[dreamer10]

Well friends. It's been a bumpy ride, hasn't it? I can tell you all I never imagined I would be here, on this board with 4 lost babies after I had 16 years of child bearing and 9 kids without so much as a hiccup. This last loss was especially devastating since I felt I was in the clear and the baby looked so good.

The thing is this. My husband and I have been talking. We have both decided that this is it. No more after this month. If I get pregnant this month then we will be due in August of next year. That would be wonderful. But if it doesn't happen this month we will no longer be trying to concieve. I am 40 years old, I have nine beautiful children. I have had 4 miscarriages this last year, three of which went all the way to seeing babies with heartbeats, and then losing them. I have to decide when enough is enough and I have come to that point. It is just time to start to look forward to other things. We are wanting to sell our home and move south to a beautiful city called St George. My oldest daughter graduates this year from high school and next year my 8th child will start school. That leaves me with just Skyler during the days and I have to admit that the longer it takes us to concieve the further apart those last two babies would be. I am almost getting too old and have too much on my plate already to start all over again like that.

I know this sounds kind of depressing, but I think with the right attitude I can look forward to the future with hope. I am going to back to school and finish my degree. I want to complete the radiology program so that I can become a sonographer and watch the faces of other moms to be and share in their joy and excitement for the future...all while helping provide for my family.

I have loved being here with you ladies. You have helped make a hard journey better. We have laughed together, cried together and had hope together. I want to continue those friendships with all of you...I want to know if you get those beautiful bfp's and want to see pics of those gorgeous babies.

I would love to friend you all on facebook so that as I leave one chapter of my life behind I can continue to see all of you from the next chapter. My name of facebook is Julie Anderson Loutensock. It won't be hard to find!

Good luck to you all and I love you all!!!!

[MeganMomof5]

(((hugs))) I'm glad you and your husband have talked things over and you are at peace with things...I really think that's great!!! I hope that you get a surprise BFP this month any way ...If not, I hope you don't leave the board...I kind of feel the same way...My youngest will be starting school next year, and I have a hard time with the thought of starting over...It wasn't supposed to happen this way...I would love to add you on facebook! i'll go look you up right now

[tobi4]

I wish you luck Julie. You have been a wonderful support to so many here, and are such a wonderful person. I feel a little envious of you right now. Your life isnt going to be all about ttc anymore. You can enjoy life, move forward and have plans with a brand new future to pursue. I think its a wonderful place to be in, have a glass of wine if you want, plan trips to amusement parks with the kids, not having to worry about where in our cycle you are and if you should or shouldnt be going on that roller coaster! I miss the carefree things that I didnt give a second thought to before ttc. As much as I hope you get your bfp this cycle, Im so glad you have other things you are looking forward to. And seriously, what a wonderful career choice for you. To see the look of excitement, and be able to bring the compassion to those moms who will experience the things we have, as well. Its a wonderful goal for you. ~hugs~

[missy123]

I Love you and know that your decision must have been a hard one. BUT Before all that you better get busy BD'ing this month girl!!! I have more to say but have things to do. Love you and will chat later. xoxoxoxo

[dreamer10]

You ladies are so incredibly amazing! There's a reason this has been my home on JM almost from day one! I will keep checking in on you all beacuse you all have come to mean to much to me!

[Brittanie]

Oh Julie, I've been so heartbroken for you (I sent you a friend request. I'm Brittanie Hill Cannady, I forgot to put a message with it). I'm glad you are at peace with that. I love St. George, it really is a beautiful place (my family lived in Cedar City when I was ages 9-11).

I too hope that you get a suprise (and STICKY!) bfp this month.

[luvmykids623]

Oh Julie you are one of the most warm, loving, caring, and supportive people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing! I hope that you get your surprise bfp this month, and if not I pray that this next chapter of your life is nothing but glorious for you and your family. I think you will be the absolute best sonographer in the world! You will share in the joy of good news and know exactly what to say and not to say and how to comfort those that are in positions that we've all been in. You're a truly amazing woman, and I wish you nothing but the best that life has to offer!

[avasmom603]

What a beautiful way of looking at things. I do hope you get your bfp this month, but if not, I wish you the world of luck with your future.

[ohnicole]

Julie, I'm so happy that you've made peace with a decision. I definitely hope you do get your surprise August baby, but if not, I know you'll be happy living your life without the stress and heartache of TTCAL Don't forget to come back and say hi to us!

[Halfbaked]

I'm happy that you have been able to come to a decision. I still hope that you get a bfp this month but if not, it's comforting to know that you have plans for the future. You're such an inspiration to me. If you move to St George, we'll have to come visit you in a summer or 2. HUGS

[purplelady]

hope you get a bfp this month. and good luck on the next chapter

[asunflower]

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband and a great family to love and support you. I hope everything works out for you the way you want. God has blessed you with 9 wonderful children and a wonderful husband. Keep us posted if the BFP comes this month!

[ashj_1218]

What a positive post to read. I really, really hope things work out fabulously...no matter which way they go. It is such a hard decision but I see that you have thought it through well and have come to a decision that you can live with and have a life with. I am really envious as well...you are going onto better things and for that I wish you nothing but the best. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...that you are enjoying every second of your life and are continuously surrounded by love

[Celena]

You're so eloquent with expressing your feelings into words it's hard to feel anything but what you're meaning from it, your warmth kindness and love is so trong Julie. You're a beautiful person Julie and it's been wonderful getting to know you, but not with the painful losses you've gone thru. I hope that God blesses you with what He has in store for you and what He has intended for y'alls future... you sounds so at peace and so focused.

Nothing more that wishing you get that surprise bfp... (not to sound stupid, lol) will y'all ntnp, if something happens it happens? Or just not at all, I understand everything you want to accomplish and focusing on certain goals as well as the different events in life the kiddos will be going thru. I definitely wish y'all the bestest in the world, but I know we'll be in touch

[.:Shortcake:.]

Julie first off super big hugs to you. It sounds like you are at complete peace with your decision and for that I am happy for you. I can't help but hope that you get a surprise BFP this cycle and are due in August. How awesome that would be. I added you to facebook and I can't wait to continue to cheer you on in your life to come.

[dreamer10]

What amazing people you all are. I have to admit I would have to laugh at myself if I went off on this huge tangent about moving on and then I go and get a bfp. I am anywhere from 4-6 dpo today..(I had positive opks on both days) and we shall see, huh? I am loving having you all as friends on facebook...and I would love it even more if I could watch you all on there getting pregnant and then seeing your beautiful babies. I am not one that will shun you because you are pregnant...just the opposite...I want to see you guys make those beautiful dreams come true! Let's have a toast to us! (unless your in the two week wait! )

[LindseyE117]

Oh St George is BEAUTIFUL! So close to Zion and everything! We would go there just for the Cracker Barrel (Las Vegas does not have one!). Now that we are back south, I have all the chicken fried steak I want. Lol.

You are added to my prayers for that surprise BFP!! Good luck!

[*SamF*]

Hoping you do get that BFP this month!!
But am glad you are at peace with your decision to stop.