then do it... It is just temporary and you can stop taking them later. We want you to feel normal again too and that is why we are encouraging you to go to the doctor. I know it is hard to get the energy up to do anything when you are depressed but please, make the call.

I believe it is slight depression. It took us 2 years to get pregnant, and then we lost our baby. I never thought I would experience a loss like this. My family thinks my husband is too old for a child so they are not that supportive of us wanting a baby.
Oh, I can relate!!! I am almost 42 and was 40 when we lost our 1st. My mom said "I am sorry your baby died, but you are too old to have a baby"... with this last loss she went as far as to convince my brand new mother in law that I was too old and not healthy enough to have a baby... Talk about support? Darn it... Pregnancy loss hurts enough without the negative family talk, please.

Oh and our insurance kicks in at the end of next month so no therapist until then. My husband thinks I should get on some meds, but honestly they scare me. My mother has become dependent on them for the last 10 years now. Also both her and my cousin gained 20 lbs on them. Another fear for me seeing how I just lost 15 lbs I gained while on hormones back in February.
I actually lost weight when I took the antidepressants because I finally felt like myself again What hormones did you take? Did you go to an RE?


I'm sorry for letting my crazy out on here. It just hurts so bad.
You are NOT crazy, you are hurting and I am so sorry. (((Hugs)))

[ashj_1218]

The others said everything I would say. And very eloquently. But I can totally relate to what you are thinking and feeling. Depression medication has it's uses and when used properly, is not addicting. I totally think going to a counselor helps too. If nothing else to get out all of those feelings of anger and jealousy (I talk to my counselor about it regularly). Just venting them to a real person helps immensely. And many of them have seen other people who have been through something similar and can help "normalize" the situation (which sounds bad, but I mean in the sense that you are not crazy and the feelings you are having are normal). I too have never gained weight on a depression medication, for what it is worth. And I have been through several different kinds to find the right fit. Hang in there

[Joanna1127]

I'm so sorry again for your loss.

I had my first loss in September and its been really tough for me too. It seems like some people can bounce back pretty well, but like you said SO many people around me are pregnant. A few are due right when I would be and its taken a toll on me.

Please know that we are here for you. You can yell, scream, cry anytime you need to. Please do not let anyone make you feel that you can't here. If you'd ever like to chat further on PM, just send me a message.

big hugs!

[avasmom603]

I wanted to add that I gained nothing on the meds. I did not want to gain either so i was careful with what I ate. You will become dependent, meaning you have to come off the meds very slowly. I came down from 25mg over a span of about four months. I had no issues at all.

[Toots216]

Ditto what everyone else said. I also wanted to add that I too was on a very mild anti-depressant when I went through my "dark phase" a few years back - I took it for maybe 4 or 5 months, and it was really what I needed at the time to get my brain chemistry back on track. I didn't gain any weight either, and when I was ready to stop taking them, it took about 2 or 3 weeks to be weaned off. Definitely something to look into!!! It's not something you would have to take for the rest of your life.

[LindseyE117]

Thanks ladies. I had a long talk with my husband the other night. He came home in a foul mood and kinda ignored me when I tried to talk to him. Then he called me crazy and yelled at me for being insensitive to his situation. He apologized after I broke out in tears. I think my whole situation is getting to him too. I feel bad, especially because I am not working and I really cannot at the moment because of my anxiety.

At the time of our loss, he took it a lot worse than me. When the doctor said he saw something near my ovary on my first u/s, I knew immediately that something was wrong. He has never been pregnant before, so he has no idea what was going on. We had gone in seperate cars at the time of the appointment, and I made him pay and check out while I went home hysterical. I cried most of it out that day. It was not until I started bleeding a couple days later and our visit to the ER that he broke down. I mean he literally just cried-then he was better.

We tried to conceive before our 1st AF-nothing. 2nd AF- nothing. Now we are trying again for my 2nd/3rd (unsure) cycle. He keeps telling me that I should wait because of all this and it angers me so bad. Blah. I know I am not ok, but waiting makes it worse for me. Trying is kinda like healing, I dunno.

Anyway, enough with my rambling. It is nice to have people who understand the hurt and loss. (and yes my uncontrollable anger and jealousy towards everyone pregnant around me) Hopefully all of us feeling this hurt and pain will get our baby soon.

Oh and I am going to find a doctor next week. I really need help.