[sheephater321]

hello ladies..I mostly just feel like venting. I'm feeling confused and just want to get it out. My husband and I have had a really hard year and we are struggling both emotionally and financially. We've had 3 losses and 1 surgery this year. We are barely getting by right now financially. We've been desperately wanting to start a family, but we are worried in a way that maybe it's irresponsible to keep trying in our current position. We do own a house and my husband is pretty secure in his job,but all of the medical bills this year and just the economy are wearing on us. Sometimes I just wonder if i'm being selfish for trying to bring a baby into the world when we don't have the money to provide in the way we always wanted to. I'm not saying we couldn't make things work because I really think we would find a way. It's just that it would be really tight and difficult for sure.

Actually the past couple of years for me have been kinda ..blah . I have been struggling to find and keep a steady job since we moved away from my home town. So, when my husband started showing interest in starting a family, I said to myself..'well..why not..I want to start a family sometime soon and it's not like i have anything spectacular going on in my life to make me delay it' That sounds kinda bad I'm sure.Its just that my husband and I always said that if we could do it, we wanted me to be a stay at home mom for at least a few years in the beginning. I haven't found my job niche in this new area and so we talked and decided that maybe me not having a steady 'career' at this point in my life was a blessing in disguise. We said that I would not feel upset for 'leaving a career' and could stay home with our child.
Obviously this plan isn't working out because of the losses. Also, as time goes on I'm questioning this all. I feel like I've put my life on hold for TTC. It consumes me and I'm not pursuing anything else really. I'm starting to feel bitter because I just feel like I can't have either of the things I want....a career or a family. I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of weird universe right now. I'm so tired of TTC and I'm wondering what I've maybe lost over the past year by simply being consumed with getting and staying pregnant. This whole TTC thing is so love/hate right now. Part of me just wants to be pregnant NOW and keep it that way. Another part of me just wishes I could forget all of this for a while and live my life like a normal person...maybe pursue some educational/career goals. Anyone ever feel similar to this? Also,my husband is going to an job interview out of state here soon. It sounds like an excellent job with better pay. The prospect of change and selling our house scares me, but I'm praying for a chance at something better. Sadly, we believe they already have an in state canidate in mind, but we are still hopeful and praying. A new job and location would sure stir up some more 'excitement' though..lol

[missy123]

When my boys were born we had very little money. We struggled to buy diapers and stuff but it was soooooooooo worth it! The economy does suck right now and many of us in here as well as many of my friends are struggling right now.

Have you thought of volunteer work at a homeless shelter or hospital? That would give you a sense of self and purpose while at the same time very little commitment.

[*SamF*]

The saying I always hold onto- if you wait till there is enough money or the perfect time to have a bay- you never will. Things have a way of working themselves out.

Good luck to your DH on the job interview!!

[sheephater321]

thank you both for the response ...missy, volunteer work is a good idea and is actually something I've been looking into. I'm hoping things will work out somehow. I'm crossing my fingers that my husband's interview goes well.

[MeganMomof5]

I agree not to let money keep you from having a baby....Things will probably get better, and just think you have 40 weeks before a baby even gets here ...We are going through the same thing with bills from my losses (which is hard in itself), but I know that by the time I get pregnant again and have another baby the bills will be paid off...I hope your husband gets the new job...i'll keep you all in my prayers